♥

Oh, I dreamt of Meimei yesterday! I hope she is safe! I miss you terriblyyyy so today, im gonna head out to Geylang to search for THE baju kurung for my family & myself.

The problem is, I AM GODDAMNIT SLEEPY. how,how how?

and i am supposed to meet bb in 1/2 an hour. Sometimes i just feel like pulling his hair and punching him in the nose,cause he can be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fcking ignorant and totally insensitive. BUCK UP LA HELLO!!! You want people to change,people change. People want you to change, THE SAME OLD FUCK. tsk. Is it THAT difficult to be sensitive towards another person's feelings? ISSIT THAT DIFFICULT?!!! Tsk. Sometimes when he is like this, i feel like he is not bb at all.

like i just met him yesterday,for the fact that it was only for getting back my bank card. I merely sat in the jamming room, sitting,and reading my book, WITHOUT even talking to him for the full two hours. AND HE SAYS THAT HE SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITH ME. big deal meh,sit in the blardy room watching you and your boys? BIG DEAL MEH. kalau bebual dgn kawan kau takde lah pikir gitu. babi. woah as if its really he spent the entire night,plastering himself to me AS IF LOR. seriously, i admit i was rude but im not apologizing. Its sick. because when it comes to me, you can be so motherfucking calculative. have i ever been calculative to you? PERNAH TAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?!!!!!

pasal kawan, boleh ton. even when your friends clearly are not interested at all, mati mati nak. part aku, " eh niari kuar,kene balik cepat eh, besok keje ah." DENGAN KAWAN KAU,TAKDE PUN AKU DGR KAU COMPLAIN.

okay,suddenly after blogging about this, i so dont feel like meeting him at all. geram nyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

♥

Dinner was fantastic,the company was fantastic and the greatest thing of all was,we ended up paying only 11bucks for our Kintamani Buffet Dinner! ((((: Izyan brought her D60! & of course, everyone looked pretty last night! I think ill miss my colleagues if i were to leave that place. I sure gonna miss them lor. Where else can i sing my heart out at the nursing counter during shift??????????????? Only at my ward's nursing counter lorrrrrrrrrrrrr. Hor,Izyan,HORRRRR. DONT YOU DARE LEAVE ME OKAY. i will pull ur extensions out of your head one by one,if u leaveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. HAHAHAHHAHA.

Anyway...
Rayola is with bb right now,so i cant upload all th photos. I met bb after our dinner and we head down to Mustafa! I bought another 2 novels from Sophie Kinsella and im hooked! I read til about 3am in the morning just now,slept after talking to bb on the phone. & the best thing about last night was, THAT WE WERE NOT FIGHTING!

Really, it was so sweet, bb was soooooo sweet and hot and handsome and justttt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bb! HHAHAHHA. there was a couple of times when i look at him and went like, " ehhhhh cute nyeeee bb aku niiii....geraaammmmmm nyyeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,macam nak *teet*!!!!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. STOP IT EH ANA. kk enuff,in case korang puke ur sahor out. HAHHAHA.

OH,by the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..

This month is definitely NOT the month where you can afford to submit our allowances late! THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE MONTH TO DO THAT,DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!! URGH. Because of your actions, we have to bear the consequences of NOT having enough to spend! KIMAKKK, I JUST DONT GET WHY YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THIS MONTH TO SUBMIT OUR ALLOWANCES LATE!

I feel like Ive suddenly submerged into poverty. Sighs. & im working so ive got to hurry up and get ready and remove my nail polish and iron my uniform and BATHE!!!BAHHHHHH, I THINK IM GONNA BE SOOOOO LATE!!!!!!

kk,see u girls around! ive got no time to reply to the tags, later at work if got free time, i reply k! *hugs* mwahmwah.

♥

Tsk. Ive got an urge to go into a bitchfit right now! RIGHT NOW.
kimak,satu kater dier irritating, dier kater dier irritating.

KIMAKKKKKKKK
PADA AKU KORANG DUE DUE IRRITATING.
enough of making up, enough of keeping it at peace,
BECAUSE KAN, tsktsktsk. one, please act ur age. JANGAN memalukan aku.
two, GOD.

itu aje lah yang aku mampu ckp.

