♥

i find blogger fucken weird now cause i think the settings are all fucken disorientated and i see all the icons lined up just above where im typing. hahs! and it took me awhile to find the space to actualli type my entry. and i tot blogger doesnt allow me to blog anymore.

hmmm, today, i am pissed. because, you noe why? GUESS LAH. -rolleyes- ok, nvm. daddy and meimei went to thailand WITHOUT me. and WITHOUT me knowing. ok, i am fuckin hurt. and daddy didnt even leave me any money, so today i went to work WITHOUT notes. all i have was measly coins lah ok. and i am hungry. very hungry in fact. God, this is pathetic, cant you see?

and on top of all that, ude called me to ask if i wanted to go queenzing. so, i refused to answer him. cause it is just pathetic. until when will i be able to ged myself out of this trench. LIKE FARKS (: ok, so tonite, i am so goin away. i dont care. in search of food and prolly farn. HAIYOH. dunnoe lah.

and the anger hasnt subsided yet because mom wud be home ONLY after nine i think. and by that time, i wud be wherever BUT home. so yah. whatever lah ok. so what, im supposed to fast issit? -rolleyes- it is irritating. VERY irritating to know that they are out there prolly stuffin themselves with food and i am at home WITH an empty stomach. and aidil asked me a fuckin stupid question : U eaten? WAHLAO. eat what? grass? lame rite? bodoh.

dahlah. malas lah nak layan orang orang ni semuer. benci tau! BENCI.

♥ memori daun pisang takkan ku lupakan.

ok, maybe ill blog about how i feel when i come back from work later.
but then, by then, i wud feel tired. so, that means, i haf ta do it now but i dun feel like bloggin about it now cause i find absolute NO inspiration coming to my head. and that, i feel totally lifeless. cause i am tired. because we walked from orchard all the way back to my place. and yah, sumthin funny happened despite all the drama that was goin on between me and him ydae.

listen tau, we were sittin at paragon. the steps in front of the m1 shop.and when i stood up, i stepped on my skirt. and so, my stepping of my skirt has therefore caused a mayhem in my head because the skirt got pulled to my legs. THAT MEANS,go figure lah. HARHAR. ok, it was fuckin farny and i seriously felt like larfin it off like real real loud cause it was just so stupid of me but i didnt and i KEPT my mouth shut because aidil wasnt in the mood. and yah, it was dumb lah ok. this is the FIRST time that i didnt larf at myself because of my stupidity. but i think no one saw. like, GAWD. its at the paragon's sey. i wudnt dare imagine if anyone saw. krekre. takkan ku lupakan. ishkishk.

and yah, we talked about quite abit of things ydae. and i understand hows he feelin and why was he in a trance after that and yah, i understood everythin. and hopefully, he'll then understand what i was tryin to tell him. insyallah. time will tell, i say and time will prove everythin also. insya-allah. and baby, like ive saed, no one can replace you in my life. because right now, the doors are closed cause its already been filled. filled by you, my love. <3.



ok, i hear my ward calling me. 53C, HERE I COME. harhar. oh, 53c is my ward btw. sape sape nak visit, bagi buah ker, bagi bunge ker. dipersilakan ok? harhar. its at block 5, level three. kuar lift jek, u'll see the signboard lah. its the door on the left. tulah dier! hehehee. ok, i nak gi gosok baju k. gosok gosok~ tralalallalallalalala.

♥

i club like i dun haf him in my life?
haish. ok lah.
hopefully things will get better. and i want it to get better fast cause i hate the way im feeling now; rotten miserable and still feel, alone.
i dun wanna give up. not now. not at this point.
and its because of me that he nearly fought with his friends. and its because of me that most of his money is bein spent away cause of all the fonecalls he made/ tried to make. but hey, you dont regret if ur doing sumthin for the person you love. or rather, u dont even say it out loud and upfront if ur doing sumthin for the person you love. but he did. he saed he spent his money calling me. ok, fine. so, is that regret i sense comin out of him?
like ive saed, u dont do things and then talk about it later. if u noe, ur gonna talk about it later, dont do it and make me feel fuckin bad. oklah, you tell me,what do u really expect me to do while u were gone? cry and moan and whine around at home for you like a lost puppy? sumhow i hafta ged you out of my mind, rite? hiash. seandainya kau paham.

suddenly i dun feel like goin to work.
today is a blardy day.

well,fyi, at least i didnt fuck around.

damnnnn.

