♥ its the monday blues.

mommy was mad at me cuz i haven been a good girl.
URGHS.
you noe how i hate doin CHORES cuz it BORES me.
see? IT RHYMES YOU SEE :))

i had a weird dream which i cant remember. and i noe its weird bcuz when i woke up, i was faced with the same question again. the question that got my head confused and the question that made me cry.
i felt like kissin him whilst we were sittin by the river talkin ydae. it felt just right to plant a kiss on him right there and then and leave him all confused. HAISH. but too bad, i just wasnt brave enough. cant deny that things btwn me and him are not gg any better cuz we are like caught in this fit where i noe he loves me but still, when we talk, we always hurt each other. and frankly, its really emotionally drainin. yar, like he mentioned, i missed those times when we shared an intimate moment together or when we just cuddled and talk. hais,WE. -shrugs-
BUT i knew i lost it when he saed those hurtin words where he just didnt haf confidence in the relationship anymore. i knew i lost it right there and then when he saed that its better that we go on our separate ways; i live mine, he lives his. wat else could i have done but cry?yes,the normal emotional basketcase that i am.i mean , heck , i was putting myself on the line for him.he was almost perfect.he had qualities only i looked for in a guy.he was eloquent.he was sweet.he wasnt tall but i closed one eye and just smiled. but imptly,he was everything i thought i wanted and ive already set my heart on him. BUT he chose to go.from that moment on i wished the walls would have just crumbled on me and killed me instantly. and it hurt me more cause i knew we cud really make sumthin out of nothing and that he just wanted to gif up on me. THAT, ill never forget,HIM GIVING UP ON ME. i still tear when he talks about it. and how he saes he still loves me, just blows me away.
but i dunnoe whether the love he gifs wud be returned again. i dunnoe, aidil. really. im sittin on the fence and its hard for me to differentiate btwn infatuation and love. maebe what im feelin for him is infatuation and what im feelin for u is love. maebe what im feelin for him is love and for you, infatuation. cuz, i dunnoe aidil. seriously. thats how im sittin on the fence. i dunno anythin and im just goin along. if u wan me to go right, ill go. cuz i dunno where im goin or where am i headin. life like this is a maze to me.

pfft.

♥ fuckwittage lah ok.

before the 3rd of june, i haf like kazillion things to do.
procrastination has got the better of me and even though i noe that procrastination is bad, well, i cant help it lah ok.
but its givin me the jitters already. hopefully, i do everythin b4 the third.
insyaallah :))

had an all-girls sleepover yday over at nana's. and given her current situation, she always feels tired, lerthagic and sleepy and all she ever wanna do is sleep, sleep and sleep. oh man, how boring. but u cant blame her lah aites. so its was down to only me and lin entertainin ourselves. it was quite alright cuz we didnt feel like bein happy so we decided to be sober and depressed and all sad. even when afie and jo came. hehs. sorry guys for the inhospitality but i just felt like keepin shut and bein arrogant, can?! HAHA. oh wells.

hmmm, msged aidil on msn but he didnt reply. perhaps it wasnt him. or he just doesnt wanna talk. but hells lah ok. i seriously dunnoe what he expect me to do. does he really expect me to wait and watch him? like totally, do that? FARKS lah ok. you are the one who loses ur confidence in our relationship and you are the one who decide to give up just when you thought i was gonna leave you for a guy whom you thought i idolise. well, you THOUGHT wrong and now, it isnt right already. haish. this is all happenin again and i hate it.

how come it seems that cupid isnt shootin love arrows this mth?
HELLO MISS CUPID, CAN SHOOT ME SOME ARROWS? I CAN MAKE DO WITH SOME LOVIN HERE. - waves-

oh man. and waitin for that bugger to call seems eternity and i THOUGHT he wanted to send me some pizzas. hmmmmm. oh wells. i am sleepy and im gonna sleep liaos.
nitey nitey people.

love, ana.

♥ french-manicured nails.

"french-manicured nails.
permed hair done at Tony's.
waxed legs done at HollywoodSecrets. "

life is good, yehs?!

love,
ana.

♥

Dana is such a darling.
now, her eyes are fuckin big and she is able to climb slowly though wobbly. sumtimes when i see her crawl, i feel like cryin cuz i wudnt noe what wud happen to her if i didnt pick her up cuz she is just so fragile and so vulnerable and yar, weak. but fret not, she will be strong in weeks to come cuz shes my baby girl :)) I LOVE DANA. alot.

and oh people, i wud be leavin for Sri Lanka in exactly ONE WEEK. meanin, NEXT FRIDAY.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. excited nye. and please remind me that I hafta attend next week's YEP to settle the balance payment. duit lagik kuar~ HAI. lamer lamer kering jgak bank aku ni. but im fuckin grateful that second-timers haf ta pay only 500. usually it wud be 1200 for second and third timers. but alhamdulillah. alah, im just excited lah. to ged out of spore,basically. so many things are happenin and sumhow, i feel helpless about things around me. and you noe i HATE feeling helpless.

ya allah ya tuhanku, please guide me and my friends thru this. PLEASE.

tried callin aidil but it seems that the hp is off. prolly there isnt any reception over at his camp. OH MAN. i miss talkin to him. hopefully things are workin out btwn him and that Bila girl. i forgot her name lah ok. but i think her name ends with bila or ila or sumthin like that. hopefully lah since he tells me very very very nice stufs about her. -rolleyes- fine. ill drop the case cuz im feelin pissed.

hmm, i think im turnin into a temperamental bitch lah ok. i flare at the slightest things and i ged irritated sooooo very easily and i hate it when i do not haf control over myself. urghs. i ged angry and become all sensitive, even i am disgusting myself. THIS IS BAD. i feel bad for always ventin my frustrations on joe like, ill always take it out on him and i feel bad. cuz i noe he doesnt deserve any of things i say or do to him. hmmm, hes just so right lah ok. he tries to make me happy and farks, he comes all the way from jurong just to pass me a packet of rice cuz i told him i was hungry in the middle of the night. like, aaawww. and yar, how he constantly asks about Dana and how he is genuinely interested to know. i like that on a guy. it shows sumthin i guess. and im lovin him more than anythin else now. even though we are not together and i noe for a fact that he could easily find another girl better-lookin than me to justify his looks, i secretly wish that hes all mine though. teeheee. SHAME ON YOU,ANA. but i noe that things are gg well now too. so i wudnt wanna break that. so, i think ill settle for that. hehs. :))

lin is bunkin over at my place for a few days. she is still sleepin so i guess i haf ta be MISTER CHEF now. we were gonna haf our own version of Big Breakfast yday but we were just too lazy to ged our ass OUT of bed. hmmm. this is soooooo LIN&ANA. hehs. okie fine.

im gonna ged out of this chair and cook. if not. lin wud think that im a lousy host. but im a good one. so yar.
BYE.

♥ the loves of my life.//

hehs.
guess what?
I AM NOW A PROUD GODMOM.

