♥

this saturday is umairah's bdae bash.
i wudnt miss it for the world so i wud be there early.
as in, REALLY earlyy. HAHA.
shes such a darling i tell you.
shes five, i think.
"mairah,KAK NANA wanna wish you HAPPY BDAE. AND may you be happy always!!"

sumtymes, she does read my blog. seriously. shes such a clever kid. very talkative,like me. i tell you, there wus this point of time when she wud speak with "you noe" after everythin she saed. and she'll be like, " just now, ibu scold me,you noe." " then, i cried, you noe." i tell you,it wus supa irritatin. and oh yarr, there wus a time when she started to ask why to everythin i tell her. OMG. fuckin irritating. but shes supa cute lah ok. Just last month, we celebrated thaqif's bdae. and he wore a Bob the Builder costume and his yellow helmet. haha. sooooo macho-ly cute sey. i wunder whats umairah gonna be dressed in. haha. im such a suckers for this type of parties. their parties are the best. HAHA.sooo innocent and always so much farn.

hmm, im down with a goddamnit bad cough sial. like, its supa hard for me to breathe. and my chest hurt so bad. dzul saed that i shud stop smokin. haiyah. we talked ydae. he called me after reachin home. hes such a sweet guy. and ydae, i told him that im startin to like him. hurhurs. i just felt that i had to tell him that. but yarr, i noe that its not gonna go anywhere. even if he wants to. i might not want to. hurs. the feelin is just there. left to be savoured and not to be meddled with. yarr, so we talked. and amin msg-ed me again. that irritatin jerk. im not bein mean but at least when i sae that im sleepin you cud haf at least gotten the hint that i dun wanna talk to you even though my voice doesnt sound sleepy at all rite. haiyoh. this type of pple erks. susah lah nak ajak bebual. agik2 i wus talkin to dzul. hurhurs. yarr, call me whatever. i dun care. he msgs me like as if,i HAVE to reply him. like, for father's sake. i dun haf to ok. CARD AKU BKN KAU YG TOP UPKAN. and also, i cant msg. so, too bad boy.

i dunno if i made the wrong move to tell him about how i felt. haish. sumtymes i feel like as if im sum pioneer who haven tasted love b4. hurhurs. but its been long since i last felt so strongly about a guy. alah, tak tau lah. i dunnoe lah ok.

cluelessly,
ana.=]

♥

"seraphBLOOMINGmiracle."

a phrase to connect me and sah. HOW SWEET. and yarr, how clever sah. hurhurs. how cum ur only gg to bed now? like, i think its prolly mornin in vegas.demented timezone i see. haha. nytey now,dear.=]

hmm. i cudnt be angry at HIM,can i. just when i wanted to ask him y he didnt msg or kol me, he msged sayin that he wud not be msg-ing me any sooner cuz hes still workin. awwwwh,how sweet. mwahs baby. okie. so now, i think im gonna pretend to sleep in my bed cuz mommy's makin noise already.

haiyah.
pretense: NITE YALL!!IM GONNA SLEEP NOW. TAKECARE YAH.

HAHA.
how fake and plastic.
love,
ana:)

♥ thick,big and long.

hullo.
like,omg. todae i went for my medical checkup and i realised that ive got my period today.HAHa. i noe.
-jumpsaround- im like phuckin happy sial. and bcuz of that, i decided to cut my hair to 'buang sway' and i decided to pierce my nose.haha. i did both with nana. nana's new hairstyle really rawks and thanks to me, she's pretty now. haha. tak tau malu nye pompan. hahah. but really what. she dunno what style suits her so i asked the hairstylist to slant her fringe,bob her back and layered her ends. and, WAHHLAAAHH~. im sure our friends will like it. the style makes her look like a bad girl like totally, THE ROCKGIRL.okie fyne. enuff of her. -pushheraway-

hurs. i cut my hair too. but no difference. i didnt wanna cut it initially but since nana wanted to treat me to the haircut, why not. i just cut my fringe and layered my hair to make it thinner. its phuckin thin and i feel that im bald now. this is so bad. so yarr, and yes, my nose. no difference too i think. cuz i chose a pink stud and it sorta blended really well with my skin so, therefore, tak nampak. blearghs. haha. told dzul and his reaction wus drastic. but,whatever. i dun answer to anyone except to myself at the end of the day, rite. so, there.

oh yarr, yday, i tot my house ghost was playin a trick on me. at around past midnight, i felt like sumbody swayin my chair. my first reaction, look out the window. i checked whether there was any white cloth thingy lookalike hangin around at the carpark. second reaction, look at my living room. THEN i saw my clock sway too. i breathed in and out and TRIED to concentrate on msn and friendster. but i cudnt. then it came again. i felt it again. i looked back to see if daddy wus playin with my chair. but NO, he wus not. he was fast asleep and snoring. so what the hell. i breathed in again and switch off the comp's main switch without shutting down. i ran into my room and immediately called dzul. complained to him that there are stufs goin on around me and im fuckin scared.and i even asked him to ride his way to my house to accompany me at home. but we talked for hours til i was sleepy and i hung up. in the mornin, i realised that it was the indonesian earthquake. haiyah. so much for freakiness. my hart goes out to the victims. may God bless yall. Amin.

anyhoos, did i mention that ydae, i was gonna be sensible while usin my cell? guess what, credits-check, 0.87cents. and i just top up my card ydae. hurhurs. i noe. what the hell. so im gonna ged the Mcard. heard its good cuz there's like free incomin and its prepaid. WHO DUN WANT. haha. the cheapo-me.but perhaps next week i guess. cuz this week,im freaggin busy.tmr, im gonna parteh at Queens provided that i dun hafta werk. this is the phuckin problem. biler aku nak keje, dier tak kol. biler aku tak nak keje, ader jek nanti dier kol. haiyahh. stuupid lah.

oh yarh, we got lost while gg to SATA where i did my checkup. the stupid map says that the place is right beside ping yi sec so we took 222 and right after we saw the sch, we alighted.we walked thru the private estate for quite sum time b4 my instinct told me to ask the indian man behind me. so we asked. and he saed that SATA wus beside OLD ping yi. like, so the one that wus right beside us was NEW? in what way issit new. it still looks old and haggard to me. so what the hell. so we took 222 again and this time, we got it right. at the clinic, there wus quite alot of girls. i mean, nurses-to-be i guess. and yarr, 2 malay guys. haha. one is a fanatic of heavymetal music and another one,works at Giant superstore. damn, cross personalities rite. and,IN NURSING with the infamous me nana and lin. hurhurs. made friends with them and yarr, imaginin us to be chyllin out everyday after school. farny tot though. but,whatever. oh yarr, the heavymetal one, his name, muhammad fatihah.the other one, anonymous. hurs. and so, i named myself bismillah and nana is AMIN. hurhurs. clever rite? oh yarr, WHATEVER ANA.-rolleyes-

ok,im gonna go and find someone to talk to me. dzul haven text me yet. what the hell is keepin him. HAISH. oh wells. i dunnoe where this is gonna lead me. but hells, pray aites yall. for now,im excited about tmr's parteh.
WHHHEEEEEE~

♥ hurs.

hheys.
im in a better mood today. no longer feelin sorry for myself anymore. cause' whatever happens haf already happened and no matter how sorry i feel for myself, its done and its over. i HOPE.
-crossesfingers-

im anticipatin tmr's med checkup. i dunnoe why the hell ite hasta let us go thru soooo much trouble just to ged ourselves in the course. its crappy i think. like, first we hafta wait to ged shortlisted. den we hafta attend the interview. nexx, we haf to PASS the interview den after that, we'll hafta go for our med checkup and then hafta PASS it and THEN, u can enter Nursing. like, for what farks. like, shitty rite. haish,tell me about it.

oh yarr,i just top up my credits in my fone. yarr, the whole budgety me. like farks. i cant afford to use a line already ok. the bills will just go wayyyyy up. i noe myself better than anyone and when it comes to monayy, i cant stop. haha. so yarr,i think ill just settle for this prepaid card thingy thing. ive learnt my lesson,buddy. mom hafta pay hundreds for my bills,not a very good idea anymore. see, im bein more sensible. haha. -rolleyes-

oh yarr, guess what? mommy is retirin soon. after 30 over years of bein in the police force, she is finally retiring. haha. GO,MOMMY! hurhurs. oh yar, bcuz of her good record i assume, she is due to retire at the end of april but, she doesnt hafta go to work on the 1st of april til her retirement. so simply, she's retirin a month earlier. HAHA. yess,im seriously happy. like after all this years of workin her ass off, she needs time off. but then again, my mommy,bein a superwoman,she's already thinkin of a second career even b4 her retirement. like, FARKS. she's thinkin of takin up nursing like her daughter(ehem.) or social services. hurhurs. YAY! GO,MOMMMY!!! -kisses- and oh yar, she'll be havin a retirement party. ALL my friends are invited includin her friends and meimei's friends. ohh ohh, dont ged me wrong. her friends all hip and hip one. not the ah-lau,ahpeks one. hurhurs. so yarr,i will be lookin forward to that cuz she'll be invitin her boys too. haha. YAYness. -winks- her boys,meanin her NS boys in the team lah. aiyah.

