♥

Bb & I fought yesterday,and it was the first time in manymany months that i actually felt really sour and i didnt want to do anything at all about it. Like, if it is really going to end, let it fucking end. So, i decide to just sleep on it.

Approximately 2 minutes after i shut my eyes, and adjust my body,

a text came in. " i outside yr house."

WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME LORRRR.

SYABASSS BABYYY!

how i wish he would spring me surprises each and everytime we fight! like ive said eh, aidil DO NOT pamper me at all. so when things like this happens, its like you witnessing an eclipse. GITU LOH. only that it felt more special because we went to have Macdees for supper. Suspect kuat member tgh lapar and nobody nak layankan dier lorh. so die-die kene carik girlfriend. HAHA.

den we sang Its Gonna Be Me!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,AT THE WALKWAYYYY!!! LIKE MAD DRUNKKKK PEOPLEEEE. hahahahhaha. Yah, that N Sync song! Dont you guys just loveeeee that songgg? Wasnt that songg sooo hip and the hop during our secondary school days? If i can remember correctly and again, if my memory doesnt fail me, i was like 14? HAHAH. KIMAKKK BAIK PERRR LAGU.

Im such a sucker for boybands la. baik dulu,baik sekarang. GOD. and i have always believed that Justin wasnt as famous now as he was when he was performing with the group. URGHURGH. His songs nowadays are a little too gay,personally.

Ehhhh tml, we start fasting. ARE YOU READY READY READY READY READY READY?
Niari macam nak pegi Ba-Alwi. I grew up,only going to that mosque and somehow i got a pretty good impression of it. It's in Stephen Road,now dont ask me why my family always goes there okay,its just homely and nice. The best part of it, after each teraweh session, all the kids will get a cone of ice cream! REALLYYY TAK BEDEK. So when i was younger, i believe that,THAT was the root of my motivation to go pray terawih lor. Haha.

Ive always contemplated about gg for terawih these few years,busy lah,ni lah.The last time i went was 4 years ago,i think and i cried after it was done, because it was just so solemn and SAD LORRR. goodness.

We shall see lah. Insyallah k. I need to sleep and i really think i am not going to meet Mummy or Aidil later. I NEED TO SLEEP. god. WORK WAS TIRING,REALLY TIRING.

♥

I wish i didnt have work today. I feel like uploading all my photos into Photowhore so that they will be kept safe and warm.

So we went for Ikha's 21st bash last night. Only the two of us went since the others had other more important appointments. We represented Aisya,Syasya, Ayn & Yaya. & the funny thing about last night was.. WE FUCKING GAMBLED!!! Haha. we didnt have Ikha's new hp number,so there wasnt ANY way at all to contact her. The only information i had was a memory of a msn convo that Ikha & I had THREE months ago so,i was praying sooo hard that my brain didnt fail me.

Haha,walked and walked and walked and i so feel like screaming when i saw the signboard telling us that Terrace 4 DOES exist!! so that means, i remembered correctly. & oh my goodness, the chalet was fucking HEEEEEEWUGE! Kinda scary also cause it was damn,damn fucking big.

So we quickly made our way to the terrace,and boy oh boy was zulaikha nasir shocked to see us! Im sure she thought that we couldnt make it! HAHAHAHA. The food was good, the bbq was really fantastic. Kimak Ikha menang lorrrr, 21st birthday dah macam orang kawin siakkkk,complete with caterers and all. Goodness. But yeah, we know Ikha, she wouldnt do it lesser. Lols.

& anyway, I can proudly say that i only spotted THREE guys at her chalet and all three left at like 9? So i can safely say by 10pm, IT WAS ALL GIRLS!!!!! Goodness. Ive never been in such an enclosed place with that many girlssss lorr! All her soccer mates and butch/lesbian friends who i must say are cute lah. But once you realise that they are girls,den you just smile lorrr and dont look back. Hee. But yah, Ira & I suddenly felt so,so,so girly!!!

Before the cake-cutting ceremony( the cake is of course HEEEWUGEEEEEEEE.biasa la,kater zulaikha nasir kan.), we presented her with our hand made gift made with all our heart! SHE WAS SHOCKED AND MAYBE EMBARESSED but you knowwww...alah ikha, i know you like it la kan. Babi kau,step malu. BENCI LORRR.

FUCKING DELICIOUS KAN THE CAKE!!! LOOK AT HOW IT OOZES!!!

*drools*

& oh,Aidil & i haven had a decent conversation for TWO FUCKING DAYS!!!! I WANT TO COMPLAINNN!!!! Kimak. STOP IT EH AIDILHASWIN BIN HASSAN!! I DEMAND THAT YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OKAY. blardyyyy hells. but you know how hard we fuss and fight, bb loves me more than i love him. i shall focus on that fact now just to distract myself because kalau ikotkan hati, aku nak amik mc, and go and gegar his room, force him to wake up and demand again that he brings me out. KALAU IKOTKAN HATI LA, kalau ikotkan otak,tak payah suaaaaaaaaa. Gi keje carik duit lagik bagos!! PFFT.

♥

Let's get down to business. 5 days to me turning 21.

I want to take this time to reflect upon the past year and if u are an avid reader, you would know that i dont count January the 1st as the new year,i personally consider September the 4th to be the new year for me. I share the same birth date as the very hot sexy tempted to touch, Beyonce Knowles, and the even more sekkier Dan Miller from the already disbanded band,
O-town. Hee,just a little fun fact! (:

As usual, i dont feel like i am going to turn 21 right now,because everything else feels the same, Probably the only significant and worth mentioning difference is my career status. This year, i can proudly say that I am a 21 year old girlnotyetawoman who already has a career. Sounds serious? You bet lor!

Turning 21 is usually a turn around time when people mellow down,get a little more serious with life, think about what they want to do with their lives, who they want to be with, how you are going to plan for your retirement, maybe read a few catalouges and invest in a few insurances,just in case. Like any other Singaporean, i am going to be kiasu at 21.

I am going to make myself invest in insurances, not short term definitely. Im looking at a probably 25 year plan,i am looking at how i am going to further upgrade myself, which direction i should at in terms of being a nurse,being a daughter, a sister and a girlfriend.

Turning 21 also wouldnt mean anything if i dont have my parents with me,whom have painstakingly brought me up,tolerated my shit, and still believed and kept their faith in me. I want my 21st birthday to be meaningful,fulfulling and life-enriching.

It also means, i will drop all alcohol desires,and be a little more responsible at home towards my family. These 2 issues are issues that are extremely important to me right now and i think it is HIGH time for me to sit down to mellow my nerves.

I have been contemplating on these for many many months and i cant afford to comtemplate anymore. Maybe to others, turning 21 means i will be given freedom of speech AND actions but come to think of it, being the fantastic parents that they already are, i was given the key to freedom a long time ago. Busted their trust a few times and i know they are just waiting for me to get back on track.

Also maybe to others, turning 21 means having a high end party at some posh club, complete with booze, and a few hundred people dancing to addictive song. But i've already thought about it long and hard, I dont want to turn 21 that way.

I just need my family and my friends. That should and will keep me content.
Like i have always say, with wonderful family and friends and such a cute boyfriend,
what more do i need to grow into a more beautiful woman.

♥

This is me,when i was like younger.

I still have the same face,dont i?

I know,damn cute lorrrrr.

Butter Thosai, Indian Rojak, Keema & Pratas!

Ohhhhh, what a fantastic Thursday!