YESSA. nana's sister brought another light into the world. and OF COURSE, WE (you noe us!) ARE GONNA VISIT HER TODAY. HAHA. HAHA. AND of course, goin into a hospital ward means that i CANNOT BRING DANA TO MEET HER FELLA BROTHA.
SOOO, BOOOOOOOO.

but hells lah ok. im missin joe like farks. seriously. and i declare that i am the most most most stupidest bitch when it comes to electronics. like, seriously. im too lazy to tell yall why. perhaps sum other time :))

as for now, im gonna indulge myself into GOOD HOME COOKING.
yeys!

see ya people.

♥ MYDADISAFUCKINBITCH//.

people people people. HEEEELLLLPPPPPPPPPP.
he has locked me IN the house for yet another time and im hatin the way he does things lah ok.
i haven started school yet and of course, he isnt helpin me financially at all. and it suxs really bad cuz im fuckin broke since im not workin anymore and daddy is complainin that i use too much money. but HELLO DADDYDEAREST, if u haven noticed yet,its been a LONG LONG time since i last shopped and did u really see me geddin any silver or new clothes? URGHS. this is bad lah ok. he is complainin yet DIER yg tak bagi keje. BODOH. abeh nak complain. HAIS. i just need to get away from all this lah ok- SRI LANKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa.

and MOMMY is supposed to be back from KL ydae but she is still not home yet. HMM. im bored and im sooo proud of myself cuz i slept for 4hrs just now and since daddy doesnt allow me to go out in the afternoon, ill be out when the sun doesnt shine and when everyone is at home. HAHS. dunnoe why he just cant let me do my own stufs. hes always breathin down my neck and i hate it to bits. farks, hes my dad. but that doesnt allow him to poke his nose into any of my issues. i still haf the rights to fight for my privacy. its only right that he gives me space cuz well, theotically, I AM A GROWIN GIRL. so of course i need my space! pfft.

ON TOP OF THAT, he has to do sumthin to the phone line. me bein a dickhead ding dong at such stufs cant do anythin about it and i cant call anyone to rant and rant and rant and rant. this is soooo frustratin. i was soooo tempted to call joe cuz he will listen to me rant rant and rant til i rant no more. hes such a darling lah ok. and yar, itchin to call nana and lin too cuz nana is supposed to go for her referral doc or sumthin and i agreed to accompany her todae but my daddy dearest has to be a fuckin irritatin bitch. i noe, he doesnt want me out cuz hes scared that stufs mite happen to me but farks lah ok, LU SALAH CARA LAH AJAR ANAK. urghs. even though i am not/never/willneverbe a physics student, i do know of a basic law of physics that best describe the state of restlessness that i am in,
" the more a particle is confined, the faster it will move around."

see? even Mr Confucius agrees with me lah ok. i hate it when people confine me into specific spaces and me bein claustrophobic makes it all even worst. blearghs. THIS IS BAD.

and rossy is takin his own sweet time doin i-dunno-what when he NOES that i haf questions to ask him about Dana. and for all dickheads ding dong chong ching who doesnt know yet,
DANA IS MY BABY KITTEN LAH OK. and yar, ive got loads to ask him but hes just bein an asshole. either that or i am turnin into an impatient pain in the neck ass. HAISH. again, everyone, THIS IS BAD. and yar, im becumin fuckin vulgar, thanks to mommy dear.
I LOVE YOU MOMMYYYYYYY.
"Mana dimana bonda dimana berada,
kau menjelmalah, kau menjelmalah di depan mata."

love,
ur daughter.

♥

i dun think you knew i mouthed the three words after u turned your back on me.
i dun think you knew how much i was willing to gif up just for you.
i dun think you knew how happy i feel when u tell me that u are happy.
i dun think you knew how much it means to me when u held my hands.
i dun think you knew how hurt i am when u just didnt feel good about us anymore.

oh wells, i dun think you knew me at all.
and i am in no position to do anythin cuz i noe i was the one who screwed US.
haish.
dun worry, i will still smile.
i can stil fake a smile, so dun u worry.
:)) see?

♥ hmm.`

hes the sweetest.
:))

him: siang alik? kater tak alik ?
her: siang? skrg kul 11 tau. org alik lambat bising, alik siang pun bising.
him: takde lah.cam pelik. niari jadik good girl kots? HAHa. hmm,u dah mamam?
her: i ate lunch lah. but i haven ate dinner yet. fuckin hungry sey.
him: asal tak makan sey? kesian nyeee.
her: aper yg nak kesiankan.aper jekk you ni.
him: haha, oklah. kiter gi kallang bahru makan sup tulang. amaciam?
her: U GILER? i aru alik. and money check, dua dollar SAHAJA.
him: hmmm, kalau gitu u wait for me lah. i come. we eat nasi lemak.
her: nasi lemak? middle of the nite? WHERE SIAL.
him: nolah, pat daerah umah i ader kedai 24hrs. i buy den i go there den we eat together lah.
her: huh? dari boon lay u nak dtg? u siao erk.
him: tak siao. ok per. tapi biar i tgk cite a beautiful mind dulu erk. den i come. ok?
her: lahhhh. aper sey. dah mlm sey u.
him: jgn bynk sogeh. i come ok?
her: suke hati u lah.
him: hehe. ok, bye. see you.

AHHHHHHHHHHH. SAYANGNYE AKU!!!!!!!
MWAHS.
now, we are one big(ok,not so big) happy family.
ME, YOU & DANA.

WOAH.
MWAHS.

♥ it feels good to be a mom.

ive got news people.
and its gonna shock the living daylights out of everyone.
but then again,

I AM A PROUD MOM!

i am soooooooooo excited really. ive decided to name her, Dana. a combi of his nickname and myne. and it sounds perfect. and im beginnin to love her cuz shes sooo small and all she does is, sleep. and of course, with the constant whinin for milk when she geds up. hehs. but other than that, shes a DARLING. i LOVE her. pics will be up soon lah ok. hehe.

momma me,
ana.

♥ you noe.

oh yar,
i just notice that Vonzell was voted out of Idols.
LIKE HELLO BIG HUGE AHMERIKAH, WHAT U ALL THINKIN HUHS?!
wah sey. u chose carrie-the-small-pussy-tryna-be-a-tiger-girl over VONZELL THE DIVA?
-slapshead-
whatever lah ok.
it is just not fair.
just bcuz ruben and fantasia were made idols and they are black. but FACE IT, blacks sing BETTER lah ok :)) and thats why i love them so. they are mutli-talented i say.
ok,nuff.

went Qz. i say, clubbin doesnt give me the hoots already. its soo mundane now. the tot of dancin til you drawp is a complete NONO. like, farks. and if i wanna go again, i wud prolly wait for like 2 mths. cuz seriously, it just doesnt give me the vibes. i feel SLEEPY listenin to ROLLING BY LIMPBISKIT. like, thats how bad it is lah ok. yar, perhaps, when im off legal meat, i can go to other clubs and prolly the feelin wud cum back but now, NO THANKS ERK. hehs.

ohh. guess what? just now, i dreamt that i was riding a GOLD rusty VESPA. yESSsaa. dreams do come true you noe. hurhurs. sooooo cool rite. i noe~ and im so fuckin excited. hehe. ok,im actualli damn damn sleepy. and i think i wanna go back to sleep cuz
TONITE PEOPLE,
IVE GOT A DATE.
-jumpsaround-
YYYYAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY.