anyhooes, i dunnoe if ill be workin tmr. the problem with this phuckin company is that, ur job space is never confirmed. like, u only hafta come to work if they need you. like, yarr,many will think that it's bliss but then again. no monay comin in,how? i oso wanna be independent ok. haish. but then again, i think ill stick to this cuz the doh is good. hurhurs. yarr,i noe. the money-minded me. eh please lah ok. im not desperate of monay but i just dun wanna depend on my parents already. im old enough to take care of myself and i cant be askin money from them like all the time,rite. haish. oh wells.

i seriously dunno what else is there for me to blog about that is worthbloggin let alone worthreadin. hurhurs. and yarr, i dunnoe who even bothers to read this pathetic blog of myne. but might as well. i can rant and rave all i want and insult everyone and not let anyone know. ahha. -evilsmile- ohhh damyn.

im scared about tmr lah. what if. what if. what if. oh God, please do not let it happen. PLEASE. i dun want it. im too young to handle it. i noe. please.urghs. this is bad. and yar, if really it happens, i dunnoe who the hell is the fuckin bugger. like,stoooopid. ni lah kebodohan perempuan. haish. i think i seriously need God. i need to pray and start to be close with him again. i noe he'll listen to me. i noe he'll help me. i just noe it. oh man.

ohhhhhh damn. ok, can anyone answer me? u will ged a bulgin tummy if u drink beer or liquor? which? i haf some of my friends say that u will only ged bloated if u drink beer and some, liquor. so, which issit, mister-knows-alcohol-best? which issit? damnit. i haf this tummy and im fuckin sick of it. i remembered last year, i had a flat tummy. yes, even tho im fat, i haf a flat tummy. not BONCIT OK. haiyah. now, dah kalah ahpek-ahpek yg lek2 pat kedai kopi minum kopi katai. haiyah. stuuupid lah. HOW LIKE THAT.

love,
ana:)

♥

has anyone heard the song Lonely by Akon?
the one the chorus that goes like;
"im so lonely,
im mister lonely,
i haf nobody,
to call my own"

anyone? i hart this song. i swear ill never get bored of this song and it can play in my iPod on repeat mode and i wunt even yawn. cuz its fuckin cute. i hart this song cuz its not only catchy but the lyrics,damn. i hart the lyrics. it tells us about guy playas in general. like how, they play girls out like all the time and when they found the ONE and she leaves,he goes all lonely and all sad and all pathetic.all bcuz she cudnt handle the shit anymore. hurhurs.it tells me how man take woman for granted. this song tells me how a man should be appreciative of a lady and the lil things that she does for her man. and just now, i wus thinkin about alot of stufs that's been goin on around me. hurs,about guys mainly and i hate it everytime i realised that they are just nice to me cuz they want me in their beds. the tot of it just puts me off. i told dzul that and he larfed. he saed i was too blant.but seriously, how else cud you like describe the situation? like, of course i describe it that way cuz if a person is bein genuine with you, u could feel it and after everythin else, he or she would still smile and wave even though ur farrrr away. at least that person will smile. i mean, for father's fark sake, it isnt too hard to smile rite? like, hells. i just dun understand why am i always the one who tries to go the extra mile to be nice to everyone, to be the peacemaker of everybody else's fight and after all that, i still hafta accept the shit.betul nye nasib kentangs lahs aku ni.

i guess its right what nana mentioned. girlfriends' love are genuine and they are there to stay but love as in manlove,they come,they go. and its all different. i was thinkin if i were to be all successful in the future and be all independent, i wud also feel damn alone. im sure of that. i need sumone to pamper me, to want me with them like all the time, to make me feel wanted and secure. a part of me am afraid that if i were to open up again, i wud just ged the wound in me deeper.but theres a part of me that wanna try. despite all my failed relationships,i shudnt just gif up like that. but really, its not me who "failed" the relationship. haish, only God knows. so therefore, im still waitin for him to come and sweep me off my feet and make me marry him. hurhurs. :))

please listen to Lonely by Akon, k?

Lonely
I'm so lonely,I
have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my owwnnnI'm so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl
whose always been there
like ya Kno took all the bullshit
then one day she cant take it no more
and decides to leave
I woke up in the middle of the night
and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin,
for her I wasFeenin,
so I hadda take a little ride,
back tracking ova these few years,
tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin
I'm so lonely (so lonely),
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl
Cant belive I hadda girl like you
and I just let you walk right outta my life,
after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side,
what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl
and I had no right,
I Really wanna make things right,
cuz without u in my life girl
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl
that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run
and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere
in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy
but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long,
I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and

Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonelySo lonely, (so lonely),Mr. Lonely,
so lonelySo lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

haish. i tell you, im soooo awestruck by this song that i am willing to memorise the lyrics of this song. and by the end of this week, i wud be able to sing it independently. this is the second song that got me awestruck. the first wus Its a pity by Tanye Stephens. fuckin catchy rhythm and on top of that, fuckin meaninful lyrics.

i promise i will give my all,
amalina*

♥ the other sex-MEN.

there was this girl. experienced puppy love real puppy, she cud never forget her first boy. they made many envious of their innocent relationship. she,11 and him, 16 then. hurhurs. the relationship moved on to be more serious and one day, she caught herself thinkin about them. her so young and so vulnerable. most importantly, too soon to ged involved. too young to be exposed to anythin near the other sex.she decided to end the almost 3-year relationship despite havin loads of objection and sarcasm from him and his family.

after that, life bcame a whirlwind and she regretted every min of her relationship with him for he had exposed her to many things a 13 year old shudnt haf known and she hated him for her and for once, she tot ignorance is bliss. for a afew years she enjoyed herself with her girlfriends and casual flings til one day she got introduced to another him.got in and out of love.sumthin she hated for she tot to herself why wud sumthin that taste good last too short a time, each time.

she hates men or rather hate their wits, hate their egoistic nature,hate their im-good-lookin-so-fark-all-ugly-pple attitude and yarr, their tukar pompan cam tukar sluar dalam nye prangai.thinks they are scumbags.she thought every man deserved to be toyed with.with reasons so blatantly obvious,that she herself mocks at it.they broke her heart,they toyed around with her emotions,they used her,they loved her and left her,they made her wait,they gave sweet promises that promises her the world,the stars the moon but only to break all that in a day,they.then she thought,why bother?relationships are crap.they're jas a waste of time , emotions and money.they're jas,there.but never,'there'.so she played along.twisted men around her fingers,left them when she thought she was going too deep.that made her a bitch in many many many people's eyes.they never knew.they never knew how it felt like to be her.only because,they found the right ones'. if they were to be in her place,they wud diss diss men as much too.

alone to face the unexpected and cruel world. scared to accept the fact that there might be sumone else livin inside her wantin to come out. she just cudnt let it come out just like that. what would people think? what would they sae? sumtymes, she just feels like tellin everyone that whatever that they are all worried about, she has actualli been there tried it done that. perhaps,that would stop all the worrying. hurhurs. how contradictin can life be.

after all that negativity, she can still smile cuz she thank God for cradling herrr. Amin

on a lighter note, ydae made me love gayahs more. seriously.girl, u noe that me and nana love you like no other and yarr, seriously. i aint lyin. im just glad that we talked it out k girl. u noe u cud count on me and nana if u ever wanna talk aites. mwahs. i love you girl. and yes, nana too. mwahs. i noe deep down in you, u love me even though u dun wanna say it out loud. haha. ok girl, i love you back. mwahs.

God-cradled,
amalina:))

♥ skinny-dippin:))

hurs.
woke up reluctantly today,i dunnoe what the hell woke me up but i woke up in an instant. like,when ur not reluctant to ged ur ass up and workin, u ged up with ur eyelids slowly open. but today, i woke up as though i was in shocked with my eyes wide open. hmm. i tot i had a freaggin nitemare but i cudnt remember anything. but might as well. nightmares are not supposed to be remembered,i say.