Supposed to be at work at 7 am in the fucking morning, but woke up only at 7.10am, convieniently chucked my phone away under my pillow after fiza's 2nd attempt at trying to wake me up, ONLY realising it hard and dry,that i was indeed on morning shift this morning so i scurried across my room, ran like a mad dog to the toilet, washed up in 15minutes flat, made myself up(jangan tanye eh asal aku dah lambat masih nak kene pakai makeup eh.kiwak pls ok.), and rushed out ONLY to realise that it was raining cats and dogs!

WOAH SIBEI KANCHIONG LOR. So, when i was walking under the walkway, i was already deciding whether i should just give in to temptations,put out my flabby arms and hail for a cab?But i decided not to. But just when i told myself that i should save up and be a little more thrifty, i heard the thunder-ation lor lor lor! WOAH MACAM TAU AJE. So aper lagi, made a detour, and of course gave in to temptations. WHICH made me regret because, instead of paying the usual 7bucks to work, i have to pay ELEH-FUCKING-VEN dollars to the apek! KIWAKKK.

Sumpah tak ikhlas but i did asked him to keep the change since he was the ONLY cab driver who swerved from the third lane to the first,just to pick me up. It must be my nearly see through uniform and wet legs. HAHAHAHAHAH.

KAY UNCLE WA KASI LU UP SIKIT ARH, ITU NAM POSEN LU AMIK.

bwahahaha. eh 60 cents pun duit aperrr,

boleh beli dua watermelon tau pat housemen!

OHHH SIDETRACK ABIT.

goodness, yesterday, Fiza Izzaidah and I had dinner break at Housemen's Canteen for the first time in 4 months and we had our personal favourite!! SEAFOOD RAMEN!!! KIWAKKK. I think ive ever mentioned this before! If u all go to SGH and want to really have good tomyam soup, please go to the housemen's canteen! KIMAK STEAMMM GILER TAU SOUP DIER! I have always loved the soup,and i will always will! ((:

Haha.k end of sidetrack,back to my wetlegs story.

So, i was cursing and swearing at the driver because he was a fucking bad,bad driver. But i pitied him,part of me macam nak jitak kepale botak dier,but part of me wanted to like you know be more sympathetic! I think he is really old,that he is balding and he was smiling all the way lor! I have such a soft spot for old-looking always smiling apeks okay. MACAM NAK NANGIS! but he was just driving too slowly!!!! Aku sempat,ikat rambut, pakai kasot, setting muker,adjust fringe, spray perfume, makan one piece of bread and daydream and STILL HAVEN REACH LORRRR. goodness. Tapi like ive said, pasal dier cute dan old, aku kasi chan! hurhurhur.

So when i reached the ward, the ward macam dilanda todak! Macam a massive hurricane just passed our ward! Everything was everywhere, and the first thing/people i looked for were my students! I somehow got worried about them in the cab, thinking if they could managed but when i reached, they were all doing their work,which is good. Everything was in the process, and they were pretty happy to see me,and of course, i just smiled very cheekily and nodded in my most manja face and just said, " yahhh overslept la. HEEEHEEE." kiwak tak boleh angkat.

but work today was great. Had a fantastic breakfast,managed to finish everything b4 1030am, had a good passover since there wasnt any bitches around. Bitching will be done in the next entry because i am in a fucking good mood now and talking about bitches and hoes,arent that important and for def,they arent really that significant in my life. They are like pests tau. Not important,but if u dont get rid of them,they will do you dirt.

GITU LA ORANG ORANG GINI. menyampah lor. *rollseyesmanymany*

Initially, i had real good plans after work,which was to head down to FF,to freeze my membership for Ramadhan and to go back to A&E for the ward farewell party! But while i was passing over shift, Ira called, on the verge of tears. Tsktsk,kesian la kan, orang sedang bercinta. Takkan i nak leave my friend crying on her own and leave her in the lurch kan,so pasal aku sayang dan kesiankan kau, I decide to somehow forgo the party, which i think should be super happening!! But takpe.

So met up with Ira in front of FF, managed to get her to bawl her eyes out right at the entrance of FF,went in, did the paperwork,wandered around the Hub, finally had my Bubor Hitam,which wasnt that excellent and then, decide to head to Mustafa to get a few things for Ikha's gift! Which is a secret and even though technically, she has already turned 21 as from 25minutes ago, I STILL WONT TELL YOU GUYS LOR but it is sumthing in my favourite colours, BLACK AND HOT PINK!

After developing our loveforeverandever photos, we went to CMK to have our buttered Naans and keema! BUT DONT HAVE LEH!!! wahlao. End up,i had prata with keema lorrr. PATHETIC KAN!!But okay,then this gatal thought that since we are not havin naans we should have something else to compensate ourselves(more like manjakan diri lorrr) and we had Indian Rojak. THANK GOD it was okay! The gravy was just nice,not too spicy,not too sweet and just enough of peanuts! Have you guys tasted the one at Harbourfront Hawker Ctr???? KIMAK tu kuar macam dah basi and then when Iqbal went to ask if it is still okay, the person can jolly well tell him that it has always been like that. Ishk! Tak sangke eh, it HAS ALWAYS BEEN that bad. goodness.

Pheww, after all that scurry, Ira & I went back to my place. The supposed plan was to finish up Project X for Ikha's 21st but we ended up lying around in my bed,and then i started to take out a few of my old diaries and got amazed by what we found!

We found many many many old photos of my secondary life, slenge bacin kontot peh gambar! Gambar ayn skirt panjang pun ader! OMG LAAA. Hahah. Tu classic, everybody fucking slenge you know. The socks high high, skirt high high. I have every intention to let you guys see the obscene photos la,but i decide nolah, kimakkk ayn's skirt is really that long lorr,confirm kene maki kalau i put it out. Haha. but well, we also reread all the letters that my girlfriends used to write to me,like we used to write letters to each other when we are havin free lessons or what since all of us came from different classes, stepping penpal la konon and OH MY GOODNESS, macam memori daun pisang okay.

I think ive written a whole lot of things! Sorry eh,didnt mean it to be this way. But i shall make it better and let you all see the photos k! ((((: JANGAN TERKEJOT OKAY. Thanks.KWANGKWANG.

Class Photos, MLDDS Photos with Cikgu Jam.

Its Me, Yaya with the Tudung,Aisya,Ira in the middle & Syasya.

I think we were all 13 only!!

First Row; Amylia, Me, Yazid & Hafiz

Sitting: Ira, Ayn,Aisha & Cikgu Jam!!!!!

This is the letter,from Aisya. Dated, 24th April 2003 lor!!!!!!!!

Kimakkkk lima tahun eh aku simpan ni surat. Kenangan!!!!!!

Gorgeous ABISSSSSSSSS kan ayn & I. HAHAHHA.

THIS ONE IS CLASSIC ONE!!! tt time zaman bboy & bgirl, we thought that we also wanna be trendy lor, so we made up a group name for ourselves!!!

We are called

"Swellahead Crewz"

k. Z tu mesti ader eh. classic!

This is to show you how fucking strict Zhonghua was with us k. Standard uh,skola cine, so part melayu cam kiter,seme kene strict! SKIRT LONGLONG SOCKS HIGH HIGH~ Ohh, dont think i was spared lorr, the only reason why u cannot see how high my socks are and how long my skirt is,is because i am behind them. Kalau tidak...KITA SERUPAAAAA!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.Adorable lahhh hor. No wonder last time we used to attract dakdak St Gabs.

This one is Ira & I!!!! HAHAHHAHAHA.

Yah,last time center parting hair damn in lorrrrr.

YAH I KNOW ITS LAST TIME OKAY. CUT ME SOME SLACK K. Hahahah.