and yar, people who call me and nana our friends, please pray that we wud be alrite.
thanks alot.
insya-allah, everythins gonna be fine.

nana, ill be there for you no matter what. so dun you worry, you are not goin thru this alone. i am not lettin you go thru this alone,aites. MWAHS. i love you manymany. MWAHS.

love,
ana,=]*

♥ minah m'sia.=]*

i was bloghoppin and i pounced upon this blog.
the owner, wanymelle,eighteen,startin college, msian.
hehe.
found it damn interestin so went on to read her entries.
and i think im sooo tempted to talk like her.
hmmm. ok, im gonna try. ok?

tadi aku ngan joe bbual pat tepon. kiter talk long long tau. pastu dier ajak aku gi,
DBL-O!! eeeeeeee,seronok nye. aku tak boleh tunggu. macam maner erk agak nye tempat dier. min ngan dillah pernah kater yang tempat tu gerek. tapi kan, masalah nye sekarang, aku belum lapan belas lah. bouncer dekat tempat tu semak ID kiter tak? tulah yang aku risaukan. joe nak pergi dgn kawan kawan dier. dan kengkawan dier maklumlah, dah tua bangke. aku sorang agaknya yang bawah umur. hees. aku tengok dulu lah cam maner. tak confirm yer, bang?

HAHAHHAHA. wells, people, i dun like how i sound.
-shakeshead-
but farks lah ok, I TRIED MALAY SIAL. and obviously, i failed miserably.
haha.
wooooooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeee.

♥ i tot we were.

i tot we were supposed to be friends.
and friends are supposed to be friendly with each other.
but how come he rejects my calls?
hmm,prolly he doesnt wanna be my friend anymore.
hehs.
ok then. suke hati kau lah,nak. dah besar pun.
-smiles-

oh i forgot to add in my prev entry that me and joe saw a shootin star together. and its not like the normal shootin star where u just see one dot of light flyin across the sky. instead we saw this really bigger than normal shootin star flyin and it sorta sparkles at the end of it. omg, i tell you. it was the most excitin thing to be on sum high place and to be able to witness that with him, like, WOAH. u cant blame me. im such a sucker for all things sweet and romantic. candlelight dinners, walks in parks and stars, COME TO MOMMA. hurs.

and tonite, i just met the MOST dangerous doctor ever. her name, Dr Lin. sounds normal huh? hmmm,not quite actualli. she talks farny and she walks farny. the way she pronounce injections is like, ink-jet-ton. like, which university does she come from sial. and yar, thats NOT all. i was supposed to haf my tetanus and tyhoid jabs and i wasnt really ready for it but guess what, when she came to me with the needles, i stood up bcuz i wasnt ready, she just poke it into my arm while I WAS STANDIN. -stares- how like that?! i seriously dunnoe whether to larf or to cry cuz it hurts damn bad and i think it hurts more bcuz i wasnt calm enuf to haf that jab. and she merely POKE it in me. and she tried to coax me with this sentence," dun scared ahhh girl.Dr Lin is here with you." WAH SEY. try harder lah beb. ishk. stuuuupid. BODOH.

and then went sembawang to ged back mom's backpack from auntie and when to eat at bilal's at sembawang for dinner. i tell you, DONT go there. seriously. the serving is soooooooo effin small and its seriously NOT enuff. and they charge three dollars and fifty cents for a plate of fried rice. cheat mother, cheat father sial. -sulks-

eyy, you noe sumtymes u cant help but wunder what wrong haf you done in life and still after eons of soul-searchin, you still cant find any fault in the life u leadin? hmm, sumhow, its relevant to me now. i sit back and reflect on my mistakes to really see if what ive done IS really wrong as what others tell me. or rather, what they preach. and sad to say, i dun see bad choices in my life. cuz i noe when i make a decision, i noe i WILL hafta live with it whether i like or not and if ever i dun like it, i always promise myself that i CANT regret cuz its a decision that I make and not sumone else's. so, i love doin what i do and i do things whic i think is right. alot of people haf come into my life and offered me another key to another door whic THEY think is better than my rusty key, but NO THANKS. i haf mine and ill stick to it. similarly, i make my own decisions and i live wit it. cuz i noe i came into this world alone and im gonna go alone too. i dun owe anyone a livin and people dun owe me a living. u are who you are and i am who i am. you live ur life, i live my life, the life i want.

simply, u dun go round' stickin ur nose into my affairs cuz nothin happenin to me is of any concern to you,seriously. i dun hear myself talkin about you 24/7/365 and i dun see why u shud too. i aint a princess and i dun deserve star treatment.
i dun deserve ur muchmuch unwanted attention that im geddin cz I DUN LIKE IT AT ALL. i and you are nothing. zilch, baby. zero lah dey. aku jek yang mulut sial. aku jek yang jahat. kau kan baik, lawa and everythin sewaktu dgnnye lah. UR EVERYTHIN, rite? and im just this simple-lookin girl with simple needs. sapelah aku nak compare pat kau?! yar, guys leave me cuz they think im too fat for them. yes, they leave me for you cuz ur a SEX goddess and u make them weak in their kness that they are literally kneelin for you. KAN?! SEMUER KAU.

but on top of me bein made a jinx, u are still unhappy with me? hehs. be content with ur life lah ok. and no need for that stupid+childish email to warn me off lah ok. i haf no idea what ur talkin about or who the hell is shakir and fitri and another 2 guys that u mentioned. i noe who i hang out with and NONE of them has any of the names u mentioned. u seem to know me quite well and seriously, im fuckin flattered that im that interesting. soo interestin that u did research on me. on where i stay or which school did i attend when i was seven. and you even checked to see if i was braggin about schools which i haf attended. like, WOAH. tidak ku sangke. thanks lah erk. and the only reason why i wanted to reply you here cuz i want all my friends to see what a loser you are. hehs. are u bein a coward or sumthin? or maebe you are cuz wassup with the signed-off, "love, anonymous." HAHA. stupid. go fark spider lah ok. are you fun-deprived or sumthin? hurhurs. whatever girl/boy/whatever you are. dun make my life difficult cuz theres always,
K A R M A.