♥

Suddenly, after the mock break-up last week, i dont feel like talking to bb. Im busy with work,while hes always on the road and the only time we get our so-called couple time, it would be a few minutes before we get into bed. I feel like its the best for now, cause his texts have been very,very,very sweet lately. I feel like i've only started dating!

Sometimes i think,that,is the down side of being in a long-term relationship. You are so accustomed to that particular person,like it is so normal to do everything together,to be around each other together,but it is actually not,because sometimes you forget that you have to lead your own lives and you still have to carry on living your responsibilities as a daughter,a sister and a nurse,other than being a girlfriend.

That is why, every now and then, i DEMAND a date from bb. A date to re-ignite the sparks between us,because like it or not, it does get a little soggy. But i think Bb & I are a simple couple. If we can sit cross-legged,under my bridge,right above the longkang,and talk,while holding hands,til 6 am in the freaking morning, i dare say that we are pretty cool.

But i dont want cool to get clouded in my brain,so for the benefit of the people reading my blog, ive decided to come up with a very,very important list!!! ((:

(1) To me, the most important is expressing your feelings! I understand that men can be ignorant,and sometimes they choose to ignore the need to express how much they feel for their partners,because i feel that men are quite straight forward,they go into a relationship and thats it! they think that by gg into a relationship,by being a couple,a woman knows that he loves her,but WOMEN ARE NOT LIKE THATTTT.

we know but we pretend not to know so to confirm,you must tell!!!! HAHAHHA.SO STAND UP ON YOUR FEET AND LET YOUR FEELINGS BE KNOWN! Send love notes, post them everywhere, send her a secret email,telling each other how much love you feel. BE CREATIVE!! ( bb always tell me that he dont want to write me love notes because hes not creative! but i dont think its a problem what. i will love anything that he does for me in his own effort and MEN HAVE START REALISING THAT AND HAVE TO JUST STOP WORRYING!!!) & if the love note came with a gift or a bouquet of flowers, IT IS EVEN BETTERRRR!!!!! ((((((:

BUT OF COURSE, this applies to the girls also! We need to tell our men,how hot they look,how macho they look when they wear that tight-fitting shirt because MEN have egos and things like that can serve as a ego-booster! But i dont think i need to explain much about how we,girls can be creative because mostly 90% of us are downsuckingly-painintheass romantic! HAHAHHAHAHA.

(2) Go on a trip together at least once a year!! Not neccessarily somewhere far and expensive.You can do something exciting and adventurous like scaling Mount Kinabalu,just the two of you. When you do things together,i realised that you will find out things that you've never known before. Like how he/she handles a rude waiter, how he/she handles a situation where there is a possibility that the both of you are lost,and stucked with no help at all. Situations like these, can often tell you what kind of a person your partner is. So embrace that,and explore each other! ((:

But if you prefer to have a more laid-back vacation, THERE ARE SOOOO MANY PLACES TO GO!!! Goodness. Simply google your way, and plan your trip together. You will have a better sense of belonging too.

(3) I cant emphasize this enough,but PLEASE COMMUNICATE AND TALK. I believe that my partner should be my bestfriend and also my enemy. He should be there to love me whole-heartedly but he should be there to snap me out of my dreams and pull me back into reality! I get into fights with Bb because of this but i think its very important that you voice out your resentments instead of bottling it all up! Many couples ( including myself & bb) lost each other because they have failed to open up and tackle the problems. We keep,keep and keep and then, BANG! overrr. So that shouldnt be the way. You guys were in love, why let an argument get the better of the both of u?

I always believe that it is very difficult for strangers to fall in love. So for you both to come together and fall in love with each other, dont you all think that it will be such a waste to let it all go down the drain?!

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you all like my 3 pointers! I initially wanted to do 10 but im afraid ill bore you guys to death! hahaha.

OHHH I FORGOT, LAST POINT!!

DONT EVER,EVER CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER. EVEN THOUGH YOUR PARTNER HAS GOT A PRETTY WILD PAST, DONT! IM SO AGAINST IT!!! DONT EH.

Sakit hati tau kalau tau partner cheat. so if u know how it feels, dont do it to people. It is NOT healthy and if you got into it, its pretty hard to get out of it. Like,once you pop you cant stop! SO DONT. kalau gatal, gi break dulu den gi gatal dgn orang lain. Save your partner the hurt and pain ok? ((:

Okayyy, im meeting my colleagues later! I cant wait. Will be back at night to blog abt how it went! Woots.