I think i looked too terrible that i ripped off my photo off this page a few years ago!!So that explain the caption "Me!" without any photos at the top of it. HAHAHAH. We were only 15 then. Now, Ikha already 21,and the rest of us already gg to turn or turn already lorrrr. Kiwakkkkk. Old school eh!!

ADORABLE KAN KITER!!! Haha. Ira and I cudnt help but burst out loud laughing our asses off after looking at those photos and reading those letters! Yup, it has been 8 years since we first met each other,still together. Somehow your first few friends will always remain with you throughout,dont they? Sighs, best nyerrrrr.We were so tighttttt. & I am just glad that i didnt throw away any of those diaries,letters and photos! Looking at all our photos make me want to have another slumber party!!!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOODNESS,

LETS DOOOO IT MAN!!!

♥

Rovers lost, 0-4 in total. What a dickhead! There were so many near misses and i hate it, i jumped out of my seat a couple of times and it DOES bother me that Rovers do NOT have cheerleaders cheering them just now. IT SO IS AN EYESORE LORRR. Where,where,where?! Goodness. Ira and I felt so obliged to go to the person and cheekily asked where were all their cheerleaders while twirling our hair! GOD. The best part of the match was, i shouted and screamed and cursed many times,together with the pakciks who make me look and sound like an amateur-vulgar-er.

"BALIK KITA HANTAM SAMA TU RARE-FREEEE!HANTAMMMMM!!"

"PUNNDEKZ PUNYA RARE-FREEEE!!!!!"

PUKAYYWAK. aku raser kalau boleh turun padang,rollingrolling makimaki,

i think they'd up for it. & i forgot. Today was my first day back into 72,but THAT, i will talk about..tomorrow. I is penat ok. Penat tekak,and penat perot tey.

Shazila is soooo rabak lah,pasal dia lah,aku tersangkut lagu Fire.

woooooooo~...fireeee!

xoxo.

♥

Haha. The craziest thing was, some papasan called us,waved,smiled and shouted,

" YOU WANT BOY? YOU WANT BOY? CHEAP ONLY 40 DOLLARS!"

HAHAHHAHAHAHHA. kiwak. i walked away,blushing lor! OH MY GOODNESS.

I was freaking blushing,because the thought of it was funny and at the same time, it truly sounded vulgar!! HAHAHAHA. But i wish they had them boys lining up along the roads. You know just to see whether they are worthy? BWAHAHAHAHAHA.I mean, i know gigolos do exist because theres such a thing as, "kalau pompan boleh buat,takkan lakilaki tak leh."

BUT 'YOU WANT BOY YOU WANT BOY CHEAP ONLY 40 DOLLARS' SOUNDS SO FREAKING WRONG.

I really sincerely do want to upload the whole lot of photos,but Im watching SAF Vs Rovers this evening! I cant wait to " turrrnnnn up the radioooo and listen to the news! cause we gonna win and you gonna lose,so back,back,back to your seat cause we gonna win and you gonna lose!!!!!"

Supposed to meet Ira and Daya at half way round the country,in 30 mins,BUT..you know la eh...

hehhehehe.

But i think its gonna be a tough match. Im rooting for the SAF,but you know how Rovers always manage to conquer the field. WE SHALL SEEE~

♥

Hellooooooo everybody, it is a Sunday today!!! Oh my goodness!! Waittt,first things first. My sores are finally dissolved and currently, i only have to deal with my phlegm and very runny nose! I feel much,much better and less lerthagic,thank god! I promise that i will take good care of myself,even though i have no idea where the bugs and viruses came from the other time. Phewwww. Thank you for the well wishes, love,care and concern! ((:

And since i got a little better, i decide to step out of the house,after self-quarantining myself for a week! I cant believe that other than the short trips to Sheng Siong, meeting Bb at my lobby for dinner, meeting Ayn for smokes, i have NOT been anywhere further than that for a fucking week. & oh yeah, other than dragging my two lazy fat legs to the A&E also.

So we decide to have a pyjama party last night! Haha. We actually went to La Mode Hotel, WHICH IS VERY SUCKY AND WE AGREED THAT THE NEXT TIME WE ARE GONNA HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT, WE ARE GOING FAR FARRRR FARRRR AWAY FROM THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT.

goodness gracious,but other than the sucky location, everything else was near perfect! Of course, i have a whole lot of photos to upload and stick it up bloominmiracle,but since i just got home and am quite feeling drowsy from all the fun and frenzy, i will allow myself to rest and curl up in between my sheets like a fat big tiger prawn and sleep my afternoon away because,i will be meeting BB later!! This also i cant wait.

AND AND OH MY. I actually thought that i should not blog about it but since it is my personal space and i have the right to talk about everything under the sun, i will. Here it goes lorrr.

.........................

Since forever,i always have issues with people with issues like this. Aku sumpah tak paham lor! Can somebody just explain to me? Just a few days ago biler aku jumpe kau, kau cakap kau malas nak layan X. Kau nampak dier pat club pun macam weird,and you find her hypocritical that shes always gg clubbing now pasal dulu kalau kiter ajak,dier slalu tak suke,and sekarang dah macam a very frequent clubber la(to me, its quite alright because maybe she really finds it fun and really lor,simply put,its her life what,dier peh pasal la kalau dier nak gi clubbing every week kan?dier happy dan bangge sua la kan?),and you yourself find it a problem and bla bla bla bla la,banyak lagi la kau bilang aku. THEN HOR, WOAHLAOWEI, the best part of all the parts hor, CHECK CHECK KAN,you went clubbing with her you know!Memang bagos kalau kiter nak start afresh with somebody,let whats past be the past,SOOOOOO I dont know whats your motive in trying to tell me all the negativity about X,because frankly it doesnt matter anymore since X & I have long decided to have separate lives but the thing is, aku find it hypocritical that YOU are doing the hypocrisy now,with me. and ABOUT HER SUMMORE. and you do it when u appear to be in good terms with her. & the part which i hate the most is, you lied to my fucking face,through your fake lashes siak.Hmph. So what do you think eh?

Im seriously puzzled and quite pissed actually. Hurt maybe a little. But hello lor? I mean, am i gonna lose a good friend again? Tsk. Yeah,ive said it here, shes a good friend of mine. I am no angel but when things like these happen, aku raser disgusted and quite hurtful. At least, i dont bother X's life and she doesnt bother mine. We are good that way,but you? Tak tau lah.

Oh wells. oh wells. I need to wash up and go get some sleep. I cant wait for my date later! Bb,i miss youuu sooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

♥

Got sick, still sick and just sick lor.

Hmph. With a diagnosis like mine, i feel like i am already dying,like it is very terrible,having to fight with the disease every night when it comes. I have breathless attacks now. Makes me wheeze and cough every single night before i sleep. My chest feels so tight and i get cold sweats from just coughing. Frankly, i do not think that it is just as simple as a viral attack.

Its already so terrible for me to just be suffering from just this, what about my patients,or others who have more serious illnesses eh? It must be a hundred million times more terrible for them. Woah,kesian seh. terrible u knw kalau sakit.sigh,sighs.Goodness. Ohhhh God.

My leave ends tonight,but how like this? Shit man. If i go to the dr tomorrow, confirm kene dudok pat observation ward at a&e. Im sure they wont let me off the 2nd time since i refused admission the last time. Tsk.

♥

Chicken Porridge has never tasted this good! Am currently devouring on the porridge that mummy has painstakingly bought for me and yah, thats why people always say, when you do it out of love, it taste even more yummy! Hee. Thankyou mummy,i dont always say it but please,please know that to me, you are the world's greatest mummy! ((: and i love youuuu.