♥

its been a long long time since i last felt the way i felt.
yesterday's queenzin was the best in many many months, i say.
alot of crap ; alot of lame jokes ; alot of jumping around ; alot of screaming too.
all is good already.
kisses to yaya ( her first attempt at clubs!) , nana, ude, azman,man and afew other people we dunnoe who were sharing the same bar with us. and oh yes, how cud i forget, the rancid guy! the nana's loyal fan. HARHAR.

and guess who i saw?! YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE IT.
i met my kindie friend. yah, the friend who studied with me at ppis. the friend who played sandcastles with me. the friend who prolly saw me pooed in my pants in school! ARGHHH. i was beyond elated when i finally managed to recognise her. she was like smiling at me and i was like turning back the whole time until i went up to her and then, it hit me that she was NADIAH! i noe, like OMG. i was fuckin excited also (:

and i saw nik too. aidil's vox i think. with his BALD head. -rolleyes- he was at random or whatever they called it now. the one that replaced mad monks. yes, that one. so i saw him there. and yah, ok, fine, so maybe, he'll go like, "aidil's gf clubs? OMG." im a bad girl cause my bf doesnt do things i do. but fret not people, when aidil comes home, everythin is gonna evolve him, him and US. HAHS!

ok, so later i am goin to disco dangdut and i am so freaggin excited. and fyi, it is a drama play aite. the title is called Disco Dangdut.its at the blackbox so i am sooooooo freaggin excited. and after that, prolly movies i think. with my second guybestfriend,ude. cause the first is my baby. heeee! ok, im gonna go bathe. yaya's gonna be here any minute from now. so yeahhhh.

bye people.
takecare,yes?

and baby's coming home TONITE.
or rather early tmr morning @ 415hrs. i ch-ch-checked out his flight details already (:
i did my hw. i am such a good gf, i noe.
HAH! lameeee.

♥

ey, wouldnt it be all sad if marriage is just a piece of paper? a contract? a document? wouldnt it be sad? i haf often pounced upon a forum article in the papers written by a man statin that they like the idea of geddin married because they will in turn gain a cook ; a maid ; childbearer and of course, their sex partner. and i find it DOWNRIGHT selfish. i mean, come on, so we women/girls haf been deprived/stripped off of our rights to even choose? i dont geddit.

and really really often, when a man stray, the wife/girlfriend will be in a state of self-pity where they blame themselves for not bein able to meet the needs of their men and not bein able to so-called 'kneel & bow" to their men. but hello girls, why go thru all the turmoil and all that agony for a jerk who obviously is fuckin greedy.either hes greedy or hes fuckin perverse. i mean, i am a very strong feminist and i hate it when i feel that injustice haf been brought upon my fellow women of the world (hah!) and when women are bein victimised by men. ok, that aside, we talk about hitchin first k.

and to think some people actually haf the blardy cheek to even suggest that marriage wud be stemmed out and replaced it with cohabitation contract or polygamy. COME ON LA, it sounds fuckin sleazy already la ok. -rolleyes- and yah, even though islam allow the idea of polygamy but that is if the man is able to provide for all his wives mentally financially spiritually and sexually. and IF he is able to treat all of them fairly and equally. and that he is able to divide his time to meet the needs of his wives.
BUT people, dont you get it? like ok, divide his time. that means that the love wud be divided. the attention wud be divided and even, the body would be shared. to me, if you ask, i rather give up my husband than to share him with another woman. the idea of my husband in bed with another woman is so fuckin insulting. and i would be very very depressed and miserable blaming myself because i haf sooo many shortcomings. too many until my husband has to go to another woman to help him meet his needs. like, FUCK! i wudnt be able to accept that.

yes, it is partly because of my alter ego but then again, NO NO. i rather give him up and hopefully, my future husband wudnt be like that. ok, so perhaps some women really haf shortcomings but IT IS STILL NOT AN EXCUSE. when the both of you ged hitched at the ROM, im sure the man in the suit will ask if you are willing to go thru thick and thin; in good health or in bad with the person ur gonna marry. and if you sae yes i do, then ITS A PROMISE. a promise to urself, a promise to ur woman/man. so WHATS UP PEOPLE. i dont ged it.

and yah, try imaginin life without love where everyone goes around naked and hang " I LOVE SEX" posters on themselves and act all barbaric and when everyone is so obsessed with lust. but i hope the world wudnt be that cold and cruel cause it is already cold and cruel as it is and i wudnt want it to be pushed further. and yah, i am sure after all those few minutes of enjoyment, emptiness wud set it again. the ego-slapping truth about us NOT bein able to haf someone to call our own is again, depressing. ive felt like that so many times last year when i tot love has failed me and that i wud just give up on that stupid four letter word.and i hate the feeling. i hate the feelin of not coming home to someone you can call dear or love. i hate the feeling of coming to my empty room. it is the feeling of bein in love; the feelin/assurance that u noe that sumone is there to love you and to watch ur back and to take care of u is very relieving.

and when i found aidil, i felt a sense of relief. he offers me solace and serenity, i say. so, i will never trade love for lust again cause i noe how it frightens me and from everythin that has happened to me that is still unknown to the rest of the world, i wanna stick to my ironstrong principle,that is to be a one-man woman/girl. and that even though God has allowed it, i will never be able to accept polygamy. ever.

and after all these, i feel so 'debate-ish' and i miss those debates we had back in secondary school. HAISH. ok, i dunnoe why the sudden urge to blog abt this but, yah. sometimes, i do things without reason without logic but hopefully, my entry depicts a better picture of my stand.

erm, yah, hes coming back tmr. actualli it is no big deal because even if he was to touched spore, i wudnt be able to see him tmr. so, yah. if u noe what i mean. but hopefully all is well and that he doesnt suffer from much jet-lag so that he can meet me ASAP. har!
and mom's bein a nag. its SATURDAY for heaven's sake and she's buggin me to do chores. well, God doesnt give 24hrs in a day for no reason you noe (:

and did i mentioned, daddy's mp3 got stolen at work? YAH, IT GOT STOLEN. whoever the bitch is lah ok, will ged rotting ears and burst eardrums. so, YAH. i am cruel. whatever. BURN BITCH!

and HAPPY BDAY SARA !!! EIGHTEEN ALREADY! SAME LIKE ME! YAYNESS**
MWAHS.