hurs.me and nana went skinny-dippin. and im not freaggin lyin. hurhurs.and yah, a fish jumped out of the water,kissed me or rather sucked me on my cheeks and scared the wits outta me. i screamed like there wus a shark. hurhurs. i felt great after the whole thingy and seriously, i felt relaxed. u pple shud try it sumtyme. its therapeutic i tell you. the warm waters of the sea sorta soothes ur muscles and i can proudly say that there are no more blackheads on my nose cuz i used sand to scrub. and yah, use sand to scrub ur legs and ur hands. it works wunders i tell you. haha. before we met yan and kamal for the skinnydip, we were chyllin out at the waterbreak when two guys, roy and john approached. they seemed all nice and sweet though. we started talkin and got to know that roy wus caucasian and john wus punjub. ok fyne, i didnt haf any racial problems with pple not from my race so we started crappin and everythin. after everythin that happened btwn them and us, me and nana haf finally aggreed that roy wus a muthafucker and a big-time asshole. he wus the most cocky guy ive ever met. hes the most cool-tak-jadi guy that ive ever met and i wish we didnt talk to them in the first place. phhew. bad mistake,hhuuuuggeee mistake. but then yan and kamal came and everythin went back to normal again. had farn skinny-dippin with them.haha. sexy body kamal has. and yarr,hes such a farny man. HAHA. we crapped along and after bathin, we went to macs cuz we were fuckin hungry. hurhurs. :))

got home and slept til around 2.i didnt feel like wakin up cuz i wus still feelin sleepy. so at around 3,i slept again til about 5.discovered that i didnt hafta work today cuz my line got shutdown and they didnt require any workers today.its fuckin sucky i tell you. prolly, we'll be tryin the tuas factory. even though its fuckin farr. but the monay's good. ohh anyways, spoke to imp ydae and found out that he was attached already. haha. ok,good for you boy. im just happy for him that he found sumone else instead of hangin onto me. like, farks. the other time when i wus with fazly, he wanted me to break up with fazly so taht we cud be together. EH WAH BYNK HENSEM MUKE. chets. please lah. i promised myself that in under any circumstances, i will not go back with him. because of sum reasons that is.all i hafta say, good luck to his new girl. haha. nanti barulah tau. im in no position to say anything and actualli, i shudnt be sayin anythin but since its my blog and i can say whatever i wanna say, so why not. -rolleyes-

i seriously am goddamnit broke. im so broke, my credits in my hp is measly. credit-check, 0.03cents. like, how. aiyah.and tmr, nana's gg jb. WITHOUT ME. urghs. that's a callin for me to take up my license ASAP. i cant go on like this. always dependin on other pple. i dun wanna be a pillian already. i wanna be a rider.ride the waves.hurs,in this case, its, ride the roads. another 6months and ill be on my way takin lessons. haha. den i can ride ride my bike and go jb without any pillian. HAHA. how, jeles not?!

damn. theres no more food. urghs. this makes me even madder. has anyone eaten roti john without the minced meat inside? i ate it just now and its bad. i wus sooo fuckin pissed sey. so pissed that i went down for a walk and bumped into the infamous rossy. like whatthehells. and now,hes confusin me with his status. either that hes already married or hes not. aiyoh. please lah. if he noes me well enough, he wud noe that im fuckin blur.like, the other time he told me he wus married, i went like huh. den now he told me hes not married. i wus again like, huh. and nooooww, he tells me that hes married. i went, SHADUP! ur confusing me. pple close to me wil noe that im a very confused person.i cannot accept facts as a whole or facts that keep on changin. i will ged a headache and now, my head is spinnin. for real. urghs. damn you. urrrrggghs.

ok fyne. nuff of this all. i wanna dig sumthin to eat cuz im seriously hungry.
before that, my sweetest goodbye.
love,
pe'ah.

♥ boys from mars, girls from venus :((

haish.
i seriously dunnoe what the hell is wrong with me.
things seems to be so screwed around me.
seriously. ive never felt so pressurized in my life.
like,im anticipatin for sumthing bad to happen to me and the waitin is killing me.
the reason why im like sorta waitin for sumthin bad to happen to me is because i feel my palm wet and sweaty and i dun feel composed one fuckin single bit. this is phuckin bad.

p e o p l e from planet m a r s .
im also waitin for the time where this species will be diminished completely from this surface of the earth.
its like, fuckwittage.
im sick of guys makin use of me and suckin up to me just bcuz they want me in their bed,abstractly i mean.
im fuckin sick of waitin for the time when a real and a genuine prince will come knockin on really untidy doorface and just carry me,kiss me on my lips and save me from this cruel world. yes,i know that it will be like, a forever-wait. im on the verge of givin up on what something which some may describe as sweet-tasting and just,fulfilling. owh man. again, this is bad. like,phuckin really bad.

i thought ive finally met my real and genuine prince charmin when i met fazly. but too bad,i thought wrong. now, a love-hate relationship is best. i thought ive finally met my real and genuine prince charming when i met king. but too bad,AGAIN, i was wrong. no no, not just bcuz i met him in a club. hurs. its absolutely stuupid to actually be really attracted to him but fuck, again, i was fuckin wrong when i accepted his strawberry tequila. yarr, blame me for havin sucha totally stuupid stupidity and mentality lah k. just lay me off. -rolleyes-

i feel so screwed bcuz i feel like givin up clubbin and all things bad and not-so-nice-and-sweet-afterall. but im screwed also bcuz i enjoyin doin it even though its bad and not-so-nice-and-sweet-if-you-think-bout-it.damnit lah k.i feel like sooo fuckin rotten that i feel like jumpin off the bridge at boat quay and just let myself float and absorb the salt in the sea.perhaps, alil more salt in my system wud enable me to think straight. perhaps huhs. i seriously feel like cryin and the idea of havin no one to go back to talk to, just stabs me in my heart. of course, there are my girlfriends whom i know who wud die for me and vice versa. but i feel, like, i wan sumthin moorre. call me selfish. call me whatever. im just a like a masterpiece who wants to be looked at and be noticed. come on. like, dun deny that some of us seriously feel envious when we see couples cuddlin up and when they share an umbrella when it rains or like how the boyfriend would carry the girlfriend's bag so that it wun be wet. urgghs.owh man. im seriously not expectin anything in return when im actualli nice or rather, when im bein xtra nice to sum guy cuz i noe deep down,i would ged nothing. nothing to my advantage, that is.

" we are just two parallel lines that will never meet."
i came up with this phrase bcuz it so reflects me myself and i. like, sometimes, i find a special someone that is so like me. like, we haf similar characteristics,preferences and when somethin va-da-boom happens,i find that we cudnt be together. like, right now, im drownin myself into lagu jiwa-jiwa for i dunnoe what farks but its helpin me cry summore. sometimes, i just feel that i wanna be all sappy and all mushy just for the sake of it all and when i hear to songs by exists or siti nurhaliza, i cant help but cry. now, mario feat fara-ima let me love you. everyone who wanna listen to her redition of tha song, click here.
its hawt i tell you. again,im gonna say that shes yana's sis. shes hawt and shes rad. really. her voice, like woah. check it out if ur my friend. hurhurs. really. shes THAT good. and yarr,shes only turnin seventeen this year. so,wah-da-boom aites.shes sooo gonna make it one day. one day,shes gonna be mtv-rich. and im fuckin serious.

its now like three in the mornin and i think im gonna hit the bed. oh now, today, its, im gonna hit the floor cuz im sleepin over's at granny's place with my beautiful cousins and lin. hurs. and shes already fast asleep. hmmm.oh yes, anyone who haf slender fingers which can do wonders on bodies, holler me aites. my body is achin and i seriously need a full bod massage. yes,i saed FULL. i hart the massage salon at lavender where the pple who has slender fingers,can do wunders to the bodies. oh yah, they are blind too. so you dun need to be ashame to strip in front of them cuz they cant see and thats why i like it. cuz they cant see my fats. HAHA. i think im gonna book an appointment soon. my legs hurt like farks, my calf too and oh yes, my spine. i swear if sumthin hits my spine,it'll crack. like,fast. GAWD.

okie. my lil cousin is buggin me to ged off the comp. so me bein the nice elder cousin will let him use the comp.HAHA.ok, and also, abg madi has stories to fill me in. so yet another reason to ged off the comp. yippe.!

takecare yall.i promise ill take care too.
mwahs.

♥ k a r m a .

hurhurs. all i can say is that, god is fair.
i lost my monay and i got a hp.
how fair is that you tell me?
haha.
and yes, its a fone that goes flipflip.
weeee.what a blardy turn on.
like, how king turns me on, this fuckin fone is turnin me on.

like, farks. guessed what? my legs hurt, my arms hurt and my neck hurts like farks. this is like so bad. and today, ive gotta miss mami jarom junior cuz i hafta fuckin work. pfft. haish. what luck. but whatever, even though i hafta work tmr,im not gg cuz i haven been sleepin in my own bed at night for like ages and i kinda miss snugglin up my blankie cuz the wind's too cold. oh wells. im thinkin of geddin back my card from abg madi so that i can use it ASAP. haha. im sooo fuckin excited. anyone who calls me, ill pick up. cuz ill haf ta *flipflip the phuckin thing.haha.and yah,even though, my credits low,ill try to flip the fone to see who it is and ill call u back. i promise. the flipflip thingy thing just turns me on like totally. HAHA.

found out that nette has already got a blog. haha. yarr,i noe i wus supposed to help her do her blog like since our schoolin days but i guessed i didnt. i noe nette. smack me on ma ass. haha. but ur blog looks great and it reflects u lah ok.the whole rockgirl thingy thing. hehhe. hope everythin's goin fine with u. and yarr,im workin now OK.haha.so are YOU werkin? haha.mwahs,girl. like, are u touched or what? i wrote this whole paragraph about u. you.you.you:)) hurhurs.

i miss king i tell you. ydae,i wus watchin makin the video on mtv's and it was the makin of the candy shop by 50cent ft olivia and it kinda reminds me of him. damn. he had the whole hiphop thingy thing goin on. and damn,hes hot. haha. ok,king is not 50cent-hawt but at least hes cute. haha. hes sucha a cutie i tell you. so cute, lin wanna pinch his cheeks. hurhurs. oh wells. i met him in a club so, the stereostype abt girls meetin guys at clubs still applies. -rolleyes- hurhurs.

ok. i think ive gotta go and meet abg madi cuz hes supposed to come with me to ite simei. i find it totally troublesome. like, first, they told us to log in the net to check our application and then, when sumthing crops up, i haf ta go alllll the way to ite simei just to confirm my courses. like, stupid. fuck the edu system, i sae. haha.ohkie, i might ged sued for this so i think i better stop.

takecare yall.oh yar,i think i like him callin me girl. haha. sounds cute i think. pfft.oh wells, im gonna go now.
dun miss me too much,yarr?