THANKS ERKS :)))

♥ the no-strings-attached affair.

i skipped the world bank forum thingy and jared called me, soundin very very disappointed. hmm, please lah ok. i wud be there next week. fret not :))

yday was a whirlwind cuz it started with me meetin nana at supposedly nine in town but guess what, i came at 9.45 and upon my arrival, she showed me the middle finger and mouthed the word, ASSHOLE. haha. soooooooo me. i dunnoe lah ok. last time the very very last time, i am ALWAYS the punctual one and SHE was the late one. so i always showed her the middle finger and mouthed the word, ASSHOLE. so i guess, its my turn now. hurs, KARMA lah beb. oh wells.

went cineleisure to look for dan cuz its been ages since i last saw him and like, POOOH, there he was still the same old dan as he wud say. =]* and then taro came. looked different to me i guess. missed those times where we wud go riding. taro wud lead,followed by me, nana and then boy at the back. I LOIKE. soooo, BILER MAU RIDING AGIK??!!! hehs. and then, after that went bk eatin house. hurs. ate my dinner at last and den azrul came. krekre. and then the whole drama came. lin went off with gayah to i-dunno-where and azrul came to me lookin like a lost puppy as if he lost his owner. hehs. and then, called gayah and found out that lin wus fuckin high and of course she didnt want azrul to noe. HAISH. like, farks i tell you. got at BBs and already found them shoutin and screamin at each other. im really sick of this.

like, sick of relationships and commitments. like, the whole shoutin and screamin and the insecurities thingy just geds to me as if i was just back on hiatus. like, woah. its too much for me to handle now. and i see couples whether wedded or not screamin their lungs out to each other or hitting each other and it gives me the shivers cuz of how i used to haf a past like that. and NEVER am i gonna relive that scenario ::((
i swear upon God that if any man hits me again, i wud kill him. seriously.i hate it when guys hit girls. they hit at ALL the unimaginable places and they hurt alot. and of course, lookin at how azrul and lin argued, a part of me am just afraid that he might hurt her. haish. -shakeshead- and of course, i wudnt wan my girls to go thru what ive went thru cuz it was hell. so much love sacrificied. so much for 3yrs of relationship down the drain,imp says. HAHA. think abt how u were lah. STUPID BOY. that bugger is now in tekong and boy, am i glad. the army bedda put sum sense into him and hopefully, he changes or sumthin. haiyah, but ironically, the leopard never changes its spots. NEVER.

oh guess what?! SAH SAYS SHE IS FAT. -stares- like, how FAT can she ged lah ok. pple,wanna see her pics, go to the left, search for SARAH. thats her. and then look at her pics and do me a favour and convince her that shes NOT fat. i dun understand this girl. and she wanna dance in her room at like for god's noe what time, just to, suprisesuprise, LOSE WEIGHT. blearghs.

im accompanyin nana to the doc's today. hopefully everythin is well. insya-allah.
im effin hungry too cuz my tummy's growlin like a storm and im tooo lazy to cook but im HUNGRY.
urghs.

oh wels.
<3.

♥ HOOHOO.

okie.
torn btwn world bank forum or girls night out or relatively known as girlsgangbang,GGB.
world bank forum is sumthin i liek to attend cuz it reeks of the Arts. like drama & theatre, whic ive always liked to do since forever. it starts at seven and jared had already reminded me to attend at last mon's expedition meeting. hehs. i dunnoe. i dunnoe.

and my miss rena rau rou hui had to choose her pic with my untidy table behind her and remind me of what a horrendous person i am when it comes to tidyness and room cleanliness. blearghs. this is sooo bard. like bard. u pronounce it as u see it. like u say bar with a D behind. go,try. hehs. okie. =]*

hmm, wrote joe the lyrics of belaian jiwa so that he wun forget or tumble on his words. and a couple of sweetlilnothings on that piece of paper which he keep in suprisesuprise, HP POUCH. hah, sungguh tak romantic. -rolleyes- but whatever boy. as long as ur happy and u noe you dun lose it by keepin it there, ill be more than happy. hurhurs. anyways, called aidil ydae and we talked for alil while. it hurts me to talk to him that way cuz oh nvm. it just hurts. and after i put down the fone on him, i wish things are goin fine on his part. or at least he is doin better than he is cuz i noe i am not really coping well without his constant presence. ohh wells. i haf ta ged over it i guess.

guess what? nana called me up at one this afternoon just to ask if i was awake. like, for blardy what farks you ask when u KNOW uve already woke me up by callin cuz u noe how Alcom fones ring cuz u haf it urself, it rings like SHIT cuz it rings LOUD. -rolleyes- hells, and when u do that, u noe, uve just woke me up in my less-than-5-hrs-sleep regime and of course i wud whine. what you expect. HAIYOH.

sum pple just dun ged it like how men dun ged women AT ALL.
-lady's black card.
wooohoooo. i loike.
<3 <3 CCs.

the materialistic me,
"ana" kournikova wannabe :))

♥ hehs.

girlfriends are non-replaceable, i say.

lin&nana,
i want you guys to know that i love the both of you despite you all knowin it already cuz its at the tips of ur fingernails cuz i tell you guys that every single day. so, there.

and today, coincidentally, they went across the causeway WITHOUT me. nana on a bike and lin on a bus. hehs. farny people they are. yes, they left ME in spore,at home to be precise, ROTTING. but nevermind, you noe i can entertain myself. hurhurs.

okie, so ive just changed my skin. how issit? i think i like it alot better cuz theres my pic!
OMG.OMG. you noe, i was beyond elation when chinghui finally put that thing on my blog and i was even happier when i saw my OWN face on my blog.
like hello people, its the WORLDWIDEWEB. -stares-
hehs. im sure zaid wud be very very pleased to see that pic of myne cuz i think thats his fav. pic. cuz yar, it makes me look even more slenge-ier. oklah, fyne, whatever.

had farn ydae with joe lin and azrul. despite the fact that azrul had a relapse but fret not, everythin was alrite. boy, i was glad. joe was bein sucha sweet wet lil bitch and of course, i like it. its like, i just like the thing gg on between us. i like his innocence and the way he talks and unconsciously, it makes me larf. he is a walkin comic book i say. u dun hafta ask him to talk. its like around him. this farny aura that u ged that seriously tickle ur lungs when u see him talk,for example. how his eyes lights up and his brows suddenly arches when he doesnt agree. hehs.
and how we sing our lungs out on his 125Z like in the middle of the road and act all pasrah and emo-ish. how Belaian Jiwa became our theme song bcuz he likes the way lin sings it cuz he tot it was farny and how he tumbles on the lyrics and asked me to repeat the first verse all over again until he finally got it right. see the irony? hehs.
suprisingly,even though i spend my days with him now, he noes a part of me is still hangin onto a scenario where aidil wud gif me another chance and how things can slash may work out sumhow. wells, fat hope. i just need time to ged over it. and i noe i can. yar,if i say i can, i can.

eh guess what? i just got to know that i won Best for Mother Tongue for my Os and farks, i didnt attend the prize-givin ceremony cuz i woke up at 4 that afternoon when i noe the ceremony starts at 3. i find it a huge joke bcuz NEVER in my life, i won a prize for mother tongue cuz i suck at it. like, totally puke puke yuck yuck. urghs. my malay is like william hung singin that hotel california song. figure the methaphor lah aite. and i am seriously worried abt my english too cuz with constant textin and bloggin, it means that my english has successfully been downgraded due to all shortcuts and whatnots. see what i mean? hehs.

oh wells. i wanna log off now.
mwahs.
i love yall.
ALOT ALOT. ALOT ALOT.