♥

you noe, i am so in lorve with timothy nga.
i watched him on table for three with kheng hua and he likes me! in fact, to put it very very humbly( hah!), he finds me sexy!

because i larf like a pig cause i larf loud and sometimes i snort wen i larf. dont believe, if the encore of table for three appears on teevee, ill remind you guys to watch ok.

now, i can roll roll on my bed and larf loud loud. because my lungs are tickled by the idea of me snorting and farting in front of a hot hunk like him. i think when that happens, i'll ask him again if he finds me sexy or not. HARHAR. oklah, i am kidding. i DONT snort and fart at the same time. but then again, the part about him finding women who larf like pigs are very very flattering cause i am aware of my larfin antics and they are indeed horrendous but im glad that someone appreciates my larfter cause i dont see myself larfin under my fingers or hankies. HARHAR.

oh yah, did i mentioned that my fav patient has gone off already? THIS IS SAD. shes the patient whom i can pinched her cheeks and the patient who calls me minah and act all innocent when she pinches my ass when i turn against her. I WILL MISS HER. *sobs. and yah, shes the one whom i taught how to do the "flying kiss". mwahs** and yah, i didnt noe my face is actualli very cartoonic. -shrugs- this civildefence guy saw me and he said, "ey, klakarnye gigi awak!" harhar. like, WOW sey. tak sangke gigi aku klakar. bodoh punye jantan. tak pernah dgr word 'braces' kah?! BODOH. -shakeshead-

oh wells.
i am yawning but mom's green bean soup is sooo effin tempting.
ok, i am gone and O U T .

ey, three days babe! THREE DAYS!

♥

guess what, FINALLY i can look forward to the weekends for the right reasons. and yes, that means, clubs booze n girlsgoncrazy are all OUT. OUTTT. this weekend, i am gonna be an arty-farty person and go watch DISCO DANGDUT @ blackbox. hahs! i am fuckin excited lah ok. i cant wait to meet yaya, my devoted threatre lover girlfriend. cause its been ages since we last met and the last time we met, we got into a huge huge and petty fight. but im sure, both of us are so over it lah. so yesssaaaa, TEATERKAMI, here we come. cant wait to see kak shida and kak suhaila and see adib gelek. HARHAR. i am so excited. okie, nothing excites me more than tk's dramas i tell you. and i am sure daddy's gonna be there! WOOOHEEEE, again. and prolly see alot of members of the mickeymouse club lah. yg baju mickey mouse, jeans colour colour, earrings besarbesar, kaki pakai nettings kinda people. that aside, i am still excited! hurs.

and another reason is that, come this sunday, BABY'S GONNA TOUCHDOWN FROM THAILAND. -grins- so, i am both relieved and just as excited about his cominghome like i am excited over tk's dramas. HURS. well, i am sure if aidil were to be back earlier, he wud lorrrve to catch the play together. but tooooo bad. booochalakaabooooderooos, baby! so, nevermind, ill just haf ta enjoy it with my girlfriend. krekre.and of course i am lookin forward to meetin her cause she made me my belated bdae gift. she MADE it. and i am proud of her,really. cause even though i dunnoe what it is, the idea of her MAKING sumthin is fuckin orgasmic cause i cant wait to see what it is considering the fact that she sucks in art or anything that has gotta do with DIY. so, yahhhh. krekrekre (: i am happy. very happy. fuckin happy. very happy! yay!

and today, i am startin work at one. so i can afford to laze around the house. roll myself from my room to the kitchen and back sounds fuckin therapeutic already. and ya, that means, i haf to prepare lunch too since daddy didnt give me any money today. BOOHOOO,DADDY.

ok, i think i wanna fry the jemput jemput la. i am hungryyyyyyy.
hais, he complains that his waist is 34. CONGRATS BABY. dah nak challenge dgn i erkk?! harhar. ok, dah, too much revealin of personal information is NOT good for the worldwideweb.
(:

♥

ok, meimei and mommy is down with high high fever.
meimei suspect dengue and yah, mom,viral fever. my heart bleeds.
but insya-allah, this is hopefully another sakit period for my whole family cause usually, we'll all be sick together and ya allah, jauhkan lah ok (:

days at sgh are geddin boring-er by the day i must say. i dont look forward to gg to work now cause all my fav patients haf been discharged cause they are well enuff and yah, tmr, when the new batch of students come, it'll be more boring-er to do because they will all be like us when we first come in too. so, i am SO looking forward to it lah ok. -rolleyes-

and ydae, aidil cheekily sent me an sms in mommy's hp. he went all mushy and everythin and yah, TO MOMMY'S HP. -rolleyes- ok, i am so jealous of fara. cause she just showed me pics of her goin clubbin with FOUR HOT ARABIAN guys from her college. hmph! but i am not complainin cause my hottie is coming back this sunday. YES, SUNDAY. harhar! and i cant believed ive made it through all these while. and yah, to some it may be just measly but then again, months ago, i didnt even like the word boyfriend. the words flings ons-es sound much much more appealing to me back then. when everythin evolves around dirty dirty matters, it excites me. so now, i am just glad. and i cant wait to hear his stories over there. hahs! and yah, its a blessin that he likes travelling as much as i do and i noe that we wud go round round the world someday. -beams-

ok, i am shagged from playin nurse-patient with grandad so now, i think i deserve a very very very good night sleep.
Nite all.
<3.

