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Today's Sentosa trip with Ayn was totally, totally random. I got home a little late from last night's Mummy's bday dinner and the moment my head hit my pillows, i dozed off,only to wake up at 2am. I refused to open both my eyes,fearing that i might not be able to go back to sleep again,so i peed,with ONE eye closed/or opened, and fall right back into sleep,only to wake up again at 7am. & then, a text came in, " Nak gi sentosa?" & i replied, "Yok!!" Woah, so we reached Sentosa at approximately 9am? HAHA. we were one of the first fews. & the key to a gorgeous,golden tan, CATCH THE MORNING SUN! The sun was fantastic,so i couldnt be happier! ((:

Last night's dinner was awesome too. Twas down to Meimei Mummy Daddy & Aidil. We had seafood and i still love their oatmeal prawns! I still dont get it why people eat oatmeal prawns WITHOUT their shells?!! Hello, yang buat sedap tu is the shells,do you get it?! God. I finally bought Mummy a really pretty cardigan from Mark & Spencer's,it was pretty hefty for a cardigan but i thought it would be appropiate for her China trip but then, i only realised that it wasnt cold at all in China at this period of time! -_- She's flying off to China with Meimei soon for their Qigong trip. Yah, they are going to China to do Qigong for 3 weeks? Can you believe it? Tsk. Something that i will never,ever be able to fathom. go china do qigong? Tsk,maybe the air there is more fresher,more condusive for things like these,so alhamdulilah. I've got my chance with China in 05,so its Meimei's turn now.

Pretty much utilised my off days with a whole lot of activities which spring-cleaning is not included at all. I dont know why i hate cleaning my room. I dont just have clothes all over my floor, i have everything all over and yah, i can only see a minimal amount of flooring right now. I dont know why,but i just cant seem to do it? When i do get my inspiration ( which comes very,very randomly), i want to throw my wardrobe,my dresser. The only things i want to see in my room is my TWO large mirrors, my loyal bed and Mummy's ancient sewing machine which is so redundant and if i can throw it, i will but i wont cause Mummy say it has sentimental value. Well,Really laa. I haven cleaned my room since ages and the last time i saw it completely tidy,it was Meimei who did it for me. So i dont know. Mummy has warned me already so i better do something about it. Maybe i'll use this upcoming public holiday to clear up some stuffs, MAYBE ONLY ARH MUMMY. & i told mum that i want to buy new cupboard, she straight away say, " NO NEED WASTE OF MONEY. THE CUPBOARD WILL BE EMPTY CAUSE EVERYTHING ON THE FLOOR."

OKAYYY LAAA, i get the idea already. Soon lah,soon.

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♥ Dear God.

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It sucks to know that some people whom you used to be close to,arent close to you anymore.
Sighs, if you ask me to name them, i will come up with a whole list of names. I dont know why, but most of them, come and go. The ones who stay are a handful and somehow, it is just quite awkward to browse around the web and go like, " oh,her. we used to be close!" Rather ironic, aint it?

I just cant wait for the weekends. That's for def.

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I'm on duty now but it is pretty much settled in the ward and probably which is why, i have the time to log on and try to blog. alhamdulilah, my patients are stable except for the few callbells, im pretty much hooked on to my very comfortable designer arm chair,sipping my hot piping tea,chatting with Merly. She is such a pleasure to work with, with so much to share and so much knowledge to impart. I like working with the seniors sometimes because they make me look at different views to a predicament. I think being so long in Nursing, really moulds you to be a somewhat different person. But number one difference i truly felt was compassion & empathy. Being a nurse makes you more compassionate and empathetic,towards your patients or in fact, towards anybody at all. I feel more for strangers, you are more aware of your surroundings, you take more notice to what you should or rather could do. I'm nearing my first anniversary with Nursing and i cant help but feel accomplished. I have progressively improved from a C to a B and i want to improve further. My patients have always been the encouragement and sometimes the key motivation for me to keep coming back to ward,sick or not.