♥ quits.

hehs.
i find it so pathetic that first, i find myself totally lustin over my secret friendship affair with him and then, i decided to play the honest one and tell my i-noe-i-love-him-bt-its-nt-enuff bf all abt that secret affair and then,poobaaaboom, the whole i-love-you-you-love-me-attached-to-each-other drama jus crumbles right into my face. hehs. and yar, i AM to blame for this shit for i felt the things i felt for another man. yes, i AM the slut. the whore. pfft.

so we are over. just when i wanted to really ditch my secret friendship affair friend and really concentrate on sumone who i haf a relationship with, he just had to say those words. those hurtin words that he had no confidence in the relationship already and that equals to NO CONFIDENCE IN ME. blearghs. its hurtin to realise that just as i wanted to prove him wrong and make things work, i am not given a chance. but i guess, its all for the better, to me or rather, especially to him. haish.

people who are itchin for sum washy entry, i will scratch for you now.

aidil,
i know i did u wrong by even feelin things for joe but seriously, put urself in my shoes. i cant deny that im feelin things and hence, that explains the me telling you part. i told you bcuz i wanted you to noe how i felt and i wanted to be honest with you. i didnt tell you to make you feel worse or even bad cuz i noe deep down, i wud still be with you and its just ME TELLING YOU. i know i hurt you fuckin deep when i told you the whole thing but u cant pretend that i am not feeling anything for him. cz you noe i do cuz i told you. i am just sorry that it ended. but i am still not sorry for feeling the way i felt. cuz you noe deep down how i am inside and even if u were to tell me that u are lovin two person at the same time, i wud still accept it cuz its how YOU feel. it doesnt mean that if i am not angry, i dun care about you or i dun love you. i love you and that is why IF u were to tell me that, i wud still accept it. it is not as if i will be into a relationship with him right after the breakup with you. i will not forget you cuz u will always be a special friend to me. i felt that you are special right from the day we shared our first kiss and the way you looked at me. i just hope that you wud give urself and others a chance and not let this breakup be a hindrance to u searchin for your Lil Miss Right. i told you many times and im gonna make it public now that you haf alot to offer a girl and you shudnt stop at just me. you are one of the nicest guys ive even known and i know that you know that sumwhere out there tucked in the corners of the earth, there'll be sumone waitin for you. nevermind if the girl isnt me. just as long as you are happy, i will be happy for you and i will pray for ur happiness always. i know we will be good friends cuz i noe you care for me and you know deeep down there, i fuckin care for you and though this sounds lame, i will be there on ur wedding givin you my blessings. ok? takecare now my dear ::))

......................................................*
hehs. maebe the breakup is a good thing. maebe im just grateful that i totally believe in the phrase, " kalau jodoh takkan ke maner," cuz if we were meant to be, 10 20 yrs down the road, we wud still be together. sounds cliche-y but im sucha fate pussy. everythin happens for a reason,i believe. i guess i hafta pick up the pieces and move on with my life. it was not a regret bein into a relationship with him cuz i realised that we are better off as friends. and cuz as friends, we share alot more things together. and im just glad that he was my special sumone even though it didnt last long. i am still grateful that god sent me him and made him made me reduce all things bad and rotten. i will still change for the better and i promise that i will not give up on myself. i owe it all to you, aidil. i dunnoe what impact i made in his life but i hope its a positive one IF there is. hurhurs. oh wells. life still goes on,ayes? YESSAAAA.

chylled with nana,my long lost sisterhood girlfriend and it felt good to be under her void deck playin cards. been ages since we last did that and it felt good. felt good to reminiscin the time where we bought mjoyo thai tom yam and forgot abt the hot water and decided to eat it with ice mountain poured into the bowl cuz we were too lazy to move our fat asses up her house to ged hot water. hehs. prangai buruk nak mampos. and oh yar, like the time where we ate in ur house and slept immediately after that and woke up feelin hungry(again!) and ate and went back to sleep right after. yes, that explains my body huhs. life is gooooood, baby. hurhurs. and oh yar, dinner at rezki was fantastic. pernah tak nampak anak dare makan nasi and then roti john and then, fries? kaooos, sungguh tak glamour. but then again, nak cover pasrah nak katerkan. HAISH. i dunnoe lah erk, orang kater kalau orang naik badan its because orang tu happy. tapi for me, its the direct opposite. if u see me totally obese in like a month's time, it means that ive been really really fuckin depressed. hurs. stuupid.

its now close to eight and i just finished eaten my eggs with black pepper chicken. fuckin full and i feel like sleepin cuz i haven slept since eight last night. so well, i guess im gonna hit the beds like how DjBig hits the tracks. hurhurs. oh yar, MIN ZAID AND MY BELOVED QZ CREW,

me and nana are goin to be at Qz on the 25th may cuz its vict's bdae. COME OK? susah dtg we wanna go clubbin now. and after that day, prolly tak pegi lgik. COME OK??? hehe. mwahs, i love you all. ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT.

ok,daaaa. i wanna finish my bfast and go sleep already. it has been a long night lah k.
assalamualaikum,people.
jawab, tak jawab doser tau.
hehs.
MWAHSSSSSSSS.

♥ if its not cadbury,it has got ta be toblerone.

this is bad.

we were supposed to go to fort road. but suprisesuprise,its fuckin rainin like no one fuckin care and theres thunder and lightning.just dun blame me, im still a small girl who still shudders and shivers at the sound of thunder. and i remembered vividly how mommy used to tuck me to sleep on thunderous nights. like, OMG. -rolleyes-

the rain is so not stoppin anytime soon and that means that prolly, we cudnt chyll at fort road. cuz for one, the road is slippery and with me bein a panicfreak, i wud just panic if i was on his bike and if he were to turn or sumthin and of course, bein paranoid of skids and stufs, i dun like bein a pillian on a rainy night. haish. and aidil doesnt sound happy to hear my voice for i dunno what farks. but whatever lah ok. perhaps that he doesnt noe that im fuckin worried abt him not geddin his ass home at this time cuz its rainin and god noes the aftermath of it all. and even at his age, i am still worried cuz he is STILL my boyfriend. perhaps he just doesnt know how much i love him. so much that im scared to hurt him even though deep down in me i know he doesnt deserve this shit from me. i mean, he doesnt deserve this shit from anyone. and yar, booo ana, i still hafta do it. and the least i cud do is to tell him how i felt,which i did ydae, and i think he was rather affected by it. i mean, i dun blame him. things were just so right before we were together but things got swayed alil i guess. and its affectin me and i hate to involve him in this but i hafta cuz yada yada yada. you noe the rooks. haish. =]*

and yar, i stayed home on a saturday night rottin,literally. -rolleyes- i am so not used to bein at home. like, WHATS THERE TO DO. -stares- all i can think of doin is to stare at my comp screen and blog away cuz to me it seems politically right to do just that if im at home. like, more of my usual regime. and just now, i watched fallen idol on ABC. like,wooahh. cory and paula actualli slept together. like, farks. haha. he is just soooo sexxay. ive always refered to him as the boy with the sexy locks sexy lips sexy eyes. and all things peaches and cream lah k :))
CORY CLARKE,i loike. but for the fact that he slept with thirty-sumthin-gg-onto-forty Paula Abdul, turns me OFF. hurhurs. oh wells. when is the rain gonna stop. i wan fort road. i wan to go riding. and the anticipation of waitin for september the fourth to come is sooooooo,nerve-wreckin. and yar, the day i walk into SDC(is that the abbr. for the place?i dunno. gamble arh.), wud be the day i haf my lips stretched all the way to my ears cuz i wud be legal meat by then and NO jus-any-hsa-officers can cum up to me and tell me straight into my face that im underaged. cuz suprisesuprise, im eighteen today. HAHA. i mean, not today but september the fourth that is. hurhurs.