♥

i fell off my bed ydae and my back is hurting like farks and ude is an asshole cause he still wants to go chinablacking with me.
HAIYOH.
how like that.
perhaps i am not going lah ok.
walking is already a problem.
hurs, i sound like a grandmother now.
ok, aidil called me ydae but i wasnt at home and he didnt try to call me back.
so i am pissed.
very pissed.
and now, i sound like a whiny grandmother.

damn, what was i dreaming about ydae. haish.
this is bad.

♥

Dearest Baby,

Happy Two Months! I am just glad that you're part of my life now. Life wasnt as good as it is now and i am grateful for your patience and your love. Your sincerity has touched me and therefore, i am bounded by this relationship cause i find myself trapped. But i am a happy girl now. Thank You.

Love,
your fatty bombom.

♥

i need you here,
right back here in my life.

*yayness.
he called me just now. and yessa, i lorve my man. and yah, spend and finish all ur money there ok baby? so, you dont haf a choice but to come back! HARHAR! yessa, i am evil and i am cruel. but anything to ged my baby back to me lah ok (:

and yeah, the attachment topic is prolly the ONLY thing that we talk about these days. like, hows our individual ward, hows the ahpeks and the ahmahs, the debate whether nyp is better den ite or how much the nurses deprived us of our breaks and how we all tot that it was fuckin unfair. but we didnt really expressed how much we've missed each other. and yah, how i want these 10weeks to end so that i cud go back to school. where image isnt really important; where i can sit in MLT and listen to lectures and take down notes. i want to pass love notes to my Gsisters and tell them how i love them even though they irritate the livin hell outta me sumtymes. and how much i wanna just sit in foodstadium and bitch around and larf loudly over ice lemon tea and then, go fag at our secret points. HARHAR. ok, this is geddin exciting and the more i talk about school, the more its geddin into my system.
so big flyin kisses to faezah erin shaz syafa sara nurul saniah syikin idz harith su.
biler nak kuar agik erk?! harhar.

ok, i wanna bathe and then, go sleep.
and tmr, ill be workin in the AFTERNOON.
haha, that means, ive got time to tidy myself up so that say li wun say anythin about my unprofessional image lah ok.
hais. penat tau jadik nurse. ishkkk.
ok, bye.
i love you darling!

♥

aidil called WHILE i was out.
see lah! KAOS. i am so fuckin irritated tau.
URGHS!
ok, its either he called at the wrong time or i went out at the wrong time.
FARKS LAH OK.
cheebye.
fark this stupid whole thing lah ok.
why does he has to go to thailand in the first place?
BLARDY HELLS.
ok, i am fuckin pissed lah alrite.
a packet of fries cudnt make me feel better also.

theres liek so many things that i haven told him yet. theres so many things that i haven asked him but yet, when i talked him, everything flies. i dont remember what i am supposed to ask, i dont remember what im supposed to tell him. HAIS.

PATHETIC.
dahlah, aku jadik poman dok pat umah lah. haish, menyusahkan orang lah ni army.
BABI TUL.

♥

daddy has just given me money to get food cause i am so fuckin hungry and cause he is just too lazy to ride to the nearest shop cause he is just too lazy to walk since it is of walkable distance.
hmm, ok, i noe, enough rite. -rolleyes-
harhar.

ohs, today is my FIRST day in the ward. and i was assigned to an all-women ward so i dont haf the chance to pinch cute and smooth asses and cheeks anymore. and yah, i dont haf a chance to see penises, put on uro-sheaths and give urinals. *winks* but what the hells. it is all good cause ive been assigned to one cubicle and all the ahmahs in there are actualli quite cute. and time passes really fast while workin. so its all good. cause i dont like the idea of watchin the time like all the time which means its geddin draggy and boring. but its not, in my ward. but i fuckin envy those NYP students cause they can ENTER the NURSERY. and like, my ward is just opp a nursery which means, i can actualli hear babies cryin and gagglin and them comin out of the ward BUT i cant enter cause i am not supposed to be in there. -sticksoutongue- UWEK. okla, dont wanna be a spoilt blankie (:

so, im workin in the mornin shift tmr. so, i haf to be at work by seven. sumone, shoot me. i cant even wake up at six cause it wud be too late cause i hafta to report by 645 and pass reports starts at seven sharp cause 650 we've got rollcall. -rolleyes-
sumtymes, i seriously DONT see myself geddin my ass to work everyday like, i dont even like nursing and i dont know if i am able to hang on without as much passion as some of my friends haf. haish. i really dont know and hopefully, He will help me lah. aiyoh. i mean, as what mdm tan say, i dont wanna drag myself to work everyday and give my patients a fuckin long black face just because i dont like coming to work. it wouldnt be fair. so hopefully, when i come to work,its because of a good reason. this sounds fuckin serious already.