But really lah,on normal days, i dont even give Chicken Porridge a second glare,but right now,its like the world's best thing to have when you are all wrinkly and sick. Okay, lets move on and talk about more happier issues. I know its pathetic listening to me whine and whine about being sick,but being sick make you resign to whining and whining like a fucking baby.

So, hmph, these few days, i have been curling up between my comforter, taking sips of water and just sleeping the day away. When i wake up or when i feel a little better, i will be in front of the computer, watching yet another korean sinetron, Delightful Girl Chung Hyang. Crunchyroll really is the most amazing website because it never fails to cheer me up! It is again,about these two teenagers, Chung Hyang and Mong Ryong,who are caught in a very sticky situation and are forced to marry! Woohhheee,i like! I like how traditional these koreans are, i love their costumes,i love the way they talk with an almost vulgar accent. But of course, nothing is ever vulgar in shows like these. Quite homely and warm to the heart. It makes you want to smile,sip on your milo and curl up some more.

Baby & I fought a few days ago and usually, what may seem like a ship wreck to the both of us when we spew vulgarities across the line, will end up being sweet and fuckingly satisfying. Only that, up til now, both of us are like parallel lines,cause we can never meet at the end,meaning, we dont usually have the same mindsets and views and frankly, to me, thats the most unique thing about the both of us.

We are both alike,like parallel lines, both strong-headed and very technical,yet we can never,never,ever meet, but we do it quite alright as a duo. He is the patient one,always the one who is calm and settled on the other line. Whereas, i am the dragon,i fire fire fire fire and dont shut up and then,when the fuel is all gone, ill be quite alright. I am the logical one, always quite convinced that everything and anything works around logic and if u cant have a scientific explanation to whats happening,you lose because your point is very irrelevant and not quite neccessary,which means, you should shut up and just listen to me scream my head off. Whereas, he is the direct opposite.

But well, we complement each other very well,only that we let our alter egos get in the way sometimes. But i love his ways because he always tries his best to calm me down, talk sense into me and just shove a cucumber into my mouth so i could just fuck and shut up. He always knows how to make me feel better,about myself,sometimes if i feel like it is a sincere comment, i will shut up and smile but when i dont feel like it is a sincere comment,the fight just go on and on.

and yah, both of us are over the phase where we are still finding ways to improve our relationship,because we know,it will get better over the years,when we have spent enough time with each other, which means to say, we will not be getting married soon. Haha! I was quite pleased to know that marriage is somewhere in some corners of his heart,but i think i am not that ready for the big M,well,neither is he. So we are just going to date,date and date and act as if we have just fallen in love for the first time.

Like he say, "tak tau nak masak,tak tau nak kemas rumah,dah nak gatal nak kawin.."

EH WAH LAWAAAA. tapi takpe.

MEMANG aku tak tau,

tapi you know you love me bb,

ayam masak merah or not.

♥

My sores got worst overnight,after developing fairly high fever last night so when i came to work just now,i looked nothing like a nurse. My nose was dripping, my voice was as coarse as sandpaper and my mouth looks like a few hundred bees just stung it.

And when i minding my own business at 7 freaking morning just now, Sister Chan shoo-ed me away to the A&E,again! This is my 3rd doctor visit in a week! So i was pretty much pissed about it. I came to work because Dr Ivy didnt give me any sick leaves as i was still feeling okay a few days back. But today, i felt weak and very lerthagic. Other than nursing my sores, i have to nurse my blardy nose throat and blardy mouth. Simply said, my whole head is haywire.

The A&E Dr reassured me that it will dissolve in a matter of days,with all of my medication and rest. Thats the problem with all viral diagnoses,it just suck up all of your energy and really just drain you out.Again, i am on sick leave and for the first time, i have to isolate myself from the rest of you guys. After collecting my medication,i was feeling quite down and out,because i have been sick for the longest time already!

Made my way home and just to lift my mood a little bit, i bought a roll of french loaf. I thought that i could make Roti John with the bread and then since i think we have leafover meat in the freezer. BUT, plan kacau uh!

I was walking along the river,under the walkway as usual,and i peeked over the railing and was overwhelmed but the number of fishes!! I think roughly around a few thousand of them at least! Like my whole river is infested with all of these funny looking fishes and yah, of course,i pinched a little piece off my bread, and threw it across. Soon, it became like an obssession. I began to pinch more and more and trying to throw the bread further and further away. I know i was smiling throughout cause it was quite fun to see all the fishes 'fight' over your bread and yah, soon after that, my whole loaf was gone! Haha.

I didnt manage to feed one mouth,which is my own but at least i managed to feed a few hundred fishes! Alhamdulilah. And i instantly felt better. You know what i feel like doing also? I feel like taking my Holga out today,sit around the river, and look at how all the grandfather and grandchildren attempt to fish in the river. It is such a homely sight i tell you. Like there will be 3 generations and then,their grandchildren will be as young as maybe 3-4 years old,all throwing bread in the river to feed the fishes. What a pretty sight.

Probably head down after i am feeling less drowsy.

& oh, just to let you guys know so you guys wont outcast me, Herpes Simplex Virus is NOT an STD ok! Wahlao. I cant believe how many of my nurses friends raised their eyebrows when i told them not to come near me because i might have Herpes. Hello? WHICH ENCYCLOPAEDIA TOLD YOU ALL THAT ONE ARH?!! They say, " Huh? Herpes as in the STD one arh?" WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

Aiyohhh please lorrr. Buat malu aje jadi staff nurse,kalau herpes pun tak tau. Yah,i know it sound a little scary but it is not,its just painful and really irritating.

& i am sorry for the lack of photos. Daddy rebooted the entire computer and all my photos are gone!!!!! URGHURGHURGH. Menyesal i didnt upload all of them to my multiply!!! Goodness.

& the first photo obviously do not showcase how terrible i look right now.because i think i look quite healthy,red and very fat in that photo.

Now, i am like a sickly old woman,limping and sniffing.
GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

♥

WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING FOOD SIAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KIWAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

I FUCKING WAITED FOR 4 HOURS BEFORE I COULD ORDER AND I HAD TO WAIT FOR ONE HOUR BEFORE IT REACHES AND NOW IT IS MORE THAN ONE HOUR EH!!!! GERAMMMMM SIAKKKKKKKKK. MY COLLEAGUE IS CURRENTLY DEVOURING ON HER HOMECOOKED DUCK RICE,WHICH SEEMS LIKE ITS OVERWHELMING TIL IT LOOKS TOO MUCH FOR THE FUCKING BOWL.

BOTTTOMLINE, I AM HUNGRY AND I AM PISSED AND I HATE IT WHEN BB THINKS HES BEING A GOOD BOYFRIEND BUT I BEG TO DIFFER. OKAY SUCKY EH BB.
S U C K Y .

♥

I dont know lah, i always have issues about trusting men,in general. What you do, what you say,how you say it, how you do it,wont make me bring my guard down. I dont know what the hell am i protecting,maybe myself,but truly, i hate it that i feel this way.Aidil always trusts me,always let me handle my own situation, let me have my girly time with my girls WITHOUT breathing down my neck,and of course i appreciate it a whole lot when he does that. I also like the fact that he doesnt ask me who am i out with even though, when i am out,i am NOT gallivanting.

& just recently, he said that i should be more sopan! I should learn how to cook,clean up the house, take more responsibilities in the house and more specifically, i should learn how to shut my trap when i have to and i have to be less vulgar and crude. Senang cakap, dier nak aku jadi pompan sikit. Hmph, am i the one girl having these issues? Goodness. I have been vulgar for as long as i remember,until i myself am not conscious about it at all,like it has become my way of speaking,my way of expressing my feelings,just a way of my life. And of course, i was quite taken aback when he told me he wants me to be more sopan and more respectful towards him,because he is the first boyfriend who thought that i was too vulgar and totally unlady-like.