♥ its all about poise, i say.

hurs :))
farn i must say.
i didnt regret hangin 'round the vip bar.
went in at like 10,sat at the sofas and people-watch.
yah,i noe. LAME.but fuck, me lin and nana wus feelin hot and found a spot where we cud aircon-ing.
prolly sat there for 'bout an hour b4 gg out to meet gayahs nina chris cici and kit.more girlstalk,i guess.

went in and sorta did our thing and after afew hours,i went to sit at the vip bar cuz i tot i saw izzat of soldadu as the bartender. damn,i wus right. he wus farn. entertainin us with the glass tricks and all. dis indian a la caucasian guy came to talk to us and i tot that he wus rather cool so i talked to him and stufs. den at like abt 1, thats when the shit happens. actualli it wus nice shit. haha.

we were sittin at the vip bar completely oblivious of the reserved tag thats been placed on the bar and when this group of the mat mat hip hop came. i guessed it wus their place since i always see them hangin 'round and doin the whole a la hiphop thingy there. but we didnt budged cuz we wre too lazy to. den this indian-lookin guy victor, who later i found out that he happens to be the owner of queens,came to us and told us to sit with them and not to bother 'bout the bouncers tellin 'kids' to ged out. so we stayed. haha, ordered drinks with our pink tags. haha. yah, if ur wearin the pink tag, it means sumthin. but vict told the bouncer to tell everyone that we're with them and i got stares. alot of stares i mean. haha. but ,whatever. HAHA. i wus happily people-watchin when a guy across the bar caught my attention. he wus doin the whole cheers thingy to me but i tot he wasnt doin it to me so i just sorta looked at him. i didnt wanna bother cuz i tot he wus 'cheerin' with his friend outside but he pointed to me so, i did the cheerin thing wit him. den after, he came to me and we talked. haha. i sent a wink to nana since she wus cuddlin up with vict and lin wus with another friend of whom i forgot the name. and hells, i wus sittin with him. yarr, his name is king. i mean, what a name. like, farks. who wud seriously name himself, king. like,stuupid. haha. but hes cool lah. haha. oh yar yar, we got ta meet a guy from ahli fikir and i think they call him daly or sumthin.haha. he wus farn. after vict bit me on ma arms, he wanted to try it too and so i smacked his head.haha. like, in the middle of nowhere, suddenly a head pops up beside u and suddenly bites u. like, how can u not scream u tell me. hurhurs. but it wus all farn i guess. king wus the sweetest and he cudnt stop callin me girl. like, he'll go like hey girl, ya alrite? ; girl,damn ur hot and girl this and girl that. omg. excuse me mister, u cud call me by my name for a change, yah? pfft. so we chylled summore til round 3 when we left for the office. and yeah boy, ill see you around too :))

gayahs wus pissed cuz she saed she felt left out.like, come on, girl. i hart you like no other and if u remember, i explained to you why we're doin this rite? so, please. i stil love u. very much. and that hug outside the toilet, it wus fuckin sincere.i love you still the same. and yah, please, i fuckin mean it sial.

all in all, i had farn besides the fact that i dunoe where the hell my money went. damnit lah sial. over forty bucks gone in the wind. urghs. and my card's with lin. talk abt fuckwittage.pfft.puff.haish.i just hope my monay's with herr now. oh damn,im werkin tonite. all is good i guess.

im gonna eat sumthin b4 takin a nap again. so yah, take care pple.
and oh yes,im phuckin happy cuz harny replied my mail back. seems that shes ok. thank god for that. she made me sooo worried and all. hurhur. mwahs, girl. ur very very much loved. <33.

love,
girl ;)

♥ parteh plans :)

hey all:)

im supposed to meet dillah chris zaid and min tonite. but i choose sleepin instead. just what the hell is fuckin wrong with me. urghs. ok,dun start. im just farkin tired lah k. i got home at 6.45 after belly dancin and my legs hurt like mad and along with other bodyparts. urghs. pfft. i just wish sumone cud shoot me.

talked to dzul ydae and he lectured me. ALOT. gawd. for farkin father's sake, i dun need another lecture from anybody.let alone it coming from YOU. haish.please lah erk. i think im old enuff to decide the friends i wanna mix with, the places i wanna go. i dun need anyone to tell me that what im doin is wrong. like for farks. even if i screw my life up,i will just haf ta bear the consenquences and if i dun screw up, then nothing will be wrong rite? so y not take the risk? if u dun try, ull never know. -winks- i noe that sounds sooo cliche-y. but whatever :((

got home and mommy wus like, "where the hell u went ydae?!!". i wus like "cycling lah." and she wus like "and who's helmet is that?!!" and i went "my friend's,duh?" like,OMG. please lah mom. im not doin anythin wrong out there and seriously, i can take care of myself. im gonna be 18 and even though u may say that im still under ur control,i do deserve my share of freedom rite?. so please. i wont ged my ass into any policestations so dont u worry. that, i promise.

sumhow, i haf mixed feelins twds him. i dunnoe what to expect from him or rather, shud i even expect anythin in the first place? OHMYDEVILS.but i feel good huggin him. i feel good when he kisses me goodbye. and i feel good when you-noe-what. haha. yah,i feel good. but i feel as if i cant really talk to him like i feel as though, theres this hhuuuuugeee barrier btwn us that needs to be liften b4 anythin happens. like, i dunnoe if hes quiet by nature or reserved. i dunnoe. hmm,frankly,i noe nuts abt this guy and that makes it all more excitin cuz theres like this mysterious aura around him that make me more curious.but who noes, all we haf between us is just lust. thats prolly why im sayin that im havin mixed feelins.urghs. oh yarr, farra sent me an email, again. :)) i qoute her-
"i know that you're just this girl who just wants attention and love. but u dunch hav to try really hard course' theres a whole lot of pple who loves you and treasure you. u shud just smile and be yourself.dunch you worry too much about guys around you. if they love you, they will stay. if they go, they dunch deserve your time and space and of course, your money. oh yes, have that bloody asshole bastard son-of-a-bitch returned you the money yet? "

HAHA. i hart this bitch. too much til i puked. and farra, for ur further information,im fuckin broke bcuz he hasnt return my money YET. so yah, if u wanna help, u cud send me like 200sing? haha. kiddin! im startin werk on mondae or on tuesday i think. so that wud help me scrape through the rest of my hols. seriously, i dunnoe where im gonna werk at. i mean, i know its at this factory which actually requires us to pack cds or hps. either one but i dunnoe whic. but then, i dun mind werkin in a factory cuz the money's good. yumyum:)) i loike. and its night shift. haha. i told dzul about my werkin plans and hes already doubtin me. HAISH. oh yes, for all u pple out there, this dzul IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. PLEASE.hes my friend and i hart him like an elder bro. THAT LOVE,ya noe? ahhh.

i dunnoe lah erks. i wus on the fone ydae with dzul and wan who wus beside me asked who was i talkin to. and when i told him that it wus dzul, his facial expression tukar. but i sorta didnt care and just continued to talk. then, after that, dzul asked me who the hell asked who wus i talkin to. and when i saed that it wus wan, he saed like," saper dier nak sebok2." haha. whatever. i sense a tinge of jealousy? (prasan plak ni pompan..) HAHA. i mean, really what, if u dun care, dun ask lah. haha. but i hart the both of them. one to gimme a listenin ear when i really need one, and the other just to be there when i need sumone to hold me. HAISH. how i wish i cud meet sumone who cud haf the mix of the both of them. -wishes- i dunnoe lah.

ive already made up my mind that i wanna go KL on my eighteen bdae be it on a bike or be it, backpackin. also, ive already made up my mind that i wanna take up ridin lessons. hmm,that wud be a license 2A or issit 2B? anyhows 2A or 2B,im takin. hurhurs. oh yah, did i mention that i got shortlisted for nursing at ite simei? HAHA.
but listen to what ive gotta say next. READY? haha.