ok, i wanna go buy food already. and i am fuckin deprived of aidil's voice lah ok. i wish he calls me tonite. like after i am back from the shop or sumthin. i so wanna hear his voice.

two more days to go,baby. i cant believe it has been 6 mths since we got to know each other. and even two months in a relationship together. HARHAR. ok, i noe, its only two months to some of you but things were fuckin screwed b4 i got to know him and life wasnt as fair to me as it is to me now. so, thank God yah. those who knows, know lah. sape yang tak tau mmg tak tau. hehe. daaaa, cite lamer. i dont wanna rake up the past and be all pussiesquashy lah ok (:

take care yahs?

♥

i think im beginning to haf womenly instincts.
like you noe, those instincts/sixth sense that mothers have? -stares-
or issit too late a realisation cause all women/girls/girlfriends has it?
hahs!

oh wells, aidil called me before i went out ydae. even thou we talked, i am confused on whether hes extendin his stay or if he isnt. -shakesheadlikedog- the thing im sure about is, if hes extendin, he wud only be in spore on the 5th of oct. so, IF he really does dat, by then, we haven seen each other for more than a month cause he left on the 29th of aug. above all that, im just glad he called me. and he told me he loves me. and hopefully, his heart is speaking. *crossesfingers*

ydae was pasirris downtown east for naj's bdae party. but i kinda got pissed off cause there were fuckin alot of people and of course, since i got to noe her from Qz, her friends are all from qz and of course, there are people which i didnt wanna see. -rolleyes- but i kept my cool cause its not really glamourous to be eye-rolling at people all the time. and also, i got pissed off also because guys were childish yesterday lah ok. in like the whole night, there were 3 fights. yes, not talk-fights but punching and kicking and bottles-everywhere kinda thing. so, yah, sometimes, guys act as if they are egoistic gods. SATU TAKLE KENE SIKIT, SATU NAK STEP MANER PEH GANGSTER. bodoh! and of course me and nana didnt wanna be part of it. so we played with tompok! wheee! shes so fuckin cute i tell you. its our chalet's adopted cat.and yah, she slept with gayahs for the night. Urghs, that bitch. *smiles* i still love you lah,gayahs.

and i met buangsueys!!!!!!!!!small world, i tell you.
kisses to faz,adi,rocky,anu,loius,wan and kai. its such a resfreshment to see you guys there! haha, tidak ku sangke. but it was all good except that i was fuckin hungry cause all i ate for the entire night was just like 2 hotdogs and a piece of a chickenwing cause i was too lazy to bbq the stufs and i didnt wanna ged greasy and all smelly. i was acting fuckin bimbotic ydae so,please spare me. and til now, i am indulgin into 1/3 of a crunchie bar and orange squash. ok, thats my brunch and i AM STILL HUNGRY.

i wanna eat rice. i.want.to.eat.rice. i.want.to.eat.nasi.padang.with.the.sambal.goreng.and.ayam.masak.merah. !!!
im salivating already lah ok.
i wish daddy was the president so we haf a chef at home and it wud save me from all the hungerpangs that i am geddin these days. haish. but then again, i would be fatter and more obese if i really haf a chef. and THAT wudnt be very nice cause it isnt very nice now either.
-rolleyes- urghs.

oh yah, to MIN, take care ok at dubai! harhar. i love you lah ok. TAKECARE.
mwahs. mwahs.mwahs. remember the 21st century tower sudah. hurshurs.

dip it low;pick it up slow;roll it all around.
i just love this song.

and today is september 11.
MY HEARTFELT CONDOLENCES TO ALL VICTIMS OF THE SEPT 11 TERRORIST ATTACKS IN THE US. <3. <3.

so, its been like what, 4 years? cause it happened in 2001. hmm, im so losing track of the time,really. haish. oh wells.

♥

woahhhhhh.
i am still fuckin tired.
got back from Qz at like 7 and then, slept through but my workaholic clinical instructor has ta call me up at like 1030 to wake me up so that i cud go all the way to hougang poly just to sign TWO pieces of documents. like, farks. i mean, of all things to wake up for lah. hais. so i went but then, it was fuckin hot and i sweared and cursed. whats up with the weather these days anyway? i mean, one minute, my legs cud be hurting because of the cold air and another minute, i cud be sweating away like a pig. haish. biler lah aku nak kurus agaknye. i haven eaten rice for like 3 days. and yah, clubbing is dancing and that means, its exercising.hmmm,rite? harhar.

oh yeah, talkin of which, ydae was farn i must say. but dj big was a dickhead as usual. i hope he chokes on the mic and dies or sumthin lah ok. urghs. ok,i shud not be mean. but what the hells. and ude was supposed to join me but didnt as usual.so he also deserves to be shot. i mean, whats up with people with their empty promises? ok, so its such a trendy thing to say like, promises are meant to be broken but i hate it. i hate it wen people promise and then break it the moment they exhale. like farks. it shows how important you are to that person really. and for him to do that, i do realised that i am not significant in his life.