To me, THAT IS A FUCKING ISSUE EH. He doesnt know how much pressure i have when he talks about me being a good wife to him,as my husband (more like my dictator!) in the future. Tsk. He always tells me that he wants to give up on this relationship just because i am too argumentative and i always dont just shut up,cause i go on and on and on. But hello? I gave him a piece of my mind just now,because i feel like he is asking me to be become his "perfect" woman. Like, he has this idea about perfection and he wants me to be it,and aku stressed! God's sake lor, I am only turning 21. When i was 19, i told myself that i will only get married in 10years. So what the fuck.

And i think he doesnt know that i broke up with my exboyfriend the moment he got a little touchy about getting married and getting serious. take it or leave it man, just dont talk to me about being that way.

Like a few months ago, i was babysitting Mika and i told him that it was tough getting Mika to sleep and she was screaming and crying into my ears at 2am in the fucking morning and do you know what my dearest boyfriend cleverly said? " Eh cam maner you nak jage anak kiter in the the future? you cannot even handle mika seh." WOAH!!!! Aku peh marah. I believe that NONE of us are born mothers lor! You dont just come out of your fucking mother's pussy and have motherly instinct what! IDIOT SIAKK. I mean, when the time comes, when you already fucking impregnated me with OUR kid, and then,when i give birth already, THEN i will know how to handle my own kid kan?

Even when i already give birth, the knowledge just doesnt come to me together with the baby like a package lor! Before giving birth, Moms to be will go for classes to further equip themselves and to just have an idea about how labour is going to be like. But until the real deal, you dont know how a fucking baby head can possibly come out of your fuckin pussy!

URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Macam sialll siak. He doesnt know that by saying that, its a whole heap of pressure. and of course i feel so hurt! Like as if i am the most useless girl on Earth.

I just put down the phone with him,after arguing about our trust issues,about why the fuck cant i just trust him and let him go out alone. Well, i am just scared about being lied to. I hate the feeling,and i dont ever want to feel that way anymore. I told myself that when i let my guard down and my guard failed me that very day.

So please, as much as i love you, dont make me feel like i am useless and not worthy. Because aside from all my flaws and shortcomings, i know i am worth much more than everything you have ever done for me, that i am worth all your tears and pain,because i am me, and i have fucking loved you and sat there by your side when every single one in your life turned their backs and left.

Most importantly, i was there by your side even when you turned your back on me. So baby, please start to stop and stare at me. I am telling you, i am worth it.

♥

I came to work this morning,only to be whisked off to the staff clinic, again! Nope,this time it aint about my sprained ankle. It is the cold sores i have around my lip area,that my sister was worried about.

So being the cautious person that she is,she shooed me to the clinic again! Thankfully, it wasnt herpes or anything infectious. I was prescribed antibiotics and advised to keep minimal patient contact til the results come out,which is on Monday. I've eaten my antibiotics, anti-inflammatory and my painkillers,right after my heavy yongtaufoo breakfast and i feel so,so heavy right now. My head feels like somebody's banging onto it,i feel truly drowsy.

I am in the MO's room,waiting for the photoshoot to be over and done with. They are setting up the place and re-directing people,where to stand,what to say,how to smile etc. & Maria T is asleep next to me. I cant wait for work to end, because i want to sleep! Goodness. I really hope that my sores arent the infectious type and it isnt herpes. Insyallah.

Afew days ago, Bb & I walked around Funan as he wanted to buy his iPod accessories,a couple of thumbdrives for his band and we were walking around The Challenger when i saw in a distance,a boy around 15years of age,with his mother,hovering around the camera counter. I decide to take a sneak peek and i of course, just had to eavesdrop! It seems that he is getting his first camera and his FIRST camera happens to be a Nikon D. I think he was getting either a D200 or a D300! GOD! A d200 costs at least a whooping 2.6K,just for the nikon body itself with minimum kit! JEALOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The other time also, we went over to Mustafa and then, i found out that the price for the N D40 has already dropped! It is now, SGD 770! A friend of mine bought hers at 850 and it was 8 months ago! So if u do the calculations, it will drop an average of SGD 150 within an average of 6 months! But maybe it will stay within the 770 for a couple more months because i am sure nikon's depriciation value isnt that low,since it IS Nikon kan. So we shall see.

Baby, Nikon D40 will make a great 21st birthday gift! It comes in a nice and tight box so you only need to wrap nicely..heeeeee! I know i am damn considerate, i am sensitive to the fact that you dont like to wrap like a girly girl. mwahmwah.

and ohhhhh, before i forget,

Happy 37th,baby!

Hope you have a great fantastic 15th today,

i love you.

♥

Drumm dee drumm, i was awarded 2 days of sick leave yet again because,jeng jeng jeng, i twisted my ankle,while missing a flight of stairs. Yup,you heard it right, ONE flight of stairs and then, dop,dop,dop, krek!, and BAM! cause after twisting my ankle,i fell on my cushioned ass. Since i was on the way to work,when that happened,i went to work,only to be shoo-ed away to the staff clinic cause it was as swollen and red like a fucking balloon. So here i am basking away in the glorious glory of my ankle,counting the remaining hours before i have to walk my way up SGH to go to work.

Right now, my ankle is fairly well. The swelling has subside, the pain is minimal and yah, i think minimal is good as of now because the pain was so excruciating yesterday that, i had to clench my fists and kinda like depend on other leg to walk so my weight would not rest on my ankle so much. Still,it was crazy! So,alhamdulilah,it is healing well and yah, i just have to open my eyes big big, look where i am going and everything would be fine i am sure.

& like you all have already guessed, i took my second assessment and flunked it again! This time, there wasnt any immediate failures at all! I just had a whole lot more demerit points. Cried again, threw my paper into bb's face and sulked and whined right in the middle of amk hub while bb was trying to coax me like a little baby. I really truly feel like giving up. I even felt like throwing my fitness first's membership card into my consultant's face and walk away! But of course,i didnt. I will try again and again,and again. ONCE i have enough money lah. Assessments and circuit revisions are NOT cheap you know. It is only the middle of the month and if i spend any more on my revisions, thats it man. Tsk.

& yah, i was encouraged to try again because yesterday, for the first time, i saw a veryvery hot hot hot R1. REALLY! It wasnt those normal pale pink or those off-colour pink you know! IT IS REALLY HOT PINK!!! AND AGAINST ITS BLACK ORIGINAL FERRING, KIWAKKKK HOT HOT HOT. & jangan jadi bodoh la, the only reason why i am typing this is NOT because i want to ride a R1 in the future, i am typing this because it IS hot and it is HOT PINK. goodness. that was very,very cool! only the rider wasnt la! :( but nehmind, motor kau lawa,kau hebat! HAHAHAHA.

Anyway, bb asked me what i wanted for my 21st. Sighs. do you know i dont need all those gifts,i dont need dinners and i dont need things. of course, i wanted my family to be by my side la,dont be stupid can? but like if i could truly have what i wanted, i would like to have a whole lot of money so i can travel. REALLY REALLY. but yah,travelling with other people's money is not truly puas la. so thats why it is so out~ But then again, truly, if i could have what i truly want,which is,in this case, a whole lot of cash, i will want to visit Sri Lanka or China again. I dont know but these two places somehow always pop up in my head each time i think about where i want to go to. Or if i have more, i really want to strip down to basics and get really confused and lost in Thailand.( India is abit far-fetched because it is far and i am not confident at all!) I will take a bus to thailand, travel up or down,either way.