♥

Oh man, I just reached home from work and from chilling out with Iqah. Im on the afternoon shift again tml. Not that im complaining since the ward was very much like kampong melayu today! There was me izyan izzaidah lily kak liza mr ismail! We had a helllllllllllll of a good time,breaking fast in the tearoom! Laughing most of the time!

We are damn tight, so tight,i cant wait for the full squad to come together for iftar this Thursday at The Kintamani Indonesian Restaurant, in the Furama Riverfront Hotel. I've made reservations and we are soooo good to go! Initially, i wanted to bribe them into going to Straits,but well, KALAU DAH MELAYU,MELAYU JUGAKKKKK! :( But its okay, what matters most is the company. We can hook up and eat hawker food,and still have a hell of a good time.

I've finally placed my finger on what to buy for Daddy's 60th. I must alias with Meimei,to see if she wants to split the gift.

Ohhh, I emailed Yana a couple of days back and she was pretty disappointed that our December reunion wouldnt be on. She's got last minute exams,and MY SISTER IS JUST BEING A SISTER LA RIGHT. Sighs.

You know what i feel like doing each and every time i am about to board a train? I want to video record the scene the moment the door slides open! Goodness. SO FUCKING KIASU SIAK. I hate it,so much and i truly find it downright disgusting! All these makciks and nyoyas and ahpeks,are ALL terrible!

You are old, and ugly and carrying alot of bags, when you go into the fucking train, YOU WILL GET YOUR FUCKING SEAT,DONT WORRY LA RIGHT?!!!! THE TRAIN IS AT HARBOURFRONT FOR GOD's SAKE!!!!!!!

THERE WILL BE ALOT OF SEATS!!!!! even if u sit down,den you feel like your feng shui not good sitting at that blardy fucking seat, you can take your fucking time to stand up,bend down to pick up your blardy fucking bags, look up and search for a better fengshui seat at the OTHER end of the train!!!! YOU CAN LORRRRR.

OR IF YOU WANT, I CAN VOLUNTEER TO HELP YOU CARRY YOUR OILY SMELLY BAGS AND USHER YOU AROUND JUST SO YOU CAN BLARDY TESTWATER THE FUCKING SEATS.

NO NEED TO PUSH AND ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME AND LANGGAR ME WITH YOUR BA KWA PLASTIC BAG OKAY! KANINA!!!!

woah got the blardy fucking cheek to turn around, TSK me and then roll your eyes somemore! MAK KAU PEH LAKI BODOH!!! gerammm siak. Of course, i just TSK her back and said "SOOOOOOOO KIASU!!!!" VERY LOUDLY.

and i hate people who immediately rush to my feet when they have spotted me adjusting my bag, adjusting my skirt,who feels that i am going to alight at the next stop. WOAH ALEH ALEH MACAM ADA ORANG GITU PAT DEPAN AKU. step bacer suratkhabar,while secretly eyeing my seat!

it happened one day and the moment i saw the makcik who did that, i purposedly stand up,adjusted my seat and sat down back. I alighted at the next 2 stops. PUKIII.

PERANGAII DISGUSTING EH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please lorrr!!!!! Dont say that i am mean because i do give up my seats to those who are in need but you so disgusting, i give up my seat for you,even tho u say thank you,i feel like spitting on you AFTER i TSK-ed you very loudly.

PHUA NEY NEY BETOL.

♥

I was exchanging messages across Friendster,with my high school class monitor,and i just coincidentally found ANOTHER reason why i should invest in a Nikon D-series. I fell in love with the photos he took,i fell in love with how intense the photos he took came out to be. Is this the beauty of photography?

I have always been disappointed with many,many cameras that ive had over the years,because many a times, my camera fails to capture what i see with my naked eyes. But after reading up, staring at all those terms,and oogling at all those photos, I have really,really made up my mind. If i look at it,spiritually, it is kinda like a calling to me. A calling,calling out to me,to come explore the many places that ive been,and to come re-explore it in another eye,for that matter. I can cry after looking at really beautiful photos on the web sometimes. Doesnt it make you appreciate life even more?