i dunnoe if he has reached home.it is still heavy. urghs. yar, i dun wanna call him cuz i dun wanna seem too worried but hells lah ok, how can anyone NOT be worried if ur bf is sumwhere out there and its rainin like this,heavy. damn,i hate this. if i call him, he'll prolly think that im such a hassle. but HELLS lah ok. urghs. bad,bAD,bAd,BAD,BaD.

fine lah ok. no use bcumin a emopussy already. i shud be alrite if i can ged my ass to fort road. i wanna be there. sittin on the concrete floor just talkin and larfin and larfin again. and talk about how imperfect life is and smirk at that selfish thought bcuz life isnt perfect in the first place. and people arent perfect too and how we cud all larf at the fact of how we cud be sooo silly so as to assume that everyone shud please us or how people shud kneel before us and pratically kiss our toes. so, what now.

ohh man, i see him comin online. hiahs. i dunnoe. okie. ill try. damn, at least im trying rite. so please. stop hitting on me and make me feel even worse. and he tells me that he is charmed by a new vocalist. i loike feelin fuckin inferior, really. like how her voice is good and of course, she has ta like emopunkrock. hurs. and yar, how is it all a slap in the face cuz i know i cud never be like her cuz i cant sing, i dun charm him and i dun like emopunkrock or whatever that he listens to.URGHSSSSSSSSS.

♥ this is irritating.

im just glad he called to clear the air. and i love him for that.
and yar, we are plannin to book a chalet together after my trip.
yayness. and i cant wait for that day.
hurhurs.

i mean, hes all i ever wanted and im not soooo gonna let our differences be a hindrance to our relationship. cuz yar, hes everythin im not and im everythin hes not. its to that extreme but again, differences doesnt matter at all cuz i noe there is a soft snugglin spot where we both can snuggle up to and just haf farn :)) and that is all that matters. pfft.
it feels great to be in love, doesnt it?
eyy no no, it feels even better to be lovin that special sumone and to know that he loves you too.
hurhurs.

two days wasnt enuff to lepaskan rindu and even though i dun show it, i do miss him. alot, at it. but circumstances has it that we cant be together like 24/7 cuz surpisesuprise, hes busy serving the nation. -rolleyes- i cant be a selfish girlfriend and whine and rant and groan like a 2 yr old even though i love doin that just to irritate the livin daylights out of him. HAHA.

waitwait, people of the world,
cud u please tell me if im really a dickhead slash blurcock? like do i really irritate the hell outta you when i ask questions? hmmm, its botherin me and its really makin me think whether im really really like that cuz ive been receivin loads of feedbacks. hmmm. how like that?! but really lah ok, how do u expect me to understand a movie like Kingdom of Heaven just like that? im like fuckin slloooooowww and its so me to ask questions durin the movie itself and assume that he noes the movie better than me. so please understand, people of the world, that little miss blurcock here needs more time to digest facts and its also bcuz, for a fact that i haven been attendin school for like decades-months :)) hehs. and it wasnt intentional that i seriously wunder whats orlando blooms' name in the movie even though i noe they mentioned his name like umpteen times.

kingdom of heaven is wayyyyyyyyyyyy better than house of wax. i think i like it better bcuz i like war movies better than movies like scary movie 1 2 or 3 combined. even though war movies are alil more brutal, at least it captures my attention cuz i begin to realise that the director is soo smart. like the movie, Brotherhood. where it was the korean war and the movies speaks of the story of two brothers and how they survived the war. and i just love the part where they begin to plan of the war techniques of how to bring the enemy down and where they start their field navigations.the seriousness of it all just gives me adrenaline rush like just now when i watched kingdom of heaven where blooms was supposed to be the leader of his army or sumthin and how he actualli plans the attack. HE IS SOO SMART. or rather, the director is SOOO SMART.
hurhurs=]*. u guys shud watch it lah ok. and im soo glad that he brought me even though, again, i irritate him. HAHA.

hmm,but at the same time, too much of such movies scares the shit out of me and i still am comfortable with movies like findin nemo where it is all HAHA or HOHO. or like, nigga shit movies like GuessWho or Honey. that kinda movies, I LOIKE.

wookie, im sooo sticky now cuz i haven bathed since i got home and i wanna do it now.
so there people, takecare aites.
til i blog again.

love,
ana.

♥ hurs:))

hhey.
watched House of Wax ydae and i swear upon ain's cat again that its the most brutal and disgusting show ive ever seen in my entire life. and i had to stick my ass in the cinema cuz aidil looks as though he was enjoyin the show and sumhow, i cudnt be a sadpussy and just walk out of it just like that even though i felt so tempted to. URGHS :((

this is bad when u haf a boyfriend who goes crazy over shows like house of wax and kingdom of heaven and OH YAR, STARWARS. -rolleyes- this is like soooooooooo NOT me. pfft. i like movies which has stupid corny lame dialogues. -beams- movies which doesnt make me think. movies that make me larf at the dialogues for ages and still haf me larfin when i think of it while waitin for the train or sumthin. -shrugs- but whatever it is, i still love him. hurs. that is sooooo cliche-y, i noe. hurhurs. but whatever. =]*

its two in the afternoon and i just woke up. and im supposed to meet him in 30mics and im feelin tooooo lazy to move my ass to ged my towel to wash up. hurs. this is like soooo me i guess. when in the world wud i be awake at two in the afternoon sial. my sleepclock is sooo screwed and aidil thinks im eatin sumthin to help me stay still-hyperactive at 9 in the mornin when i haven slept for the whole night. hes givin me farny ideas though. HAHA. but whatever, farny tak farny, sayang masih ader OK. and he cracked me up with his nak-step-bimbo-or-anita-whatever thingy thing. you noe, the one where they snaps their fingers and move their head?
YARR, my boyfriend is sooooooooooooooooooo good at that now. like, WOAH-not. -rolleyes- hurhurs. but its farny lah k.

hmm, haven seen alot of nana and gayahs. but whatever. i dun wanna think about it. they seemed to busy to be bothered by my presence so WHAT THE HELLS. and yar, haven been seein alot of pple too. min zaid dillah wan cici mimi nina, YALL ARE MISSED GREATLY.
and yar, i miss wanbob too. HURHURS. yes, the guy who is the brother to the stuppid-nak-step-jamaican girl who thinks im afraid of her just bcuz she self-claimed to be JAMAICAN. haha. skali, ABANG DIER KAWAN AKU. BODOH SAKKKKK. -larfsLOUD-
eeyyy B, go do ur research b4 hittin on anyone first, aites? i aint ur lil sister whom u can flick around, ya noe?!
-rolleyes-

i noe i shudnt feel bad. but i cant help it cz its seriously geddin to me. everytime i hear his voice, it made me tear. URGHS. this is bad. i shud really wipe my tears and go ged ready. so, there.

takecare yall.

♥ hehs.

i noe ive made my decision and its only right that i live thru it and not go back on my words.
therefore, i will do my best to be the best girlfriend and prolly, love him with all ive got.
insyallah.

hurs. now, the song, BROWN EYES is relevant to me.