The main idea is just to walk with a whole lot of things over my head,attempt to socialise with the locals, eat local food, NOT bathe for many many days and really, just have my life depend on the road map. SIGHS.

I dont know man. I just love travelling like that.

♥

Email #1.
From: asean.explorer@ship.rydex.com.sg
To: derose_rozanna@hotmail.com
Subject: good day to all
Date: Fri, 8 Aug 2008 10:56:34 +0000

Hello everybody!

Meimei here.
Anything you can keep in touch with me thru this mail.
I’m out at Indian ocean, bay of Bengal proceeding to Colombo.
Will only arrive tmr.
Have been sailing like almost 6 days!
The weather here sometimes sunny and sometimes rainy.
Now the vessel is rolling sideways and up and down..MABUK man.
Got a lil seasick! I forgot to buy my sour sweets and preserved plums
Tmr when reach port hopefully got time to get these stuffs.
How’s everybody?

K till here. Got to go for watch.
Take care mummy papa and jiejie!

Love
meimei

Email #2.

From: asean.explorer@ship.rydex.com.sg
To: derose_rozanna@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: good day to all
Date: Sat, 9 Aug 2008 03:52:51 +0000

WOW! keep up the good effort yea! hahas. later i come back i join u! i just saw whales at the ocean. hahas. mabuk la.. jalan pon macam org mabok. help me ask papa for his email k! thanks. eating well soso lah. no appetite but force my self to eat,... mabuk without food difficult.. hahas. food on board good just ate prata for breakfast. now my turn to sleep. doing 4-8 watch... night night
meimei

-----------------------------------------------------------

MEI MEI EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woootts.
Mummy is engrossed watching the basketball olympics. The US Vs China. vulgarities spewing all over! kadang kadang, mak aku bebual ni,macam paham! hahaha. macam dier pulak yang men bebola basket tuh. Tsk.

Anyway, i have yet to reply meimei's 2nd email and i was quite psyched that she saw whales! hello??? i have NEVER seen a whale in my entire life before! I have only seen really heeewuge dolphins while i was in Sri Lanka and they were probably like a few kilometres away from where we were. but whales...boy oh boy. i heard that they are really gentle creatures. i always imagined myself to be saved by a whale if i was ever the only survivor of an airplane crash,and if i were to be floating in the middle of the ocean,hanging onto a piece of wood. and then, the whale would snort and smile at me and then,i would pat its head and then kiss it above his nostrils and tell it how much i appreciate it saving my life and secretly pray that God would just drop kazillion million billion planktons in the sea so the whale would not be hungry ever.

okay, my imagination running wild again! woots. i mean, can you guys imagine????

Today i met up with Ismah Darling and we watched Money Not Enough 2. GOD. for all canto-hokkien-vulgarities lovers, this is the movie that u have to watch! HAHAHAHHA. i nearly died of laughing! i was laughing so hard because it was damn funny!!!!!!! hilarious. this 2nd movie by jack neo was a million times better than the first one! I LOVE IT SO MUCH. and of course, i also cried because it was also fucking sad! GOD. SO PLEASE GO WATCH IT.
you can trust me on this,really. i really laughed out fucking loudly. \\

SO GO. i gave it 4.8 out of 5 popcornss!~~and then bb was already waiting for me at the mrt and he looked quite good with his short hair and with his jacket zipped like a fucking olympic runner.

at this rate of not working,i seriously dont feel like working at all! can i sit down shake leg at home and not work??

okay,i can already hear bb roaring to me into my ears, " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

tak dapattt laa konon. okay, i am going to the gym tml and ive got my repeat assessment in the evening!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. insyallah. i am going to revise and revise and play the entire assessment in my head over and over again and MAKE SURE THAT I DONT GO ON THE FUCKING WRONG COURSE.

GRRRRH! nighty night.
xoxo.

♥

I havent been to the gym for the past 3 days, and i am beginning to feel a whole lot heavier. I stepped on the weighing scale last night, and my weight loss is now 4.5kg. THAT MEANS, i must go to the gym SOON! if not, i will put on those weight back and yah, actually even though it is only 4.5kg, there is still a slight difference. Ira commented that i actually looked healthier, Mummy said that my panty line against my uniform is not that obvious, and my colleagues said that my tummy is ABIT less bulging.

I mean,i cant see the difference la,but i think i can really feel it. Because i do the threadmill, and briskwalk for manymany minutes, walking is ABIT easier, i dont feel much pain and i am convinced that the blood circulation in my legs is better and is flowing more smoothly,thats why it is less painful.

All of the above are true about how i feel about my improvement,UNLESS both my brain and mind are playing tricks on me. Yes, i AM aware that the brain and the mind are two different things/issues altogether eh.

& ALL I HAVE GOT TO SAY TO MYSELF IS,

" COME ON ANA!!!!!!!! DONT GIVE UP!!!!!!! KAU LAWA CUMER KAU GEMOK,SO FUCKING GET THOSE WEIGHTS OFF YOURSELF!!!!!"

bwahahahahahhahahahaha. & yah, i do think that i am pretty. not gorgeous la, just pretty.

AND fat. HHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

kkkkkay, my brain is of course non functional at this time of the morning and that means, I HAVE TO FUCKING SLEEP.....

because....

i have to wake up and help aidil paint his fucking room. -_- whatever lorrrrr aidil! I dont even paint my OWN room!!! GOODNESS. i dont know why he has the idea that i can be a good paint-helper.

I think i will just sit beside him,with the paper painting hat that he always make for me,and smile to myself and think about how hot my boyfriend is with his muscles and veins protuding out of his glistering skin,when he rolls the roller across his walls,up and down,left to right.

HAHAHHAHAHAHA. NOWWWW i sound like i have a highschool crush on my own boyfriend. Tsktsk.

AND OH, i JUST have to tell you guys this poem which syasya told me about yesterday!!!

it goes like;

buah jambu buah lai,

lagi hensem steady i.

ALLLL TOGETHERRR NOWWWWWW.........

BWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!

KIWAKKKK!!

steadyyy kaperrrrrr cik adik oi. kwangkwangkwang. kk, i really have to go sleep like NOW.

♥

i love my bb because i love him.

really, there is no other way to describe it.

i sat at my table, thinking about what to write

and yah, i think it is just that.

something he wrote about "believe in me,and yourself."

make me wanna sit down like a baby and weep.

it really shows how much of unbeliever i am of myself,

well all that has to change,because telling myself

that i am worth much much more,

sounds better.

Guru Pitka says,

"let the world say bad things about you,

so long as you dont say bad things about yourself."

& ohh,

Mariska Harghatei.

♥

Hello everyone. By the way, my hands,arms and fingers are all hurting, as i am typing this painstakingly on my keyboard. Dont ask why, later i tell you all why. ((:

Anyway, yesterday's Sentosa trip was trippin', humpin' and sooooooooo bangin'!!!!

Goodness,some will say that it was as great(read:orgasmic) as sex, rough & good! Haha. It began with a very slow start,we had to wait for this and that, and ended up only reaching Sentosa at 2.30pm! Mind you, the supposed time was ONEFREAKINGPEE-M. The skies werent really that cleared also, we had grey clouds hovering over us,with the occasional rain triklets on our skin. But those were considered minor because the fun we had was maybe a hundred million times more! ((:

We saw a very comfortable spot, beside the bridge, under four perfectly aligned coconut trees,placed our bags, laid our very multipurpose plastic sheets and had lunch! I got a little worried because as of 2pm,there were only 10 people including myself. I mean, the entire ward was supposed to come and the number 10 is definitely NOT the entire ward lorrr. Please lorr people. So we just made do with what we've got! We bought the very expensive beach volleyball which was freaking 23 bucks! Goodness lor, daylight robbery or wutttttt. Aku confident siak,thought of buying it alone,since i was supposed to bring a ball but didnt, but when i found out that it was freaking 23dollars, i turned to my friends and went like, " eh duit! aku nak g beli bola. each 4bucks ehhhh thankkks!" hahahahahahha. i am such a miser lor,but seriously? 23 dollars? Takpe la.