hmm, im becoming more of an emopussy now,i think. its the weekends, for farkin father's sake. i really miss aidil. many haf told me to be strong. yes, to be strong i try, but sumtymes when nothing goes on for you, u cant help but just sink into your couch and cry. and i find my weekends being spent that way. all because ive been busy during the wkdays, too busy too tired to even think about him cause the only time i haf the time to think abt him is when i am asleep cause i dream about him eversince he left spore. ok, so people tell me of another person who shares the same fate or has fate worst than mine. perhaps, i will be alil more stronger. perhaps.

i feel like getting drunk tonite. and maebe desire's a good idea.but nana's asleep. hmm. and daddy has complained again about my MIA at home.

i wish he calls me tonite. i wish. its the tenth and another 15 more days. another 15 more days,baby. BUT THAT'S IF HE DOESNT WANNA BE A HERO LAH. -rolleyes-

♥

i was bloghoppin to my archives and i suddenly found myself reading sumthin i wrote about a guy named, syariff. you noe, the fuckin mysterious thing is, i dont remember ever dating a guy named syariff. and in that entry, i was feelin loveydovey and above all stars and moons and whatnots BUT i dont remember him. who the hell is this syariff?! the only syariff i noe is one of ude's friends but hes such an asshole. hmm, HOW CUD I FALL IN LOVE WIT AN ASSHOLE?! oklah, u guys tell me. who sial. oklah, whatever :)

ohs, ain's coming over and we're getting ready to go queenzing.hmmm, and tonite, ill get my FIRST legal stamp on my hand. HAHS! ok, sumthin to look forward to, i must say. ok, i jakon CAN? harhar. and yah, gayahs, u betta msg after pp k. then ill meet you! HARHAR. mwahs. i love you lah babe.

p/s: when aidil is back, i shall be a good girl k.
now, to enjoy my belated bdae celebration. daaaaaaaaa~
love,
ana.

♥

our presentation went well and i think the director lorves it.
harhars! so i AM, a happy girl.
but guess what, i am such a dickhead too. today, i had to be attached to well women's clinic and i DIDNT get to see a pap smear whereas ALL my friends did. and today too, i didnt remember to bring my logbook, admin letters and hell of alot of important stufs. HAIYOH.

BUT,again, fuckin tired today. i think all the week's fatigue has now accumulated into my system and i am now suffering for MAJOR leg cramps. -rolleyes- but nonetheless, the party still continues tonight with my highsch mates. -screams- WHHHEEE (:

and i miss aidil. i noe, whats new. HAISH.
I MISS YOU COTTONBALLS!
ok, now, to my zinger and De Amour. yessa.
a sucker for that series now.
ok, people, go suck.
HARHAR.

(:

♥

okla people, guess what?
the boyfriend called after dinner just now. and hes tryin to be hero lah ok.
the army asked him to extend his stay and he told me he's considering it. well, to me, when he considers, its a fuckin HUUUGEEEE possibility that hes gonna do it. -rolleyes- wassup with guys and their tunjuk-hero attitude aye? haish. aperlah nasib ku. aderlah orang tgh tunggu dier pat singapore cam budak bodoh. dier pat saner enjoyenjoy drivedrive. life is NOT fair, yes? suke hati kau lah, nak. kau dah besar kan kan kan?! :) but oh yes, it was v refreshin to hear his voice after like three days. so, i am a happy girl. but tmr, ive gotta work. i noe, what a contrast :(

but tmr, ill be at the treatment room for asthmatics and at 12,ill be at MRO and in the afternoon, its counselling room for me. hmm, i hope there are patients so that i just dont haf to sit there and rot like what i did this morning for like 4 hrs straight cause there werent any patients and the ONLY newborn i saw just now had her umbilical cord detached already. so not much of drama today. haish. but i like developmental assessment. where we screen 3 mths 9 mths 3 year-olds and 4 year-olds. they are fuckin cute and theres was this boy who was cryin and i was tryin to coax him but while he was cryin, he cud still managed to ask me whats wrong with my teeth. HAHS, he was refering to my braces. AND he was cute. but he cudnt stop crying. oh wells, what joy a child bring huhs. so people, MAKE BABIES OK. the govt is also giving alot of bonuses now, so make full use of it, i say. harhars. ey no no, i rephrase, make babies LEGALLY,that is. :)) i dont wanna be potraying the wrong thing on world wide web cause its oh-so-tak-glam. HARS. but like i care.

and yah, to shazzie, CHEER UP K GIRL. i dun wanna probe so, please take care. MWAHS.

and to baby, i LOVE YOU and if possible, i want you back early. word: WANT. read my lips, baby. WANT. ok?

dah, good nite everyone.