A couple weeks ago, Aidil was pretty pissed with me after i told him about my decision of getting my Nikon D. ( for god's sake, i think ive been thinking about getting it since last year,after i pounced upon lomo.com and i immediately fell in love it!) One after another,my friends have gotten theirs, most of them after listening to how i whine,about what a worthwhile investment it will be. And after listening to their stories,AFTER playing around with it, it has deemed to be true. To put it nicely, i am just finishing what i've started. Lol. Aidil was also pissed with me because he claims that it shows how fickle-minded i am. But i so beg to differ. A semi-dslr will always and forever remain as a semi. A dslr,will always remain on top, because of its unique specifications.

Once a friend told me that the beauty of photography,lies in the photographer herself,and not in her gadget. I totally agree, but you tell me, Can you feed a rat to a turtle,as how you would feed a snake a rat?

CAN YOU? NO YOU CANT,cause they are different! Precisely. There's only so much i can do with Rayola (shes a semi-dslr,Fujifilm S5800). Yes, i can also agree that i take fantastic photos with her,but i want to get my Nikon because there will much,much more depth to what i can capture,since theres only so much that she can do. Get it?

Im getting tired. But bottomline, ive fallen in love and i wont let that love fade away. Never.

PHEWWW.

Moving on,lets talk about Ching Hui,since he has confessed to me that he does read bloomin-miracle secretly. HEH. Hes my class's monitor for the longest time!

I think after Chaplin and I got thrown off the Monitor And Monitress' throne(yesss,i was once a class monitress!), he took it over with Yulin. Ive always looked up to him,because he is really very responsible lor! Even though he is very,very nerdy, we still listen to him,and he manages us very well. He managed our famous school dance, where i was the 2nd lead! He managed a whole lot of events for the class,whereas i, got back to what i love the most,which is writing. I downgraded to being the class secretary,writing minutes and notes,which i didnt complain at all,because i felt that being the leader was too much of a responsibility since I always got caught with the Discipline Mistress,for my untidy hair, my uniform,coloured underwear and blah blah blah.

But he,on the otherhand, i think he was the sweetest boy i have ever,ever known. During valentine's day, He gave every girl in our class a sunflower. AND OF COURSE WE WERE SUPPPPPPAAA PLEASED LOR! At 14, getting a flower from a boy,is a pretty big deal okay! Put aside the fact that he gave the same flower to the other 17 girls in my class. He was a quiet boy,i remembered,always behind the scenes, not very loud and attention-seeking,but he was behind everything! Every single event! So, ive got a very good impression of him til now!

He used to have a belly, he used to look lazy cause he was a little chubby BUT THAT WASNT HOW HE LOOKED LIKE WHEN I SAW HIM A MONTH AGO LORRR!!!!!!!!!!!

I was walking to Ikha's 21's chalet with Ira, talking and laughing because i was tellling her about a friend i just bumped into,when a hand grabbed my arm from nowhere! I turned and i saw a pretty hot man smiling at me. I adjusted my view AND IT WAS PEH CHING HUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahhaha, i hugged him and then i was sooo excited because i realised that we hadnt seen each other for the longest time,for like 4 years!!!!! So i think i jumped for joy a little bit and got all giggly around him,macam gatal la gitu! Soooooo he was in his army uniform and boy oh boy, was he fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Haha,i just cant believe what a handsome young man he turned out to be! I am also very proud of him because, he scored 8Distinctions and 3As for his overall poly exams! WOAH DAMN DAMN PROUD!

Tsk,pandaiiiiiiii nyerrr. I mean, he has always been that hardworking i remembered. Not very smart in school,but one of the most hardworking people,and true enough, like how Mummy always tell me,people like him,will always succeed and continue to excel. HAHA,so thats the difference between people like me and people like him! Im smart but im pretty lazy,i knowwww.

BUT NONETHELESS, EIGHT FUCKING DISTINCTIONS,

MISTER PEH CHING HUI?!!!

Haha,NOW I KNOW WHY I FIND HIM HOT! He looks a bit like bb,dont you think?!!!

NO WONDER LAHHHH. hhahaha.

bbbbbut well, hes now hot enough to model!! ((: HAHHAHA,pretty good photo of him,dont you all think? If u guys were from Zhonghua, and if u remember my monitor, THIS IS HIM NOW! He will be a reminder to me,that IF I LOSE WEIGHT I WILL LOOK AS GOOD AS HIM!!!! hahahhaha. okay, sorry chinghui if i dedicated the entire entry about you,i just find you veryyyyyy amusing now! ((:

good night world. im sleepy.