ANYHOOS, it was after lunch that the fun started! We decided to play dog & bone, and i loved that game cause i had a pretty much good childhood and i do recall my kampong friends and i ( who are now mat mat/abg abg yang gi club 24/7,hit on girls and fuck.) running around the playground,still very innocent and naive. The first few games it was pretty gentle, with just tapping on the shoulders, ass or wherever,it was just tapping. But we decide to bring up the notch and started playing contact. IT WAS MADNESS!! Believe it or not, i got wrestled, rummaged, flung across, nudged at and swinged around!!!! And yah, there was a couple of people who climbed on me! & oh yah, i jumped and landed on dyal a few times,in attempt to bring him down but to no avail! DAYYYMN. That instantly became our favourite game. We fed on sand, got buried in the sand; that patch of sand will have traces of our blood,from all the abrasions,scratches and injuries we sustained from just playing DOGFUCKINGBONE.

& oh yah, it got a little vulgar too! I was the same number with Angeline,who is such a very small,small person,wayyyy smaller than me, and i pulled down her bikini panty and revealed her crack and a little bit of her tinky! I mean, it was all unintentional lor! WHY WOULD I WANT TO PULL MY FRIEND'S PANTY FOR LORRR!! kiwakkkkkkkkkkkk. but that was funny.

Ohhhh wells. I love it and i know all of my friends love it. I still can see my blueblacks on my arms and legs and scratches all over and oh, to add it all up, i still have a night shift tonight.

\

*gulps*

I just got back from lunch with bb iman & leman. Ive just discovered a pretty exciting gossip and boy oh boy,was that juicy orrr wutttt! Hahahaha. Boys will be boys la. & i will be just I because, I am going to smoke, shit and then go to sleep so i can prepare for tonight's shift.

I will put up our mass-dogfuckingbone orgy video once i get them from farnil! & a photo update soon ok? skrg tgh berlegas,malas dan malas. hahah! ((:

goodnight,world.

♥

This was the reason why i cried in front of the instructor when i received my assessment paper back. This was the reason why i was soooooooooooo geram,i clenched my fists and went like, "URGGGGHHHHHHHHH BABIIII BABIIII!" the entire time when i was talking to bb right after the assessment. Remember, i told you guys that i was confident about the assessment because i really practised hard, and i really revised and knew everything at the tip of my fingers?

YES, I DID, I DID MY ASSESSMENT WELL, I KNEW THAT I COULD PASS BECAUSE I DIDNT FALL OFF THE PLANK, MY E BRAKE WAS ALMOST PERFECT, I MADE SURE I CHECKED ALL BLINDSPOTS AND DID CHECKBACKS AND ALL, I WAS CALM AND COLLECTED THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE ASSESSMENT!

So you want to know how did i get the immediate failure?!!! just typing this make me feel soooooo geram because I REALLY FORGOT!

okay so here it goes;

I WENT ON THE WRONG SLOPE!!!!!! So, it was counted as "proceed on wrong course." Kirekan macam i didnt follow the test route!!! CAN U IMAGINE HOW BINGIT I WAS WHEN I REALISED THAT I WAS ON THE WRONG SLOPE AND THE CORRECT SLOPE WAS JUST BESIDE ME AND THAT CARELESS MISTAKE CAUSED ME AN IMMEDIATE FAILURE.

URGH URGH URGH URGH . CAM CHIBAI SIAKKKKK.

its not always that i say this when i take any kind of assessments but I COULD HAVE BLARDY PASSED LOR. I got only 18 points lorrr!!! MACAM BABI.

so yah that was irritating. macam Bodohhh siak. ive already booked another assessment for this coming monday, i am so gonna make sure i nail it. chibai.

nowww,i have to rush to shengsiong to goreng nuggets for the outing with my fellow 77-ers because niari ward tutop!!! HAHAHAH. so all of us got a day off and we are going SENTOSAAAA!!!

tapi memandangkan yang now is already 11am, i think i am so gonna be sooo late!

♥

4 more hours to my assessment! I am already getting the jitters,oh my goodness. I am confident because i have revised for it a whole lot of times, running it over and over again,in my head. I am only worried about my nerves, because i really dont want to screw up. I ended up crying the last time i did my assessment and oh god, i dont want to cry tonight! :( soooooo pretty please,pretty please.

ANYWAY work sucks as usual and i hate it. i am just glad that it is closing.
Thank god,thank god. I am looking forward to the Sentosa Trip with the colleagues, a movie marathon thereafter and maybe a peek to Dbl O. Its been such a long time,i feel quite outdated. Bwahahahaha.

kk i need to go.

♥

you are the best thing in my world, seeing you after a long day at work beats anything at all. Just the way you laugh, the way you look me right back in my eyes and tell me you love me. im in cloud nine,and i will always be when you are right here with me. there is something about you that makes me feel whole and complete. Its probably just your love. i will never love any one as much as i love you because you deserve every step i take and every fall i break. I love you bb.

xoxo.

♥

A Tribute! (:

To the one of the many sisters that i never had. Happy Birthday Kak Hidayah kiter, i wish you have had a good one with loved ones and family! I wish you nothing but all the love and happiness in the world. Mwahmwah. *hugs* I will see you soon! I thank you for all the great times, for all the rides you willingly offered, for just being the bigger sister among the rest of us. Lovelove.

& to my one and onlycanneverbereplaced sister, Hana.

I was browsing through her photos and god, seriously, i feel like crying! My meimei has left for India on board her cable ship. The one on the right is her ship,so you relatively can guess how huge it is! Goodness. Thank you for cleaning up my room, for always buying food for yourforever hungry sister, and thank you for always closing the door when you know i am having a bad day. Thank you & i love you. I just gave her a hug and went on to work! She is going to be gone for 3 fucking months! Meimei if u are reading this, we pray for your safety k? Takecare. Do you best. We know you can do it! ((:

I am on a sappy mode tonight. Bb & I just survived a huge argument and i am just very touchy whiny AND emotional. God. love does this to you,doesnt it? :(

♥

*points to the first photo*

SEDAP KAPE AYAM BERKEPAK TU!!

I am now craving for a whole lot of food. Tang yuan from golden mile, kopok lekor from pasar malam, puri with chicken curry in redang, kerang from newton, PEPPERONI PIZZAS!!!! oh my goodness! i just remembered!

AMAL NURATIQAH ! I WANT TO GO SWIMMING IN YOUR POOL AND STUFF MY FACE WITH PEPPERONI PIZZAS!!!!!! ((: JOM JOM JOM JOM JOM.

& syasya got me hooked on " i know you want it, im hesitatin'.." KIWAKKKK, SEK AH SEK.
okay, aku lambat setapak,pardon me la right. but WHATEVER IT IS, i am so hooked on that line, i think beyonce sounds sooooooo sexy and usher of course sounds so hot. & just for your information, Usher is bb's favourite r&b singer tau! member collect all his albums lor! kimakkkk.

ANYWAYYYY MY GREATEST GIRLFRIEND OF ALL TIME JUST TEXT ME THIS,

" Eh Im watching Pussycats Dolls live now."

KIWAKK DENGAN TAKDE SEGAN SILU DIER MSG AKU GITU!! APE KAU PEH MAKSODD!