IM GOIN IN WITH LIN AND NANA!!!
haha. yEssssa. two of my besties. mwahs.mwahs.mwahs. ohkie. so, nursing huhs? kinda excitin for me. ive gotten over the im-too-stupid-to-ged-my-ass-into-poly depression stage so here i am, excited abt goin to popular store to ged notebooks, lecture pads, pens,pencils and what nots. haha. oh yah, a new school shoe. if im takin up nursing,im sure we'll haf ta wear dress thingy thing. and yah, even though its a long wayyy up, ill do my best not to screw things up again. really. i promise.

its just 12 and i cant freaggin sleep. i think im already accustomed to night life where i no longer feel sleepy at 12 in the morning anymore. owh mans. this is bad. my whole body clockwork has reversed. me, sleepin when pple are awake and awake when they are sound asleep. hmm. oh yarr, that reminds me, if i were to attend school rite, that means, i wud still hafta go thru PE? aHhhhhhhhhh.dun wan! i hate PE. i hate runnin 'round tracks and doin the whole exercise thingy thing. owh man, ask me to play netball for hours, i dun mind. but please, dun make me run.i hate running. GAWD. this is BAD.damn BAD. urghs. ok,so one reason to HATE school. i hate PE cuz it makes me sweat and it makes me look shaggy and all tercugap-cugap if u ged what i mean. not that i dun like perspirin, i like perspirin but when i hate it if im MADE to run. ged what i mean? hurhurs.

ohhh yah,i hate it if girls put this on their frensta profile." FOR UR FURTHER INFO, I HATE MINAHS AND IM NOT A MINAH". i mean,what the hell is fuck wrong. like,really lah erk. nothing wrong in being called a minah. i mean, i refer to minah as a term like girl. for example like, if theres a group of prettyboys nearby, ill prolly go"eh ader mat lah sial". similarly, if i see a bunch of girls very pretty and stylish and all, i wud go like "eh minah lah sial".see? nothing wrong. but if like, u noe those girls who wear tight white/black tops, cakey make-up, thin eyebrows and VERY PINK blusher? Minah-rep,kots? HAHA. ok,im in no position to say anythin abt their fashion sense, haha,i cant help it lah. wassup with ur fuckin thin eyebrows and cakey to the max makeup. sumtymes i see those mentioned, i feel my tummy bein tickled. like, really. they put on foundation,powder on their faces but sumtymes, they forgot to blend it near the neck area.so that results in uneven face colour which means, a la BADUT peh style. HAHA. cam kai mask. hurhurs. nak pakai,pakai lah betul betul. obvious beb! hurhurs.

love,
tummytickled me:)

♥ just shut the hell up and no one will call u dumb.

oh ah ah lah.
i forgot.
hehe.
this saturday,parteh.
30th parteh,again.

she saed im a loosebitch cuz i party all the time.
HAHA.
JEALOUS KAPE.
:P
oklah,wait for u to turn 16, den i bring u.
HOW?
hurhurs.

♥

how can i not smile and larf after geddin a testimonial like this?

-WOI BUDAK!!!!!!!!!! APA MACIAM!!!????BAGOS???!!!!!
GOOD...nie bdak ah manyak bagui ah!haiyah...wa jealous sama dia lor...
apa lia buat,smua bagui.nie olang ah baik ah.lu ok sama dia,dia ok sama lu.
wa dulu anti sama dia liao.tapi cikalang ah,sudah ok ah.sulah talak rival lagi.
WA LOVE SAMA DIA LIAO.LU LOVE SAMA GUA? WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jgn mrh ah.wa gulau aja.haha.well,dats all i hv 2 say... take care my fren...
do drop me a testi k...take care....

to ismail. thanks for ur testi.it really made my day even though its like 11 at night. geddin a testimonial from him made me realise how much i miss those drama days. those come-at-7am-and-go-back-at-9pm for drama practices. like,OMG.

when i wus in secthree, i wus involved in this drama competition, Sayembara Teater and our school performed a play called "Camelia". it wus an indonesian play and that means that, all actors haf to speak with an indonesian accent. when i first got to know abt the play's background, my jaw dropped. i wus already stammerin with my malay and how the hell am i supposed to speak indon. like,farks. so i thought,i wudnt haf a slightest chance in actin but i did try my best. the day of my auditions, i did my best and waahhh-lah, i got a part. i got to play mother to a teenage girl. i wus fuckin excited bcuz i wus appointed "supporting actress" and also bcuz ive always been interested in drama and ive never gotten a chance to be involved so when the opportunity came knockin, i grabbed it,i guessed. but that wasnt as simple as i thought. for 3 months, we slugged and we slaved. during weekdays, we had practices at school and it ended at 6pm. for weekends when there wasnt anything, we went to the blackbox at cairnhill road at 7 in the morning and for 3 mths, the teaterkami blackbox became my second home. daddy(our drama instructor) bcame our father and that wus y we call him daddy and til now,if i ever see him outside,ill still scream DDAAADDDDYYYY. haha.

i hart daddy, abg ipul, kak suhaila,kak dalifah,kak nina and abg nizam. HAHA. i used to haf a secret crush on abg ipul but it wasnt a secret anymore after ira told him my secret. BOOHOO.haha. but that wus sooo lame and that wus soooo over. those dramadays,i will never forget and it will be one experience where ill live and tell all my children and make them tell their children. oh yah, we won "best drama script" for Sayembara Teater. haha. i noe,THANKS. but i didnt win anythin despite cryin. omg,i tell you,ill never forget how i made myself cry on the day of the competition. i wus supposed to do this supppa long monologue and i had to cry to make it look real so the day b4 i wus crackin my head on how the hell am i supposed to make myself cry cuz for all the past practices, i didnt managed to cry even when daddy and abg ipul cursed and swore at me. in the end, i listened to "All or Nothing" by O-town over and over again and i finally cried. haha. i noe, its kinda lame but when u gotta cry,u just gotta cry. hurhurs.and yah, i noe its kinda late but i wanna do the cheers thingy. kisses to all this pple:
Syahrul Huda who played Camelia.
Ismail(who wrote me the testi) who played Eddy.
Azri who played Papa.
ME! who played Mama
Hazirah who played Rita
Suriani- Director
Rifaie-Asst Director
Fadhullah,Syazwan,Ruzaini-Soundmen.
Daddy- drama instructor
Abg pul- asst instructor
and yah, kak suhaila, who personally trained me with my emotions and accent.

I LORVE THE WHOLE OF THE TEATERKAMI COMPANY.

love,
dramamomma:)

♥

haish.
aperlah kau ni bo;)
since when were u interested in my ass.
haha.yah,i noe. since elementary rite?
i knew it. haha. i knew u were checkin them out.
HAHA. whatever boy.
tidak ku sangke:)

haha. we were supposed to meet up at 11 at lin's place. HAHA. i cant help it but larf. the keyword here is SUPPOSED and since im sittin comfortably on my chair, bloggin, u guys shud already noe that the plan has again backfired. HAHA. for the second time in a row. what the blardy farks. okie.fyne. i shall just shut my ass and shuff it up my nose.haha. :)

oh wells.ydae wus an okie day i guess. met lin n gayahs at cityhall and for the first time, i wus late. haha. and for the first time in my entire life, i got gayah and lin waitin for me. HAHA. miracle erk? HAHA. like, they waitin for me? THEY? haha. so we went over to esplanade to chill and talk since its been ages since we last went there. so we were sittin at the ampi and i decided to paint my nails with gayah's christian dior's untamed brown. haha. after that, went shoppin at carrefour. i tell you, im sooo waitin for the time that ill ged my own apartment. HAHA. den after that,ill tie gayah lin n nana to me and we'll go shoppin at carrefour like, every week end. haha. how cool is that. and yes, me and nana made plans already of how the whole house's gonna look like. and i think im likin it. hurhurs. anywaes, after the whole big shoppin spree at carrefour, went to meet nana at the fountain. OMG. that place, OUR PLACE. there,that place, we laid on our backs, we had our girl talks,our rants and ravings, our lil a-la-indonesian-maid picnics with sandwiches and brownies, our photo-takin sessions and of course, our goofin arnd. HAHA. at arnd eight, azhar ellie rasyid and boy came to meet us at usual place. chilled, talked, "decorated" boy to be a girl, had eyeliner and lipgloss on him and he looked BEAUTIFUL.haha. i think rasyid is pissed or rather irritated with me or maebe, he has sumthin against me. like, from the way he stares at me, the way he comments EVERYTHIN that i do and from the way he talks to me. LIKE OMG. what the farks. I NOE. like, just wats his farkin problem. like, whatever.

den headed home. after bathin, eatin, surfin the net for abit, at arnd 12, nana called me. and insisted that we went out. ok, fyne. so we were out. haha. cycled all the way to marina south. like, OMG. penat nak mampos. headed home at 6 and slept til 1. hurhurs. so thats y,im still at home, bloggin. owh man. i think i hart azhar. seriously. but i hart him like hart him.not like how nana likes him lah k.haha. hes like this boy girlfriend that i haf and i hart him and i would like to see him with nana. HAHA. hes just cute and theres this snugglin spot btwn me and him that we can snuggle to and sumtimes go against nana. HAHA. me-azhar, TAG TEAM. hurhrus. they are farn pple i guess.