♥

Oooh yah....

Open up your heart to me,

and say what's on your mind,

ohh

I know that we have been

through so much pain.

But I still need you,

in my life this time.

And I need you tonight,

I need you right now.

I know deep within my heart,

it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right.

I really need you tonight.

I figured out what to say to you, mmm.

So tired of the words, they,

they come out so wrong

oh yes they do!

And I know in time

that you will understand

that what we have is so right this time

All those endless times

we tried to make it last forever more

and baby

I know I neeeeeeeed you.

oh oh yeah

I know deep within my heart,

it doesn't matter

if it's wrong or right

I really need you....ohhhh

- I Need You Tonight,

by the greatest boyband

in the whole wide world,

The Backstreet Boys.

♥

So i broke fast with 1/2 of a BK Chicken Sandwich, 4 mexican drumlets and my very loyal viceroys. Hurhur. After which, we head to Swenson's for The Fisherman's Catch, The Buffet Salad and Sticky Chewy Chocolate. Nana took the tab tonight,since i am very very near to being broke. Im just glad 25th is 4 days away since I've got so many things to settle this month! ((:

4 sets,in total for the whole family.I need to buy a new pair of matching havainnas too. Yessssssss,you are right. I dont raya with kasot raya. I raya with flipflops. Im more comfortable like that. When my girls are all whining about how many blisters they have, HAHAHA,i will skip around them and hand out handyplasts like they are free! HOHO. sia sia aje aku nurse tapi takle nurse korang. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.

My girls and i have already planned which house to visit this raya and it is none other than Cikgu Jam's house!!!! Yup,only one that really truly mattered. I bet shes getting on her years already, and its only right that we visit her this year. I dont care,what happens, i dont care if some of my girls think that its not a good idea but i want to! I mean, hello, if u are MY girl,i dont see why you should think that we shouldnt. GODDD. ITU CIKGU JAM SEHHHHHH. Rindu siak aku.

I think she has never been that mad with anyone until she met me,cause one day,i got her soooooooooooooooo mad, she stood up,pointed her finger to me,said, " SAYE MACAM NAK MAKI AWAK AJE!!!!" and then she pointed summore and SCREAMED,

" MUUUUSSSIIIIBOTTTTT!!!!".

classic siakkk tu.HAHAHHA. at that point of time, when she screamed at me like that, i was quite shocked because ONE, she would NEVER at any point of time stand up unless theres a visitor. TWO she wouldnt really bother about us when we were noisy,she would just shake her head and get angry. SO FOR HER TO SCOLD ME LIKE THAT,THAT WAS QUITE ENTERTAINING AND US BEING IDIOTIC RETARDS AT THAT TIME, all of us laughed at her back. hehehehhe. NAKAL KAN KITER?!!! tsktsk. macam maner cikgu tak dpt heart attack. Ni seme IRA peh salah la nih. ahahahhaha.

but after all those years, from a F9 to an A1 for my Os, ive got to take my hat off her.

TERIME KASIHHHHH EH CIKGU JAMILAH. ((: okayyy enough!

Anyway..I want to talk abt my day today.

(u guys can skip this entire part. its just me ranting.)

I woke up feeling very sore,because as you all have already expected, bb blew his top yesterday and he decided that,that was all he could take. Frankly, i found it quite dumb because our argument started off with us DEBATING about why chinese succeed more than malays. He was pro-malay of course. I am not towards anything but i felt that his argument was a little racist so i just have to stop him and then i asked him, " what are you basing your argument on?" many many many times and then i really attacked him all the way until he couldnt make it back anymore.