And i replied her, "BASKET!!!!"

and then, after a few minutes later,DENGAN TAK TAU MALUNYE, she text me this,

"Going down to see Alicia Keys now."

And i just said, " SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

okay aku geram and marah ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. GRRR GRRRRR. -_-

aku nak tgk alicia keysssssssssss and nicole susahnakeje. AKU NAK TGK!!!!! -_-

kimak boring je dapat message gitu malam malam! KIWAKKKK.

YAH HOW GREAT EH NANA RAIHANA. grrrrrrr.

SIGHS. anyway, Ira said that i should go hunt for my perfect dress that ive always dreamt of wearing,so it will be a motivation to lose weight! I think i will. I got very positive feedback from my colleagues at work just now and i will try harder and harder! i will not let mum dad n bb down! like how ira and i will always say it, " i believeeeee, i will lose weight. " like how we said when we were flaggin a cab in the middle of the road in the middle of the night, when THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO CABS AROUND AT ALL! " i believeeeeee there is a cab. i believeee a cab will stop for us. i believe we will take a cab."

last last, gi bustop, tunggu bus jugak kiter. TSK. takpe,keyakinan diri tu kene UP sikit! HAHAHA.

ANYWAY. aku boleh dapat raser yang aku quite hyper today. macam feelingfeeling nak terkinjekinje loncatloncat pekikpekau! what shall i do eh!

♥

Different people consider different things as their happiness. My happiness doesnt always equal to your happines and like wise. Another man's treasure can be another man's poison,haven you heard? If its true, i am so sorry to tell you that you are too deluded,cause i AM happy. & again, since another man's poison is another man's treasure, i am very well sure that you are happy too lor. Kaos. (how fucked can your theory be lor?) & oh, b4 pple start assuming that i am talking about her or her, dont be too sure eh. i might just be talking about an invisible person,or i am just fighting with my alter ego. (yes lor, there are days when i rant and rant and bitch abt noone at all but i rant because i feel like being a mofuckin bitch.)

Like how ayn says it, KIMAKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Tsk. Maybe as of now, i should talk about general issues and not about myself anymore. Really lor. Ive got my circuit revision tomorrow and bb is bringing me out after my revision! I cant wait! ((: I so need a booster. The private bbq with both syasya and ira was fantastic! The only thing that i could thought about that was missing was, Monopoly!! Urgh. And i love the fact that the bbq was spontaneous! The food was great, the company was even better. I want to do it again. I want to do it again! This time,i will make sure that i bring my monopoly with me.

& bb NEEDS to socialise with my girls & friends. Bb u need to ok, since i am such a talkative mofucker with your friends. just be yourself,no need to have an inhibitions at all! cause i am pretty sure frequency kiter samer kalau tune betolbetol. I guess, he needs time to warm up, jia you ok bb! You can do it,dont worry k.

oooo,i am just worried about monday & wednesday! Im having my revision tml and my assessment on wednesday. i hope i dont screw things up. insyallah. i am more confident this time because ive been religiously practising and revising! I have the route map in my toilet even! urggh,riding is so tough sometimes.

& oh, an update on my weight. ive lost 3kilos so far,nothing much to be proud of,because i am sure the 3kg are waterweight only. I still have to carry on and continue what i am doing.

& how to kurus when colleagues stuff your face with homecooked lontong goreng?! huhuh. aku raser khadijah takot aku kebulor agaknye,asik suro makan aje. Thanks for the concern babe, such a pretty caring little thing who is convinced that she is fat and big AND tall. WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE because she is NOT fat,NOT big and definitely NOT tall. ouch~ haha. kalau kau fat,aku aper sialllll. grossly obese? EEEW,even that sounds gross,so i WILL go to the gym tml. WILL. i didnt go today and i cant stop thinking about it! :(

I stomped to 72 today and made sure that my resentment is made known since it IS the 3rd of August. & guess the reply i got? " you gotta be patient, they have not finalised anything at all yet."

PATIENT YOUR FUCK. IVE BEEN PATIENT FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS YOU FUCKER. I HAVE BEEN DIGESTING AND SWALLOWING EVERYBODY'S SHIT WITHOUT COMPLAINING AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO BE PATIENT?

again, not that i do not like where i am right now, i just dont like being pushed around and treated like trash. Ok? DONT GIVE ME SHIT ABT YOU UNDERSTANDING WHERE I AM COMING FROM RIGHT NOW,BECAUSE YOU DONT, YOU FUCKERRR.

CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK.

♥

So sucky that i have to go to work today. Think i prefer quiet times with close gfs rather than loudrowdy clubbing moments. NOT that loud and rowdy aint good. Once in a while, fine with me,to get into the crowds,to see whats hot and whos not. Like ive said a million times, getting wasted,drunk and intoxicated are just things of the past,i guess. Zaman dah berlalu,oiii. I certainly dont see it as a routine,as a strict regime. Sorry,time lambat. Kalau nak pegi pun,tak payah nak pegi sampai EVERY single week kan. Tsk.

i dont know about others,but i am just over it. clubbing and dancing and getting drunk,do NOT excite me as much now.

ANYHOOOS, bb made it better cause he came all the way from sgoon to changi just to send me back home. What a heart throb. I know my zh girls are gonna be there foreverly-21,cause they have been there. lovelove.

i so look forward to private bbqs with ourselves,cause we dont need them other.

ohhh i have to get ready for work,feeling a little jetlag.

gotta go, NOOOWWWW!

♥

The other night, Aidil & I were at Vivo,we bought food, to eat facing the sea and then we realised that both of us missed Redang. Oh wells.

I am going to the gym again today! Been keeping it up my ass for 5 consecutive days, i actually got a little worried because i woke up late and realised that i missed gym time! So imma gonna go a little later. I had my first real meal a few days ago and i nearly puked it all out. Im getting a hang of it, slowly putting things in my mouth,in hope that i do not destroy my motivation.

Yesterday, i only had Mee Rebus, with lots of tau ge and tofu. I was nauseated because i really felt so full. I dont know whats wrong, but you guys can tell that i used to love food. I gulped down saliva when my colleagues waved their Corn Cups around my face,after knowing about my regime and forced one spoonful of corn into my mouth. I nearly cried! Again,i thought about how long do i have to run on the threadmill to burn off those calories. God,its tormenting.

Do all people on strict diet do this? I am doing this because i am not giving myself any excuse to slack and skive. Because i know once i go off track,ill never be on it again. Since i love food and kopok lekors and nasi padang,and ayam masak merah and sambal goreng and pizzas(!!!!!) and yah,u get the drift. SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? God.

Okay, i should stop talking about what i have been talking about all week! Today, IS Nurses' Day! This is my third nurses' day in sgh and i am missing it again! Hahs. Sgh is celebrating it big time because there will be 98.7 DJs on campus and aku just have to be gatal and just have to miss it. So a very Happy Nurses' Day to all my fellow girlfriends and colleagues,slogging their asses today at work,while i have mine nicely rested on my chair,and looking at how the world past me by. Haha. Well, this year we received a very pretty runner-lookalike jacket and a sleeping bag which can be folded into a pillow! Both are comfortable! ((: Pandai jgk SGH ni. Macam tau aje jacket lamer aku takle zip. Haha.

Ohhhh, i am gonna toast myself some bread and then siap for Gym. Hope i bump into Meyaa or Mia later! ((:

and issit me or my computer? I cant go into xiaxua's blog!!!!! IRRITATING. been trying for the couple of days because i heard of the dawn versus xx. I of course vote for xx la! DUHHHH. so anyone who knows whats wrong, can tell me? Im dying to read! Irritating to knw tt EVERYONE arnd u knows the gossip except for me all because of some internet connection problems. babi.