fazly saed he can only return me the stufs in a week or two. like, FARKS. issit my farkin problem that u spent all ur money on drinks? HUH? issit my farkin problem? another example of SELF-CENTRED EGOISTIC BASTARDS. i tell you. i used to find him so caring and so sensitive and all things sweet and nice, but now, thinkin of it all, theres nothing much to him. REALY. he isnt as charmin at all. he isnt as farny as sum other guys i noe. he isnt even NICE. so what the fark and to think he really tot that i wus callin him cuz i missed him. GED A FUCKIN LIFE. the only thing that i miss is havin my precious hp and havin my monay back. gawd.

ive come to a point where love doesnt matter anymore. whether ur with me cuz u love me or not doesnt matter to me anymore.seriously. simply, love has disappointed me and perhaps, in a few years time,when i think im ok again, ill love again.thats a promise. but for now, money makes my world go round. hurhurs. :)

haish. for now, i wanna figure out what 2 dollars can buy me. hurhurs.
go figure~

♥

i swear i wus so fuckin pissed ydae, my head wud blow.
ydae, just when we are supposed to ged on the bikes and smoke sheesha, sum fuckin biatch has ta spoil it for us just bcuz she cudnt accept the fact that her ex boyfriend chooses my girlfriend instead of her. i mean, who the hell wud have chosen her. like,just a fuckin life sial. seriously. haish. i seriously dunnoe what to say abt drama bodoh yang terjadi semlm. all i noe, she spoilt my sheesha plans and bcuz of her, we didnt enjoy even a single bit of ydae. seriously. and azhar totally didnt deserve to be kick at his stiches. SIAL PEH POMPAN. ive never seen such a vicious woman in my entire life. like,im fuck serious.

like, they were already hitting each other and den azhar fell cuz of his leg(they were bandaged), and she can kick him summore. tak terbaring tu anak? cam sial kan. i wus like practically screamin to ged them off each other. i wanted to cry cuz try imaginin, u stil haf ur stitches on and sumone just kick u rite at the spot. how fuck painful is that. but i wus glad ari kicked her. mmg padan sial. stupid sial. i mean, this thing is btwn the two of them and bcuz of them, we got stuck there. for a very very very long time. and i wus fuckin pissed. haish. but thinkin of it, i cudnt blame yana too. any girl who has gone thru what she went thru wud haf done sumthin similar sial.

i just hope she cud accept the fact.i noe it seems easy for me to say it but really, theres nothin u can do if the other party doesnt wanna be with u. its like, even if u are together, one wud surely be unhappy. and its always tough to move on if u really really love sumone and u wud do anythin to ged him back with u. she saed sumthin ydae that made me stared at them.

HER:azhar. tengok aku,azhar! tengok. kau tak kesiankan aku ker? aku setier giler pat kau. kau tau tak? AZHAR!aku boleh sujud pat kaki kau,azhar. tolong lah. azhar!

she wud do anything to ged him back. even if its sujud-ing. kalau aku,tak dpt. if im faced with a similar situation, i wudnt haf stayed. i wud just haf gone. seriously. i always believe that i wudnt want to be in a situation where im one of the choices. like, my boyfriend has ta choose btwn me and another girl. i wudnt wan to stay for his decision. i wud just haf walked away. call me scared,call me whatever but i cant bear to hear what he has got to say. i just cant bear. so its better if i walk away and so, he doesnt hafta make any decision at all cuz hes left with the other girl. it happened to me b4 and its happenin to my girlfriend. and im sick of this trend. seriously. fuck serious. daz y lah, in my best minah kampung-kampung lingo: "kiter ni nasib kentangs kots."

haish. life. LIFE.lIfe. LiFE.lIfE.
boooo.
but i hope, things wud change for the better cuz we're gonna parteh again this saturday. haha. dillah suggested a walk-in chalet. okielah. not bad idea. hehe. at least,we cud mingle mingle. haf farn. oh yah, this time, sumone PLS bring sumthin to play OK. hmm, monopoly is good. UNO is good too.haha,what abt UNO stacko? haha. ok fyne. the list cud go on and b4 i crap, i'd leave.

toodles.

♥

no one seems to be there.
to be there when i need a shoulder to cry on.
to be there when i need to talk.
period.

my soul is cryin and i noe it.

♥

im not eligible for any poly courses.
ANY.
NOT EVEN ONE.
NOT EVEN FUCKIN NURSING COURSE AT NYP.
.
.
.
.
SO here i am, imaginin to be draggin my soul to school. in a real school now. with uniforms, rules and regulations, early mornings and long bus rides. URGHS. sumhow,i hate it now. I HATE IT ;
and i noe sum may sae its too late to regret. but fuck, i regret not trying harder sial.i shudnt haf been a smart-aleck and surfed the poly webbie, checkin out the courses that they were offerin. i shudnt haf surfed to see if i wus eligible for any courses.owh man, how the truth hurts. so bad.

FARK LAH. i went into the system and ite offered me courses like business studies, integrated logistics management and sport management. like FARKS. who gives a fuckin damn abt administration? damn hell,i screwed my life at this phase but its ok lah,ill pick myself up and try not to screw it again. really. i will promise Him that;) i just feel like cryin now. omg.

at this point of time, when i need sumone to hug, sumone to be there for me, i find myself lookin left and right and still find no one familiar. i find no one with an apathetic ear to listen to what ive got to say. to hear me rant, to hear me scream and to hear me whine all i want. i find no one at all. where are all my so-called babyboys who always say that they will be there when i fuckinly seriously need them. where are they sial.haish. again, i feel alone. where is he when i need him to listen to me? he saed hes gonna be there for me and he told me that i cud cum to him anytime and whenever i want to scream. but where is he sial. pfft.

perhaps gg to the ite is sumthin not bad at all. i mean, its not bad at all. im not lookin down on ite students and ive nvr looked down on them b4 but then,im just feelin down that i didnt try harder. its all hittin on me now. fyne lah k. i just hafta pick myself from where my life has dropped and just not screw up again. hurhurs. i will do just that ;)

anywaes, thanks min for listening to me. ur sucha a great fren too. and njoy urselves with ur boys aites? mwahs.hur,i dun understand why he wants pple to call him min. min sounds too girly. but hes nice;)

since i cant reply to you pple,lemme reply it here.

mas-i noe how u feel dear. things will be better soon.i promise. you noe ill always be there for you. mwahs.
farra- shit happens and when it does, whatever you do, it'll still be shitified. aites? geddit babe? my results are dirrty. but dun worry, ill pick myself up:) i mean,i hafta rite.
mel- it doesnt matter if ur fat sial.i mean,i dun gif a shit bt what pple think. they like they stay, they dun like, they can leave. i dun need pple to bring me down. ok? seriously. dun bother abt shitheads like em.ur great the way u are. dun worry,girlfriend.

toodles now.

♥

~~22~~ says:
hmm...
~~22~~ says:
u one thing gud is tat u can analyze n understand situaltion liek an adult.. i loike!!
dun catch me when i fall. says:
haha.
dun catch me when i fall. says:
daz farny
~~22~~ says:
serious...
dun catch me when i fall. says:
cuz my ex broke up with me cuz he tot i wus childish immatured and spoilt.
~~22~~ says:
haha!! stupid siak he
dun catch me when i fall. says:
yah,hes an ass.
dun catch me when i fall. says:
whatever lah.

see MOHAMAD FAZLY BIN AMAT, UR NOT ALL GREAT.
just remember however great u are, u still owe me monay and my hp.
HAHA.

whatever lah k. i dun like you. in fact, i hate you to the core already. dun think that i call you cuz i wanna hurray-hurray with u. ur fuckin wrong. please. just look arnd you.
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.

♥

arab street,
railway food court,
anyone?

im so hooked to sheesha,my throat hurts damn bad.wus a grt sheesha-ing day.nothing cud be better than havin sheesha at like 12. like,farks. ohhhyes, the cheers thingy thing.

CHEERS to them.i shall not reveal their names. hurhurs. after that, i rode on wan's bike. he looked very wak-wak and azhar called him wak kang. haha. seriously. but hes only 24 i think. and hes short. i think alil shorter than me. haha.but hes cute. and damnn sexxay. pple close to me would noe what it means when i say that hes sexxay. ahaks.farks lah aite.so at like 2 in the mornin, went back to azhar's place.seems that azhar's stayin alone and so me nana azhar wan zai and ali went to watch Cinta Luar Biasa. haha, yeah rite. go pple house, watch vcd. HAHA. but really lah. we were watchin that movie. the movie that starred saiful apek. hehe,noe sumthin? i think im geddin better in rememberin malay names lah. seriously. but i cant remember the other names of the actors slash actresses though. hurhurs. yah,thank you very much. hurhurs. after that, it wus history. dun ask me.all i noe,i had farn. reeeaaalll farn. oh wells hehs. ;)

hmm,i just wished he call me or sumthin. heard from azhar that he asked for my contacts. prolly hes alil shy. haha,or blame me for givin him my door number. prolly hes intimidated or sumthin.i dunnoe. haha. oh yesh, guess what?! ROSSY'S MARRIED SIAL. haha. yahh,u noe the boy across the block? yes? a piece from my past? yeS? YESS,that one. HES FUCKIN MARRIED SIAL. no no,im not pissed that hes married,all the better, but at least tell me lah. like farks rite. STUPID SIAL. when he told me,i wus fuckin shocked. like my mouth wus literally hanging sial. urghs. fark lah erks. cant be bothered. like,omg. sumhow, i cudnt find sumthin worth bloggin abt. everythin has been pretty same to me except the fact that its been 4 days since i last got home and slept on my own bed and im fuckinly sleepy. four sleepless nights. four nights of talkin faggin shaggin and sheesha-ing really sucks me dry.