♥

irra called it her stick of death, i called it my cancerstick, fina called it her nicodick and pams called it her orgasmic erection(dont over lah girl!). whichever you prefer it to be called, i haf no complains. in fact, to us faggers, these sticks,dicks or whatever, has served us very well. to actually numb our brain wen we actualli find that its too clogged up with psychological leaks and we find that it hinders the process of our thinking.get what i mean? oh well. ok, so this is what i mean by a leak. you dont know what to do,say or type anymore. when time looks stagnant on the clock and when you think that ur heart doesnt pump. hmmm,so there.

aidil hasnt called me yet. ok, i am turnin into a very paranoid and insecured bitch. yes, yet again, my hormones are raging and even though i noe well enough that the bf is loyally servin the nation, i still haf farny ideas. ey people, does the thai army has women soldiers? he told me once that he gets turned on by women in uniform,so why not. HMM.ok, i shud shut up. well, u cant blame me. he hasnt called me since my birthday. so its now like what, three days? WHAT,THREE DAYS? aidil hasnt NOT called me for more than ONE day last time you noe? urghs. this is bad. i think i need those hormonal jabs given to menopausal women.so that mine is equivalent to those of theirs. URGHS. this . is . fucking . bad .

♥

the search is complete now. i take my bow and i thank Mommy for makin my dream come true.This is so far the BEST birthday prezzie. Cause its not superficial (:
i haf loyally waited for eighteen years and yesterdae, a day after my eighteen, my dream came true. and the sound of her voice was obviously farny cause she sound exactly like me and the way we larfed,i noe where i got it from now.haish. people,this is a sigh of relief, a sigh of happiness and a sigh of excitement. but nobody can replace mommydear. who has been there for me all these years and has been takin care of me, i love you, Mom. and i noe shes an avid reader of my blog too. HAHS! and yah, i cant wait to tell Aidil the greatest news ever. i can finally breathe. life is complete for me.

Alhamdulillah also for these is all a blessing in disguise and who wud haf tot after eighteen years, we wud reconcile. The strings of emotions that i felt yesterday were just too much and too overflowing. i cudnt believed that what i see happening in tv dramas is happening to me too. WHO SAYS TEEVEE CANT BE A REALITY? ive proven this stigma flat wrong. WE, in fact haf proven it wrong. hehs.

ok, back to my tomyam soup.
-lickslips-
everything tastes heavenly when ur happy,yes?

mwahs.
love, ana.

p/s: i miss aidil very much. Its been like 2 days since he lsat called. and im worried :(
Babydear, call me lah. insyallah.

♥

ok, daddy saed i wont be geddin my hp back cause we are not financially stable yet. so, fine lah.
dont wanna argue about it again even though i cried when daddy told me caus I WANT MY HP BACK!urghs. i am such a weakling,so shoot me. -rolleyes- i wanna asked mommy to ged back to the force so that our finances wud be like it used to. but if i do, i wont be respecting her cause shes doin what she has always wanted to do and it wouldnt be fair for her if i deprived her of what she liked at her age. so, ok, ill just grit my teeth. takde hp pun takde lah. ive lived without for months and im sure i can live thru it til. so, yahs. pape korang fone aku pat umah jelah k.
-sighs- i secretly wished that things wud be like it used to where everythin was a luxury and i dont haf to worry about cash. pfft. but things will ged better and i am sure God loves me and insya-allah, it will be better. *crossesfingers*

ok, you noe, mommy lorves the bouquet that aidil sent me. loves it so much that she took pictures with it pretending that daddy gaf her that and acting all schoolgirl. HARHAR. ok,fine. that was a classic.

oh yah, today also, i started my first day of work at hougang poly.and guess what? i was posted to the immunisation dept. and guess what again? of course, if theres immunisation, theres bound to be BABIES. HARHAR. i know, ive got my lucky stars with me.so i spent my entire afternoon assistin the nurse AND pinchin like fishballs cheeks. seriously, ive never pinched so many babies in my life. and OMG, they are so cute? like come on lah people, who doesnt like bald heads belly tummies and thunder thighs? harhar. -screams- ARHHH. but work was tiring cause we had to stand for like most of the time and my leg hurts like farks. and oh yah, there was this baby and her name is, Chanel. yes, CHANEL. -eyeswideopen- HARHAR. and her second son is Valentino i heard. and its for real lah. i cant believe it. ok, so maybe shes a taitai cause shes a filipino and she married a sporean chinese. so, life must be fuckin good for her! HARHAR.
good for you, richbitch! i saw so many kinds of people and really, im beginnin to love this profession. and go all " boy ah, you dont eat too much sweets ok. wait your teeth BO-GAY and you must run run ok. wait fat like jiejie,how?" HARHAR. sooooo loving it~. and did i mentioned i loike pinching their asses too? like the diapers advert? YESSA. people, JOIN NURSING.
hahs!

baby, i miss you like farks. call me soon cause i wanna tell you how much i appreciate the bouquet and i wanna scream I LOVE YOU into ur ears. -smiles-
I LOVE YOU BABY. alot alot alot.



oh oh yah, thanks to zyrul shazzie anting chap and anon for ur bdae loves on friendster!
MWAHS <3!
ok, so much for a dramamama.
im gonna nap now.
til laters.
love,
LUCY G.

♥

i am above all clouds all stars all moons all whatever lah ok.
wanna noe sumthin i find fuckin ironic?
right after i published my previous entry, i got a knock on my door.
and there she was standing with flowers in her hands.
and she asked " is amalina in?"
and i was fuckin shocked. am fuckin embarassed as well cause i was in my black oh-so-tak-glam nightie and right in front of me was his bestfriend,nazimah. she was with MY flowers and MY card from my precious cottonball, Aidil.