" i noe that he loves me cause he told me so.
i noe that he loves me cause his feelins show."

oh yarr, did i mention that today is one of the stupidest day of my life.
im sooo pissed at myself.
DAMN IT.
wells.

i gotta go and ged ready for my meeting.
love,
ana.

♥ a spec of this, a peck of that.

he touched me with his words, his sincerity and perhaps his desperation to want me.
hurhurs. but all is good.
im all yours now, aidil.
mwahs. <3.

after this morning's conversation wit aidil, i slept like a baby.
and yar, bitches of the world,
do not fret,
dun hafta lock ur husbands,
dun hafta cuff ur boyfriends cuz,
suprisesuprise,
Amalina has found love.

hurs. but i broke another. and the guilt of it all is killin me. and the tot of wreckin sumone's hart by my decision breaks myne even deeper. and yar, i just pray that i made the right decision. oh god, please help me. it hurts me so bad to see him hurt. =[*

anyhoos, me bein an emotional wreck, its pretty normal for me to tear just like that. like,farks. urghs. and daddy is bein a sicko cuz he did sumthin to the phone line and i cant call anyone rite now. and why issit my playlist is playin songs about me lovin sumone so much that nothing else matters. why cant it play sumthin relevant to what im feelin rite now. URGHS. this is just sooo bad.

maebe im just too greedy for love. maebe im just too desperate for sumone to be there with me all the time and tellin me that everythins alrite. after all the fuckwittage that i went thru over the years, it made me realise that i can make choices, i haf the right to make choices. but given the situation that im in now, i rather sit and let others make decisions for me. that way, i wun be hurtin anyone else. im just pissed that two of the most wunderful guys that ive ever gotten to know came into my life just like that and offerin me with the best in life and it hurts me that i haf to let one down. and like farks, which i already did.-rolleyes- pfft. i just wish joe finds sumone better. it hurts me that he cant move on. and yar, for once, i realli dun wanna be me now. me bein such a emopussy, i hate this rooks.

ok, the remedy of this all is my girls. MY GIRLS. WHERE YOU ALL. I NEEED YOU.

i need to meet lin gayah and nana. cuz they are the medicine of my pain, my angst and my fuckwittage.

oh wells. im out.

♥ yayness :))))

hurhurs.
ok, im fuckinly not well. as in, mentally not well. things are goin pretty fyne for me with my girls cuz i noe they understand how busy i am shufflin my life with ermms, you-noe-whats. put it nicely, im busy searchin for my happiness. life before this has it that im always the one sittin and actualli lookin at my girls doin their thing and actualli, givin my view which they claim is useful, so now, its my turn. i hope pple understand. and its fuckin hard to actualli choose but yday, had a talk with joe and he saed that i dun haf ta choose cuz yar, we are all friends. yada yada yada yada and yadaaaa~ -rolleyes- but whatever.

and so, im now at grams bloggin away cuz my comp at home is bein a sick pussy and it sucks to the core. and of course, me bein a net freak hates the hell out of it. damn the person who gaf me the damn hell viruses. LIKE FARKS. so what the hell. im waitin for the cake to come out so we cud all sing the mom's day song together and make merry. hurhurs. like, whatever. and yar, the cake's chocolate. yummylicious. -slurps- hmm, i cant wait for tmr's meetin at SIF. but seriously, i dunnoe what time issit cuz im confused whether its either at seven or issit at six thirty. hmmm. last meetin was ok but it wasnt thhaaat great cuz it took them like 1 hr to actualli ask for my name and to actualli get to noe the names of all my fella expeditionists. HURHURS. im so excited. like, yayness.

anyhoos, news hassit that i wun be bonded by the govt for my nursin career. and thats BAD. cuz i WANT THE MONEY. cuz you noe what, im a materialistic girl. the best song for this is the song by gwen stefani. liek the one which goes, if i was a rich girl, nanananannanananana. you noe the rooks. =]* oh wells.

im so fuckin free these few days that i can seriously sit at home and just lie on my bed and listen to akon's, on repeat mode. thats how bad it is. sah cud go on and on about her boredom but really, shes in like, BIG LAS VEGAS. like, shes in LAS VEGAS. like, LV, as in LV. but i am in spore. sooooo boring lah deys. we cud trade places anytime,girl. teeheee.

i wanna go out cuz im sick of sittin at home doin nothing. at least if im outside, IM OUTSIDE. geddit? hurs. hmmm, that makes me wunder. its been ages liek ages since i last saw min zaid wan and dillah.like, FARKS. and the last time i saw them was the time when we chylled at min's smokin my-still current fetish, THE SHEESHA. haha. oh what the hells. im missing that stuppid thing like farks. heard that its goin at 8dollars at arab street. hmm,which is much much cheaper than the one at railway's. hmmm,i miss that place fuckin alot too. i dunnoe lah k. im missin hella loads of things and i swear by ain's cat, that if i were to go sri lanka, i wud cry myself to sleep and miss singapore soooo fuckin much. hurhurs. that is like so me, i guess. i think i wud prolly bring albums of my fav people along with me. urghs.urghs. this is soooooooo effin bad lah.

ok,i shud go call aidil now. supposed to meet him like later. but i dunnoe. so yarr, hopefully i ged to meet him cuz we seriously need to talk. HAISH. pray for me, people. :::))))

love,
ana.

♥ two guys and a girl.

seriously i haven been in a situation for AGES.
or perhaps also, ive never gotten myself into this shit,ever before.
seriously.
and it is just soo bad cuz i noe i haf ta pick either one of them and the mosy effing irritatin part is, both are equally nice to me.

one sets my heart in fire just by lookin into my eyes and smilin. one sets my heart blaze just by larfin. one makes me blush so red til i wanna hide and one just makes me feel so loved. one is just so mysterious and that makes him even sexier and one is just so reserved with his feelings that i ged no clue at all and i tend to screw up.one is DRAWP DEAD HAWT with zilch confidence slash self esteem and one is just HAWT but with alot more confidence. i just hope i can hide both in my pockets and pretend no one sees me kidnappin em.

i hope god is givin me this shit to make me realise sumthin and hopefully the decision i choose will be the right one. i noe, ppl asks why cant both be my friends. the thing about me havin guyfriends as close as i haf now is that, i CANT haf close guyfriends. reminder, i fall easily and sumtymes, fall hard enuff to bruise myself. its just hard when u are not physically attracted to the both of em at first but when time flies, u ged allured by them even more. so, what now?
i seriously dunnnoe. haish.

i had farn with J. talked about stufs and abt my issues with aidil. i got aidil so worried cuz i didnt call him in the afternoon and he tot i didnt wanna talk to him again. wells, i just need time to be away from him for abit.to think and reshuffle my tots and feelins i guess. last night was just a bad night for me and it was good cryin on lin's shoulders. it feels good to know that ur girlfriend will always be there for you no matter what happens. on top of everythin, if i lose all the men in my life, i still haf my girls to fall back on. and that is all that matters. and i know that even before any man comes into my life, it has always been my girls so if they ged out of my life, things wudnt change too cuz i still haf my girls.

aidil is just supa hawt and iskandar is just supa hawt too. both of em haf the prettiest eyes ive ever seen on a guy and i loike what i see you see. hurs. but feelins im feelin for both of em are entirely different. owh man. no no, dun ged me wrong. im jsut not attracted by them just cuz of their hawt looks. its them,just them. teehee. ohh,im geddin sleepy. i shud sleep.

oh yar, the trip to sri lanka has been confirmed.
so people of the world,

ILL BE LEAVIN FOR SRI LANKA ON SRI LANKAN AIRLINES ON THE FIRST OF JUNE TWO OH-OH FIVE.

and im proud of myself cuz i paid 300bucks myself. teehee.
i wish my friends cud join me and yar, aidil sounded worried. cuz usually if i were to go on mission trips, mommy wud come with me like the thailand mission trip. but now, ill be alone. omg, im so gonna be homesick. seriously. but il be gone for 14days though.
and then, prepare to see the TANNED AND MUCH SLIMMER ME. hurs. so excited.=]*

love,
ana.