but yday, we had girlsnightout at nana's void deck. please imagine, me lin and nana. legs on the table and hands spread out. you noe those blue shiny sitting place? it can come in red or blue? the other where the apeks play chess? the round round one? under the block? usually located in front of the letterboxes? yes? yahh, THAT one. we sat there and talked girlfriend.like, at first, i wus supposed to meet gayahs and lin at town for dinner but it seems that gayah met her friends and so, lin came to meet me. decided to go home and see if we cud come out again so we went hm and went out again. decided to go to nana's place cuz just now she had kenduri so we tot of helpin. met lin at tamp at 10.45. i tell you, i wus damn slekeh. pls imagine again. rolled up pants and stripes 3/4 shirt. hurhurs. i looked cute ok. haha. but whatever. went to redhill and reached at 12am. screamed and screamed cuz of the lazy cockroaches that were cumin and suprisin us. haha. stole pringles from nana's place and binged. it wus like a depressin session thingy. like, everyone was sharin abt how kentang their nasib has been. abt min and lin, abt me and like ka-zillion things on my mind and abt nana and boboy's never endin story. like, OMG. i hart the both of them cuz with them, i can be crazy and still be sober when i hear the calling. so there. got to azhar's place and watched Cinta Luar Biasa AGAIN. haha,yah, i noe. after that, went back to nana's place. and of course, SLEEP.

life's been day-in-day-out like that. and fuck, i cant say that im sick of it cuz im enjoyin it but im itchin for sumthin new. sumthin that ive never done b4. im thinkin of backpacking to m'sia. oh farks, dzul just cancelled tmr's pasir gudang trip. we were supposed to see a race at pasir gudang. DAMN YOU. haiyohs. dah tak dpt nak naik motor u. haish. sampai hati u buat i gini. HAHA.actually we are not supposed to see a race. they booked the whole race track for THEM to race within themselves. hmm,prolly abt 20 riders? ylah, kiter org pompan jadik cheerleaders kots. aiyoh.but i think if we were to go tmr, it wud be fuckin farn. haha. like, ive never been to m'sia on a bike and i think im gonna hart the wind blowin against ma helmet. oh yah,i think i wanna ged myself my own helmet.i wanna design it myself. ohhh yah, me lin and nana bukak design baru. kiter namerkan kite, BULU SIKALS. hurhurs. that werd, got us larfin the WHHOOLE night. yah. bulu sikals.oklah, pple, its a joke. HAHAHA. ader ker patut zai suruh masuk Gadis Misteri. haiyoh. tak dpt sey nak kiter masuk. ylah, license pun blum dpt nak pk jauh2. ader contacts tu ader contacts boy, tapi PLS LAH. aiyoh ;

damn,the wind is strong and i think im gonna call dzul again.im fuckin bored.
toodles pple.

♥

did i EVER mention that sheesha wus or rather,is still and will always be my CURRENT FETISH?
haha.
i noe, ironic cuz how can sumthin was can always be CURRENT to me rite. hurhurs. aiyah, believe me, if i say it cans,it can.
so there.

♥

i tell you, im fuckinly bored.
im so bored,im countin the minutes nana's gonna be knockin on my door cuz she doesnt noe that my house has already haf a doorbell. haha. stupid girl. hope she comes soon. im soooo bored and she saes shes gonna tell me abt the thing gg on arnd lin. hehe. that girl oso. dunnoe where the hell is she. hurhurs. eh, guess what? i just realised i wrote abt the other day's cyclin trip twice. haha. i told u i wus a blockhead. hurhurs.

oh yah,ive applied for nursin at ITE SIMEI cuz i cant seem to log on onto the jae webbie thingy and after i log in, sumhow, my computer hangs. like,fark. i noe,tell me abt it. urghs. but i really dun mind ITE cuz after all im gonna go to poly after 2 years too. longer journey but i dun mind. hehe. and im excited to start school. the whole rush of bein able to wait for the bus early early in the mornin bcuz simei is not very near to my place just appeals to me now. hurhurs. but then again, it seems that it means my freedom wud be affected too. if i start school, no more late nights, no more every-week-die-die-must-go kinda clubbin.haha. i think nana wud be glad to hear that cumin from my mouth. but nonetheless, im gonna try to apply for the nyp nursing. everyone, please pray for me. really.at least just gimme a chance to ged INTO the webbie without any problems. puhlease. gawd.

oh yah, i saw keano already. haha. sah's puppy. i dunnoe whether its cute or its supposed to look like that. haha. it looks very sunken lah but to me, it looks sickly cute. cuz the colour like pale pink but its cute cuz it can pose. seriously sial. org pun kalah. nak tgk? u go down my blog. see WAY OUT? go find sah. den u click lah. hahah. cute nak mampos the way keano pose. oh yah sah, KEANO GIRL OR BOY? haha. but cute lah sial the name. keano beano. haha. den she keeps keano in a pretty pretty bag. a la paris hilton. haha. good luck wid ur pup,sah! remember, must wipe properly u noe. wait smell smell. haha. mwahs. one thing sah,i dun understand why u just ged urself a rabbit. its much much cuter and it can hop hop. hahha. seriously. ok fyne,its ur pet. haha. but u n keano looks good together lah;)

now now, wheres this blardy bitch.fark her fer bein late.where the hell is she. perhaps she got lost or sumthin. eyy,guess what.i dun haf smokes today. i dunnoe if she has it or not.haish. bad time all the time. damnit, i wus just frenster-hoppin again.yeah,i noe, again and i noticed that i saw alot of pics that has captions like "me&mybelovedEX" hurhurs. it seems that alot of us girls, cant forget our exes. i wanna confess sumthin; sumtymes i miss my ex too. like when ur fuckin down and when u close ur eyes, all u want to do is to hold him but when u open ur eyes, reality hits back at u and u noe hes urs no more. ouch,how that hurts. hurhrus. what to do? truth hurts like, all the time. so heck. a few daes ago fazly, msged nana and asked her whether she has got migraine pills. like, farks. right after that, i called him but i realised that it wus 2 in the mornin and he might be sleepin already. oh hoots. anyhow, i just felt that i needed to talk to him, to ask him hows he and everythin but luckily he didnt pick up cuz im afraid that he wud just hang up on me right after he hears my voice. like, men. haish. but im not gg back to him.over my dead body sial.

damnit. nana is just comin out of her house. like, OMG. i tot she wud be here like any minute already. but no, shes still at home prolly settin her eyebrows or sumthin. oh gawddamnit. im fuckinly hungry. money check, 12dollars. when the hell is he gonna return the monay. i want my mooonnnaaayyy. my phone and my CDs. puhlease.u took my hart and never return it and now, u dun wanna return my monay my phone and my cds? cum on, ged a fuckin life with a fuckin girl who wanna marry u readily lah k. oh no no, it shud be, ged a fuckin life with an older and more matured girl who cant wait to ged herself fucked. -beams-

haish. HIATUS.
whatever.

♥

i see US goin nowhere.
sumtymes i question myself whether what im feelin slash experiencin is true or issit just a facade.
sumtymes i lay awake at night with music on, the sound of my antique fan blarrin and i find tears flowin out of my eyes.
sumtymes i wunder if my soul is cryin.
sumtymes i wunder if my soul is dyin to let go and be freed.
sumtymes i wunder if he ever looks at the sky and see the same star that im admirin.
sumtymes i can just let go and resign to fate and gif a heck abt nothing.

i dunnoe. ive been feelin down lately. prolly bcuz of why alot of pple from my past are lookin for me. sumtymes its an amazement when the one ur not lookin for looks for you and the one ur lookin for just sits on you and seemed all unaffected at all.

i spoke to zaid and we cleared the air. frankly, i wus farkin pissed with the way he acted and stufs. we talked abt love and like and how both werds can never explain what we're feelin. we agreed that the term, like, is never enuff and the term,love, is just too strong. and when he asks whether im in love with him, i wus fuckinly scared cuz i noe that im not feelin love with him. and true enuff, he answered it himself. but then again,i dun wish and certainly dun expect anythin from him cuz i dun wanna spoil the friendship. i still wanna talk to him like usual and be open abt anythin. i just hope, i wud ged over that night soon. its hard for me but ill try.i promise.