I read a recent newspaper article and the heading was, " Nice uniform,Nurses-but not with the slippers." somehow, i beg to differ. As how the saying goes, "Do not judge the book by its cover." How can you judge whether a person is a good nurse,based on whether he or she looks professional or not. Many of the doctors and consultants don clothes casually and if without their black & gold tag, you would never know that they are consultants but do the public judge them? I dont think so. So why are nurses the victims here?

When i first came into Nursing, i was told that nurses are not supposed to even listen to MP3s or have earphones stuck into their ears when they are in public. Not only that, we are not allowed to eat or drink in public. Are we not humans,to be restricted to even our basic needs?

Also, i would like to highlight, are we not humans to even have a place in the train cabin? I was caught in these incidents not once,but many times and i sometimes feel disguested with the unfair and biased treatment.

I was just after my round of night and obviously, i was completely shagged and the only thing you want to do is just to sit and close your eyes, dont you? So i was happily grateful that i got a seat in the cabin and after closing my eyes for merely 5 minutes, i was nudged by my standing neighbour. " Eh, u are a nurse right? I need a seat, i am tired. Can i? *smilesverywidely* Of course i had to stand up because the entire cabin was looking at me! So, hey, what kind of mentality is that? Of course i would definitely give up my seat for an elderly, for a pregnant woman, for anybody whom i think need a seat but i dont think its right that public think that way of us. Are we not humans? Are we not allowed a seat in public transportation? And of course, if i choose not to give up my seat, everybody will think, " ee what kind of nurse is that." believe me, that happened to me before also.

SO WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE ? Tsk. People should see beyond the clothes we wear and the image we bring forth. Image is important but how do you compare image,something visual to morals and henceforth compassion?

And please eh, many of my batch girls,including myself are definitely not nurses-looking but we bring forward excellent nursing care. SO WHAT SAY YOU?

I get a whole lot of positive feedbacks from my patients,still. so i am definitely not happy when an article pops up like this.

Judgement, stigma and stereotyping are things of the 50s, so please.

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Okay so, as you all already have an idea, i was too hyper for my own good, i went to see the dr's today. Dr Ivy gave me tranquilizers,valium and diazepam. i was told to take the diazepam first and if i still wasnt knocked off my chair, the valium should do it. And since i am still wide awake, and pretty much still veryvery hyper, i guess the diazepam didnt go through me.

I am seriously amazed at the amount of energy i have. I dont seem to feel tired, only sleepy but Dr Ivy says its abnormal because whether i feel tired or not, my body needs rest and right now, my body doesnt recognises rest at all so simply said, if i dont stop, my body will be overoverworked and i might collapsed which was why i hyperventilated yesterday. Ohhh, now i know. Syukor nothing else happened to me while i was hyperventilating,because i think Aidil doesnt know CPR or i think he doesnt even have a clue to what the hell it is.

I didnt know that hyperactivity is that abnormal. i mean, i knew it was abnormal and i seriously thought that it only occurred to children. but well, its happening to me and seriously, i suffering from hyperactivity? thats why aku suke terkinjekinje suke loncatloncat eh. Haha.

okay so the next time u guys see me very very excited, and very very jumpy, hold me down or sit on me or sumthing. OKAY I JUST YAWNED ONCE. thats a good sign, i need to sleep. surviving on 2 hrs of sleep within 48hrs isnt a joke, it is a mental torture actually. it was a frustrating and very shitty feeling you knw? :((

& oh, Dr Ivy was caring enough to ask me if i had any problems since i couldnt sleep. But alhamdulilah, i dont think i have problems too serious. so we shall see with the scheduled theraphy and medications, insyallah, everything will be fine.

I just want to sleep.