So we fought from then on and things got worst after that. Things were very touchy and very sensitive. One thing led to another and bang!, before i knew it, he said the B word lor. WAHLAO. okay lah, memang salah aku lah cause i just dont stop talking like a black woman and i like to intimidate him when we are arguing so it WAS my fault. duh?

of course he started going on and on about how much i made him suffer mentally when i talk that way and he insist that my sharp tongue is gonna cost us our relationship. SO THAT WAS IT.

yah,so i spent the entire morning and afternoon waiting for his text like a cacing kepanasan,whining to Iqah and Nana. i burst into tears the moment i heard his voice and when he told me he loved me soooooo much and he just wants me to shut up a little bit. HAHAHA. I LOVE YOU TOO AIDILHASWIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO nowww, all i have to do is to learn how to curb my anger,cause when im angry,i dont even give a damn about the people around me,without thinking about how it will affect them. I admit that hes not the only victim.Sometimes i vent my anger on my family too,i just cant control my anger and let it take control. I've tried many ways. Ive tried distracting myself by TRYING to sleep,by screaming into my pillows, ive tried distracting myself by breathing in and out,in and out for a full one minute.STILL NO USE. i still feel angry,to the extent where i feel like throwing anything that i could ever get hold on. so people,can you tell me what should i do? My therapist says i think too much,and i should just relax. Sometimes the things im angry about isnt really that major anyway,which i can agree because sometimes when i step back and actually reflect, many a times, i feel like smacking myself in my nose. I would go like, " KIMAK ANA!!TU PUN BOLEH MARAH?!?" but easier said than that la bb. but i will try harder for you and for our relationship.

but u cant actually blame me for being vocal at all what. I excel in english debate when i was in Zhonghua and i am just born vocal. dont believe ask mummy. or look at my report cards la!! hahahha.

i refuseeeeee to believe that i cant make it. Ive never and will never lose Aidil to anybody at all,and i refuse to lose Aidil to my own fucking foul trap. PHEW. That was a whole lot of rant.

(ok, this is the part where u guys have to come back) HAHA.

so im pretty thankful to Iqah for talkin to me. I mean, among all my girls, i dare say she is the only one who is the most fierce to me lor! My other girls very pamper me like crazy. HAHA.Even though shes like younger than I am, she has a way with me i guess. She gives me straight facts about myself and tell it to me straight into my fucking face. It bites and it hurts but sometimes i do need a reality spank. and Oh nana, i haven seen you in ages and was i glad that we met!best kan dok tepi laut,talktalk and sing sing,i love you so much babe. I miss Mika so much too. She looks really funny in the photo and yah tell her, her MAKMOK kisskisskiss her okkkkkk. (DONT ASK WHY IM CALLED MAKMOK. SO DUHHHHH LORRRR)

OH OHHH i really want to go to Straits Kitchen again! I went there a couple of months back with Yana,and i fell in love with that place. So if im in a good mood and if aidil doesnt make me angry,we shall go eat at Straits k bb?! Maybe I should bring mummy daddy and meimei there for daddy's BIG six. We shall see...Wheeee.

Oh wells. Im working tml. but its okay.

I cant stand having nothing to do anyways.

♥

Waiting is such a cruel game.

I dont want to play anymore.

But if i dont, will i ever see you again?

Will i ever hear your voice again?

Will i ever ever be happy?

Daap,deep,doop.

Go,get your life back,

Ana.

♥

a tribute to gaia. i jus realised the girl on my nightie looks like you. i miss youuuu.

♥

I just got home from watching the boys play at the cage,at ECP. But being awake for the longest time like this,doesnt necessarily mean that i will just slump into my cosy bed and get lost in my dreams.

As a matter of fact, i am wide awake and still energetic. Only that i feel a little groggy from the bad-smelling bus due to the increasing amount of foreign workers,which in this case, are bangladeshi and chinese workers! I am not trying to be racist or what but it is true! The moment the group of them stepped in, i just sprang on my seat and sat up straight.

Bb on the other hand, covered his nose with his shirt and well,i couldnt cover anything because bb was sleepin on my arm! GOD. So my badheache derived from that. HELLO? KORANG TAK TAU NAK MANDI KAPE?! Kimak. Its unhygienic, gross and totally disgusting. Sometimes my chinese colleagues (those who come from china-chinese. not sg-chinese eh.), come to work with the messy face and then one look you know that they dont bathe before coming and FUCKING HELL,SMELLY OR WUTTTT. I know having body odours arent always our fault but we could TRY to improve ourselves by initiating the FIRST FUCKING step which is,SURPRISE SURPRISE...bathing!!! *rollseyesmanymanymanytimes*

It is hygiene siakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Imagine, the creases of their armpits and their groin! GOD!!!

If i was part of their pubic or armpit hair, I WOULD HAVE SUFFOCATED!!!! -_-

GILERR SIAKKK.