yday, we went nightcyclin. this time lin came with us.it wus a damn farny trip tau. cuz i only had 2 bikes, we had to ged another one from nyanyi's place and so, we were happily pushin our bikes when lin suggested that i tumpang her. hurhurs. i didnt think that it wud be a farkin mistake. abt 100m from the slope, we fell. and puhlease guess where we fell? the road opp blk1. the block where the nice-lookin pple lepak-ed and the block where a piece of my past was. like, farks. we were totally actin so minah-ish. like, omg. gigglin and everythin. i seriously wanted to slap myself. hurhurs. den we got the bikes and lin had difficulty adaptin to the ht of the bike cuz its the pro-cycle bike and its the bike where u haf to really really bend ur body to the bikebody. and she hit afew electric boxes and of course, fell hella loads of times.but it wus all great cuz we cycled all the way from hougang to east coast. HAHA. yes, i noe. pat me pls. teehee ;)

b4 the whole cyclin thing, we went to cpf buildin to reset our singpass. seems that we werent into the edu system at all. like, HELLO mr president! how cum we're not in huh? aiyoh. we had to queue for 4hrs just to MEET the computer lady(the one doin the pass) and it just took us barely 5mins to reset our pass. like,omg. yes, next time osama wanna bomb spore, pls spare yishun mrt and come to cpf buildin. pls. oh wells, but we saw loads of apek2 and wak2 lah. i think they are fuckin rich and they were there to collect their cpf or sumthin. yumyum. rich old men. haha, i loike sial. after that, we ate at ljs and met fai. omg, hes cute. realli boyish cute i tell you.but hes 20.
after our brunch plus early dinner at ljs, went to lin's plc in attempt to save her comp from death. haha. but it wus rather late and i think fai had to do it another day. after the whole commotion thingy, rushed hm and went cyclin.

like, omg. i want him. i want him bad. im not confident enough to expose him on my blog. im not ready to let the werld noe who he is. but to all, hes a nice guy and im fallin for him.
there, i saed it. the way he asks for me melts my hart. the way he comforts me calms my heart. the way he talk make my heart beat one to a hundred. but what if its just one-sided. what if he treats me like his younger sister. what if all he wanna do is grab me by my neck and nuzzle his chin on my head,sister-brother style? hurhrus. i dunnoe. onli He noes i guess. the Al-mighty,the Great One.

even if all things go wrong in my life, i still haf one reason to smile.
that is, i feel blessed that God is cradling me.
Amin yarabbilallamin.

♥

fuckin pissed.
damn fuckin pissed.
his ignorance is seriously gettin into me.
hope u burn in hell,boy.
seriously.
whatever.
i dun care if ur fuckin cute or we haf made out.
whatever.

went nightcycling again ydae. hurhurs. this time lin wus with us. it wus farny the moment we rode on our bike at my lobby. like, omg. bcuz we only had 2 bikes at first, we had to ged another one at my granny's place and so, it wus a looooonnnnggg walk from my place to hers and lin wus fuckin lazy and asked me to cycle while she sits. and i, bein the blockhead, agreed. fuck,it wus a mistake.a fuckin mistake. like 100m after we sped off, we fell off the road. bcuz why, we were larfin and larfin and cudnt stop larfin. yah, tell me abt it. we made a fool out of ourselves in front of THEM. u noe the pple who always lepak at blk 1? the nice-lookin pple? hurhurs. yeah, THEM.-rolleyes-

den frm my granny's place, we cycled all the way to hougang where we met bob&co. hurhurs. after that,i got to noe that, that bubble-near-to-explode guy wanted to ged to noe me. like, omg. like farks sial. hurhurs. whatever lah erks. lain yg aku nak, lain yg aku dpt. hurhurs. aku nak yg si dier.-points- yg tuuuuu lah.ah ah, left sikit.tak tak, right sikit.ahhhhhhh,nampak? haha.yg sweet giler punye. yg omg. i tell you. haha, met him for like 30mins ydae. and i felt like huggin him sial. seriously. did a stupid thing. go roundin dgn cbr dier pat carpark. i mean, ive never ridden on a bike like his. it wus fuckin smooth. bkn mcm kr or tzm nye. kaooo. it wus fuckin better. alah, of course lah, cbr1100 babe. huhurs. tu kalau tak smooth tak tau ckp aper plak kan. but nice sial his bike. really fuckin nice. and i cant wait for pasir gudang's trip.

damn. i wanna log off. i feel like cryin..

♥

i feel so gawddamnit used.
he msged me with all the nohardfeelins crap.
yah, no hard feelins lah tapi i still feel used kan.
the fuckin feelins are still there.
what happened to what u saed?
yahlah,i maebe high but i still remembered.
farks lah.
i dunnoe.
just tell me that what u saed are just flyin phrases that u used to every other girl and ill just swallow it.
seriously.
cuz if u saed that, den ill noe its YOU and NOT ME.
urghs.
just whats my fuckin problem. i dun think im startin to haf feelins for him.
i dun think so. i mean,after one night and i start to like him? thats CRAP kan.
pfft. so there, what the hell is fuckin wrong with me.

sumone,just slit my throat or sumthin.pfft. im fuckin pissed and all he can sae is NO HARD FEELINS?
urghs. MEN. MEN. MEN.
whatever lah k.
ive hd enuff of bein used, feelin used and whatever used yg sewaktu dgnnye.
just, WHATEVER.
i dun think that i wanna talk to him too.
just stash that idea. haish.

meetin lin and nana later. we're still indecisive of whether to haf sleepover party at lin's or nightcycling. both sounds temptin and both sounds farn.nana is a girlfriend that ill never forget and fuck, shes always there wen i do sumthin stupid or we're always in stupid situations together. believe it or not. haha. lin is also another girlfriend whom i hart. we're gettin closer by the days and im happy for this relationship. haha.

ok,i think i better go. meetin em at 2.

toodles yall.mwahs.

♥

hurhurs.
got my results,not very happy with my results,wanna re-take english.
that's ALL i wanna talk abt abt my results.
that explains everythin,huh?

oh wells, whats done is done. and i wanna mooove and grrrooove on. while nana and lin are excitedly askin pple to join em in east college, im fuckinly excited abt startin school whether be it joinin nana and lin in east college or just in sum poly. hurhurs. im suddenly so excited abt lecture rooms, tutorials, projects,meetin new friends,gettin allowances all over again and just eatin cafeteria food. i noe, call me eccentric but really, im fuckin excited. and i dun care if i hafta wear those white nurse-lookin uniform and those black court shoes. im fuckinly ready to study again.seriously, if u ask me to choose between werk and school,i choose the latter. i dun care if i can ged fast monay but the whole idea of me sittin in a REAL classroom slash lecture room just turns me on. and i dun fuckin care if pple saed i did badly for my Os cuz i knew i did my best at that time and im fuckin mooovinn on. hurhurs. yah, pple who noe me personally might even agree that i din study. oh yes,i didnt. got problem with that? haha. no, so now, im just sufferin or rather acceptin the results cuz that are the results of me not studyin or rather, not puttin in ALOT of effort in my studies. but oh wells, i wanna mooove on.

life have been fuckin stagnant now. with me stayin at home with nothing to do,practically. so, i cant wait to move on. hurhurs. dzul comforted me just now and im glad he did. he even saed that he wud bring me to JB on his bike. wooooohhooo! im a happy girl, already. sumtymes, i just need sumone to comfort me,sumone to just ask me how i am and really mean it. i just need sumone to be there for me and if the person can stay all thru my life, i would be more than blessed. but unfortunately, that kind of pple dun usually stay long in my life. these type of pple, they come, they go. hmm,for now, im just enjoyin my friend's company. they noe i loved them and i noe they loved me too. so there. everythin is just a-ok i guess cuz one cant be too demandin in life,huhs? hurhurs.

okie, so tmr im gonna go to sum whatever-the-name buildin and apply for my singpass and prolly ask them whats the date of issue on my ic. ohkie, call me the blockhead.but i lost my fuckin ic since like, 2 yrs ago and im too broke and too lazy to apply for a new one. hurhurs.good excuse? thank you very the muchos.

today wus the results day and i met syasya and ira after like dunnoe how many months of not talkin to each other. sumtymes, when shit happens, ur just too caught up with everythin else and u forget ur friends. but im glad im still talkin to them again. hurhurs. even though we might haf our differences and disputes, i still noe i can depend on them and they are my friends. so there. went to far east to eat and saw wendy. yes, the tequila girl from queens. shes soooo hawt. and shes chinese. okie, call me racist. but seriously, i dun see many pretty AND sexy lookin chinese girls around and not all of them are my friends. so, im just glad im friends with her. hurhurs. and yes, chris too . shes soooo hawt. she dresses and looks like a malay and i think its only a race misconception thats shes chinese. shes HAWT. haha. now wheres min when i need him. urghs. i just wish he didnt post my pic which he claims will put me to shame on friendster. i wish. please min,DUN do this to me. whatever that i did, it wus a spur of the high-ness and prolly i wus just a drunk stupor. ouh,please.

im glad cuz tonite, im goin dinner with daddy mommy and sis. hurhurs. sooooo happy. its been a long time since we had dinner outside. thank god, everythin is alrite. mwahs.

i think i wanna log off already. i wanna put the cakey-shu uemura-clinique thingy on my face. haha.
in simple talkin, i wanna get ready and put makeup lah.
haiyoh.

takecare pple.
i lorve yalls.