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TOLD YOUUU! but aidil die die say this photo exudes ultimate love between us. *pukes* MANER PART YANG MUKE AKU MACAM KUREKURE EXUDES LOVE? hahaha, i call this photo, TVP. (the virgin photo)HAHHAHAHA. macam soooooo virgin kan kiterrrrr?!!!like so innocent and so raw and so you know, like an untouched glass.HAHAH.

oklah, i am in a loveydovey mood, very very hyper and veryvery terkinjekinje. we went out for changi nasi lemak last night, saw this lorry tong gas TERBAKAR U KNW!! woah,dramaa or wut. and then, i swear i was so hyper,i hyperventilated cause i was tryin to teach aidil that "bintang kecil di langit yang biru. amat indah menghias angkasa, aku ingin terbang bersama mu" song but he said i was too out of tune.& we were laughing and laughing and laughin and i was so sweaty and ugly and i was without makeup and my hair was everywhere and everybody saw me and i swear i was so burok. so yah,whatever eh aidil, i am a fantastic singer & i know it.
anyway, i should be getting ready for our tupperware party over at naj's! hahaha. actually its just a reason or an excuse to meet the girls! i think i am gonna be late. til later bbs!

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I am so lerthagic. I feel like a walking zombie. Enough is enough. I dont even know how to blog about it. Dahlah. *breathe in & out *

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I think i am physically and mentally tired. Officially, it was my second night yesterday, and upon reaching the ward at promptly 8.30pm, my heart felt so so heavy. I walked past the few rooms and yeah, i was reminded that just recently, we lost 2 of our healthy patients. within a span of a few days i think. They wasnt catergorized as DIL or anything, they were just healthy. It made me really realise how really fragile life is? What the fuck is the mofucken bug sials. You fucken bug bugger. I mean, i cant deny but it dampens all of us. I feel that the ward is more quieter now, more sullen and you know, just down. We have handled a whole lot of deaths before within a short period of time and in Haemato, after the transplants and what not, it is either the patient will make it or not, and somehow you will know and you will be prepared you see, but in these cases, i guess we are all not prepared to lose H & O just like that.


Yesterday, i was nursing Rm 11 in Rm30 alone and i was made to station myself there so i could have a watchful eye over 11/2. I think he is adorable but it is just too bad i cant converse in Cantonese. Ader aku berbual hokkien dgn member, member ketawekan aku. babiiii. & i think i am very proud of myself. I am a little more brave to do a whole lot of things alone,compared to my first round of night. Alhamdulilah. There was a couple of times when i think i heard noises and my hair just zeng-ed up and i was so freaked out but i think it was all part of my paranoia. Aku tutop mater and bacer doa sooooo many times. God! Masyallah, jangan la. Yah, i very penakot one. I was nursing Hanes yday and didnt notice that Elaine was behind me, when i turned and saw her, teros lemah semangat siol. like sooooo terperanjat like that. TskTsk.


Anyway, i just read Izyan's blog. I think its true you know. Whats all the faeces and blood compared to death? Sighs. I think its therapeutic to wipe my patient's asses. I think la! Like, i am a perfectionist when it comes to diaper-changing and i will clean and clean and clean and use as many wipes and i will really apply all those creams,kalau patient takde cream pun aku amik Nivea sapu pat pantat dorang. I think i like. I dont know but yeah, its not that bad actually and then, i will feel so good when the patient tells me they feel better after they are cleaned and i feel good abt myself too. like of course la, kau boleh tido dengan taik stuck on ur ass?!! GOD. & then i will make sure,there will be no creases on the drawsheet and there was a time, Peng Huat was changing diapers with me, hahahahhaha! DIER KENE MARAH DGN AKU. cause i was tryin to tell him to pull the blardy drawsheet so takde creases,member tak paham! so aku geram and said, " HAIYAHH PENG HUAT!!!!!" kesian dier. but after that, i apologized to him la. dier baik la actually. Im very tempted to find him a girlfriend leh. I think he's nice and aku kesiankan dier because he is always bullied loh, so sighs.


Anyway, i hope we all cheer up and dont let this bring us down. We all have our 20 plus plus more patients counting on us. So to my girls, grrrrab my arm if u must, but just smile. It will be better, insyallah.

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Night shift's over for now!

Enjoy the video! (:

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