Thanks baby for the surprise! This is the nicest bdae pressie ever,really. I Thank You.
Mwahs (:

thats like fuckin sweet(ok,i jakon.tak pernah org buat gini ok!hahs!) and i pity nazimah cause she came all the way from jurong i think and i didnt even asked her in. i mean, i was in the state of total shock lah ok. but God bless her,really.
and damn, how i missed aidil even more now.
ive cried just now and i think im on the verge of cryin again cause "I Miss You" by Aaliyah is on my playlist now. -smiles-

love is a great affair, i say. i wished he called me again. i wanna talk to him. -sobs-
ok, i am gonna run to the toilet.

♥

*beams*
thanks everyone for the wellwishes, the cards and the bdae hugs!
and oh yah, to auntie mabel, thanks for the lancome,yes? i love it (:
to ude, for the company ydae. to abg also. to shaz, for the welcome banner at yishun interchange. to yaya, i am eternally grateful for ur call. we dont fight anymore ok? -hugs-

harhar. and yah, to my precious cottonball who has religiously called me everyday from thailand, but i wasnt at home to answer, I LOVE YOU. with all ive got and with all the babats i haf,really. and dont worry b, i know how to take care of myself and ive got good friends around who's always watching my back(: so, dont worry k. i love you jugak lah.

okie, its 4 in the afternoon and i just woke up. sleep distrupted by friends with bdae wishes; bdae songs as soon as i saed hello. but i am still sleepy and tonite, we're goin out for dinner!i so cant wait cause i am fuckin hungry. i am so tempted to run to kfc and grab a zinger meal or sumthin. hmmm, maebe i shud. it cud be my bdae treat for myself. *brightlightaboveheadlights*
maebe i should! YESSA.

ok bye, people. enjoy the rest of 4th september yah.
hurshurs.

♥

i hope God would take pity and sympathize with me and make time fly.
this emptyness feeling inside me is just so overwhelming.
there's no one there for me to talk to when im lonely at night. the desire to hug him is just to overbearing that i cry myself to sleep. i am such a weakling, i noe. but love does this to me, im afraid. pfft.wells, hopefully things will go my way and this relationship will last till.insyaallah.


tmr, which is afew minutes away from now, i will be one day closer to bein eighteen. and every year at this point of time, i reflect and think about her.However farny may it sound,i still wish secretly that she may just come up to me and just smile and then hug me.and often i find myself asking ; How is she after these eighteen years? Does she still remember me? Does she still remember that she had me? Does she remember that i am going to be eighteen and eighteen years has past after she did what she did. Most importantly, does she know that wherever she may be, in any part of the world, her little girl is always praying for her silently? Does she know?






Dear God,
on my eighteenth birthday, i do not want anything else except for her remembrace of me. I do not want anything more.

Much Love, Amalina.

♥

*screams*
he called me. and i miss his voice. i miss his laughter. i miss his lips. i miss his kisses, his hugs, his killer touches. i just miss *Him. poof! i was suffering from a bad hangover and he called. hahs, talk about bad timing. -rolleyes- but at least he called and i am fuckin grateful for it. just hope that the weather there wudnt be so hot cause im afraid he'll get migraine due to the growth behind his head or sumthin. so please. oh wells, i love you, baby. alot alot alot. i cant wait for you to come home. p/s : i am not countin the days so that it will pass very very fast. HEHS. mwahs!

ydae was Qz for me and nana. it was such a out-of-a-blue kinda plan. and to think we were to supposed to drown ourselves with amsterdam at eastcoast instead of Qz. the crowd was measly and as spot says, can count with my fingers one. HARHAR. but i met nina and kit there. its been like 4 mnths since we last clubbed together with the rest of the crew. harhar. and yah, how fate is farny cause we got to noe each other at queenz and became good friends after that. so kudos to Min Zaid Dilah Chris Gayahs Nurul Nana Nina Kit Mimi Cici.
Aku miss korang lah! HEHEHS!!

ok, i am really hungry. and daddy didnt leave me any money. so what do you think im gonna feed on i ask you? grass thats growing beside the carpark? like OH MY DEVILS. i am hungry and i am too tired to cook. and i am too lazy to go down to get myself some food. URGHS. why cudnt my dad be colonel or sumthin? where i haf endless supply of zinger. -shrugs- nasib kentangs dah mmg nasib pun. PATHETIC. and yes, tmr, im gg out with "the aunties" ! they are like my mother's sisters so they are kinda hip and the hop. HEHES. i cant wait! and the day after, dinner with family. *beams* i am so blessed i think. to be surrounded with family who cares. alhamdulillah. so, all is good. and i cant wait for aidil to call me sumtyme later or tmr. to wish me cause he'll be outfield on sunday thus, NO CALLS FROM HIM FRM SUN TO TUES.
:(

meetin ude for chinablack tmr and im kinda excited! ok, behave ana, behave.
but hes a nice guy. but stayin friends is still at best. ok, im gonna go hunt for food or sumthin.
take care people.
<3!