♥ stupidity+honesty=uncertainity.

tide is goin against me now.
i told a little sumone about my past.
seems to me that, that little sumone doesnt like it.
or rather, seems disturbed.
hmm, its my past lah for god's sake.
i dunnoe if its worth just thinkin abt what if he cant accept my past.
but seriously, after thinkin abt what happened for the whole night, i gathered that i shudnt be even worryin cuz its my past and I noe that I WONT repeat it and if he cant accept it, too bad.
yar, why still be nice to me if u noe u cant accept my past. why not just spit at me and tell me how disgusted you are with me. its already bad enough that i went thru all those shit and yar, due to my stupidity, i agree. but it WAS the past. it happenED like what, 3 months ago? oh puhlease. why not find another girl who has a past better than mine or a girl who doesnt even haf a past close to mine. this is bad lah ok. and farks, this has to happen with the guy im havin feelins for. you are disappointed? heh. =[* tell me about it sial.

called joe just now. he was nice i guess. not much elaboration lah ok. he is just a friend. and yar, thats it. i am only attracted to him cuz he has nice eyes. seriously, his eyes, WOAH. haha. like, mesmerizin. niice. oh wells. its rainin like cats and dogs or like girls and boys. -rolleyes- sumhow, im likin the cool sensation when i walked in the rain and the raindrops just falls on my bareshoulders and just reminds me of the times i walked in the rain with fazly. like really, walk really really slow to purposedly get wet and try to talk or rather babble with rain on our lips. and yar, how the unglam scenario of wet hair plastered on our foreheads and how he pulls up his pants as though spore was goin ta flood. HAHA. stupid boy. haish. maybe i shud call joe. i dunnoe. havin like mixed feelins abt whats goin on around me. how i wish..how i wish. hehs.
FAT HOPE LAH OK ANA. -rolleyes-

i haf ta pay 300 bucks for the trip already and my bank acc is seriously fuckinly dry. urghs. this is sooo bad. im just waitin for school where they will gif us monthly allowance. YAY! perks of bein into the nursing science faculty. hurs. this is sooo nice just thinkin abt the cash that im gonna haf. -beams- oh wells. i hope things turn out alrite. im sure im gonna do ok in nursing. ill try my best though. insya-allah.

aidil hates it when i hang up on him. hurs, why issit always me? fyne lah k. WHATEVER.

love,
ana.

♥ mardi gras__*

this is bad.
this is the like forth time im tryin to blog without accidentally deletin sumthin.
sumhow, when i try to blog, things ged screwed lah.
like, i wud accidentally close the whole window without realli realisin that ive typed like a compo-length entry and the stupid recover post icon doesnt really do wunders for my case.
and oh, how my toes can do gymnastics cuz it can switch the off button and the whole comp just got black and for a moment, i stare at the black screen b4 it hits me that its really OFF.
this is geddin to me and i think the fact that ive not been attendin school does really contributes to the point that im sumhow dumb-en. urghs. this is bad.

yar, im supposed to blog abt the weekend party. i noe, but sumhow, i jus dun feel like bloggin abt it. on the short note, food wus great, company was great and the boys, yummylicious. hurhurs. i cudnt haf seen mommy bein more happy and daddy actualli smilin for the camera and how the photo we took looks genuinely nice. like, its been a long time. and im just glad that things are workin out btwn everybody. pheww. oh wells.

and i had the best night cuz my bestfriend since the old school days came. im so happy that she even came cuz she was supposed to party at hard rock with her other frens but she chose her old school bestfriend. hurhurs. i love her lah k and im glad that we caught up on stories and things happenin to us cuz god noes, when will we ever meet like that ever again. not that class gaths cud be of any help. hehs. -rolleyes- but im a happy girl. sittin on the porch drinkin blackcurrent juice while listenin to sappy love songs and just talkin about boys. HAHA. kinda lame but she was depressed and the topic was surpisesuprise, BOYS lah. haiyoh. i cant believe she took up signin just to please her boyfriend. hey, this type of things to put it blantly, SUSAH DPT IKHA BUAT GITU. haha. she doesnt do stufs for guys. usually guys do stufs for her and this tyme, shit has ta happens. and of course, it scares the livin daylights of that girl to even to look at boys again. hiahs. this is saddenin. i cant just understand why guys cudnt like appreciate girls more like, what we do for them. alah, tapi, u cant blame them lah. kalau dah tak jodoh, nak buat aper kan. =]*

i dreamt of fazly ydae. i dunnoe for what farks and he was tellin me shit abt the money issue lah k. and we were quite ok with each other i guess and yar, i remembered dreamin abt me stayin in a huge kelong and when i look at the sea, the sea is totally green. like milky green and its gross. but even so, i remembered askin a man whether i cud jump right into the sea lookin thingy but he saed that it was just 5 metres deep. like, stupid rite. haiyoh. i dunnoe what the hell is the dream abt. hurs. but it was a good dream i think.

ohyar, things are better with me and aidil. and i like him alot alot alot. hurs. and yarh, like he saed, i dun mind what we are goin thru right now even tho we are rushin things alil bit. but its ok i guess. the last thing i wan him to do is to realise that we are really really rushin things and he slows things down. if this shit happens already, theres no way we can slow it down. we can only move with the flow and see how far it goes. mwahs. and we are plannin for a very very special night and im fuckinly excited abt it. hurhurs. only that much can be revealed. but im just excited
:))))

im meetin lin today. supposed to ged my pay and den rush to outram to pay for the fuckin HSA fine. for what, UNDERAGE SMOKING. like FARKS. whatever lah. i just hope i ged my pay today. and that wud be enuff already. to sustain me til i fly to sri lanka. haha. actualli havin 3 trips to different countries in like 6 mths is bad sak. and i tot after the china trip, i wud stick my ass in spore and not be a resident anywhere else. but yar, SRI LANKA. HERE I COME. hehs. this thursday is my first meetin at SIF and im fuckin excited. i hope there are frenly people lah k. i wudnt wanna look anti-social at my first meetin. and yarr, IM GONNA BE THERE. that if i dun forget lah. hurs. u noe how much of a dickhead i can be. -rolleyes-

i miss aidil. alot. =[

love,
ana.