Come on lor, i mean, there are days when i just feel very lazy and i just feel like bumming at home,so i dont bathe in the morning! But i will surely bathe when i want to go to sleep lor! TSK. You are going to work,for god's sake. Take a little pride lah right.

I feel like gathering all those who dont bathe in the morning before stepping out of their house. I want to gather them together, put them in one place, locked the doors, spray gallons of water on them. and them pour johnson johnson body foam over their heads from a helicopter. after that, i will spray again, then pour gallons of dettol. LEAVE THEM FOR ABOUT 15MINUTES to make sure that the dettol really stick to their bodies and then, spray water again. After that, hook up hugeeee airfans like the ones we have in front of peninsula and blow them fucking dry. AND THEN, i will donate 5dollars to each one of them so that they can embrace the fucking goodness of Rexona to roll on their armpits and then preach about the goodness about smelling good.

Its no use condemning them right just like that, i should enlighten them and impart general knowledge to them so they can be better people and then maybe we will start liking them more.

OHHH WELLS, i cant wait to see Ismah later. wooots. IQAH GAMBAR KEEMA BELOM KASI AKU EH. hahahahhaha.

♥

To me, this is by far the prettiest photo ive ever taken. I love how my lips looks very definitive and curled in my 2nd photo. But the thing is, this was taken wayyyy back in '06,which means,i look nothing like how i do 2 years back. *pfft* okay ana,move on already!

PEOPLEE PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE.

Tonight's my last night!! I CANT FUCKING WAIT. I haven seen bb in a week?? GOD. but okaylah, hes getting irritating i tell you.

♥

Hello, people of the world. Ive got a feeling that after im done with my very early sahor (pre-dawn meal), my eyes would weigh at least a tonne and my limbs will just slowly droop in orchestra with my subtle snoring.

I'm feasting on rice, curry chicken and garlic vege. ALL thanks to the biotene people who generously bought us 50 packets of food and of course, i grabbed the last two packets,just enough for sahra & myself. Ahhhhhhhh,this is so,so, good. Good food,yummy yummy.

Anywayyyyy. Tonight is my third motherfucking night.

I woke up this afternoon to Iqah's text cause she wanted to come over to catch up. So that was what we did. I didnt realised i miss talking to her until i saw her at my doorstep just now. Well girl, all ive got to say is, family always comes first, and it is normal that you feel a little upset when things are not going smoothly in your family, just hang in there, do your best and i am sure, things will dissolve,sooner or later. They are family, like how you would forgive them for any wrong that they did, they would do the same thing too. & besides, you are strong bb. You just have to cry it out,laugh it out, cry over it again,be a little depressed and then,you will be alright. Believe me. *hugs*

& which brings me to the next point! I haven seen Mommy in 2 days! Mummy bought a new bike,cause i saw her super heewuge helmetbox and i haven seen her new ride yet! Dengardengar dari bapak aku, mak aku beli vespa lagik. Hmmmmm, confirm gorgeous! ((: Hahah. Tsktsk, shame on me. Mak aku peh lesen Class 2 dah lamer melekat pat her driving license,yang anak dier ni, 2B pun belom pass pass. Sighs. Shame,shame,babuu shame!

Oh wells. I want to log off,finish up my rice and head back out. Im hearing a whole lot of callbells. Pity Sharon.

&&& IM SLEEPY ALREADY! :(((
i just yawned for the 6th time? goodness.
how am i gonna survive for the next 4 hours?!!!!
hellllppppppppppppppp.

♥

Its been a long time since i brought Hailey out to play. Ive had her for the longest time,and after snapping a whole lot of photos like a couple of months ago, i have yet to visit the film store to see how my photos turned out. I was on a lomo forum yesterday,and from what i have gathered from reading abt their experience with lomo cams,i think that they are all attracted to the mysterious element of lomography. And holga is only one of many lomographic cameras! Maybe more for kanakkanakkoolkental like me. Haha.

But i love her,cause shes pink and shes really easy to hit on. Sembarang aje, adjust, look into the viewfinder and just press on the shutter! After that, bring your damn holga to the film store and see whats in store for you. Do NOT try to take out the film by urself,unless you have the dark bag,which i have but you know me,i just put it there and dont allow it to move. HAHA. but I know i will be anxiously waiting for negatives once i send them out.

Okay, so how many of you have already bought your raya clothes?! I know many of my girls are already banging their closets with as many as 3 sets of baju raya! EXCUSE MEEEEE,korang nak kawin kape? Kimakkkk. Haha. Tsk. Korang dgn bf korang,aper colour this year?

I think this year,i chose the wrong year to venture into pink! Goodness. I was at Geylang with bb the other day,and then i saw a whole lot of pink baju kurungs hanging around!!! Of course i was pleased amd wayyy blardy excited because it was really THE hot pink that i wanted, but then i thought again, like this, everybody's gonna wear hot pink this year laaaaa!! *sobs* KESIANNN NYE. Tapi tidak boleh dinafikan, hot pink peh baju kurung lawa gilerrrrr. Limit2,aku pakai,macam babi only lor. -oinkoink- HAH. But after going to the Woodlands night market, i prefer the Woodlands one leh. Hehe, or probably its because of the company. Black jack was hilarious and freaking funny. Krekrekre. MANY MORE TIMES EH GIRLS?!

Today, i cooked fried rice for break fast. Hopefully it taste alright,because from how my other dishes turned out, i am already convinced that i was not at all brought into this world to cook! God. Bb can go fly kite with his many requests eh. I was over at the place last week to buka with his family and then his mom got the blardy cheek to tell me that aidil dont like his eggs to be cooked on a flat pan! He likes the normal round very melayu pan better. KIMAKKKK.

LIKE THAT OSO GOT ARH BB?

He claims that his eggs taste better on a rounder and deeper pan! SEE LAAAAAAA. Cook also must go quality control the pan leh! nehneh betol. ANYWAY enough of his nonsense..

Its my second night tonight! This morning was quite alright, i didnt feel that sleepy at all! Work was draggy and busy. I was occupied right after i posted my previous entry out. A miracle happened last night too.

My blind and very wobblyleg pakcik, came out of his bed, walked to the corner of his room, peed AT THE CORNER OF THE ROOM BEHIND THE DOOR(!!!!!), cleaned himself and got back to his bed,just in time for me to scream my lungs out in shock.

GOD!!!!!!!!!! I NEARLY DIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD LOR.

After that, i reprimand him in my most stern voice ever,

"PAKCIK! SAYE TAK BENARKAN PAKCIK KELUAR KATIL!! DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! SAYE PARKING PAT LUAR BILIK PAKCIK EH SO PAKCIK JANGAN NAK IKOTKAN PERASAAN TAU!!!NANTI SAYE PASANG SECURITY GUARD BARU TAU."

& he got the blardy cheek to reply, " OK OK OK OK OK OK. anywayy( YES HE USED ANYWAY ON ME!)..nak ni marah marah, nanti boyfriend lari tau! *coverthemouthandlaugh*KREKRE."

grrrrr. pasal pakcik bute dan pakcik kiut, saya maafkan pakcik!
WOAH LUCKILY HE DIDNT FALL MAN!
God. I just got out of his room for like 10 minutes lor and he pulled a stunt like that! TSKTSK.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh,i want to say something!
As i am typing,im eavesdropping on daddy's conversation with his friend about work. He sounds so cute! KWANGKWANG! HAHAHHA. i feel like laughing. I didnt know my dad could be that funny.okay, nowwww,let me see where shall we go to eat for his 60th birthday! Yup,my daddy old already,turning 60 in a month's time. good ah 60 already? pressure oiiiii,tak tau nak belikan present. Hmph, maybe a camera? MAYBE. Or a new flat screen monitor? MAYBE. or just a new tv? MAYBE NOT. Hahhaa, tengok lahhhh. step money come down from the sky ajee..

Okay, going to buka already.gtg! Happy buka puase,ya all! ((:

♥

I, sincerely, hope that Bb has not been lying, will not lie or has no intention to do so,because i just told him that I trust him. *gulps*

Tell me, how do you trust a man?

Ive got trust issues since forever. I do not let my guard down,even though he is someone very dear to me. I do not believe that trust IS the main factor of a relationship ( love,on the other hand,is.), i do not believe unless im proven very wrong, i do not trust until i see cold,hard logic screaming into my face.

Thinking of it, being in a relationship with me is very simple actually. Just dont even think about lying,because I believe that God is great and akan aku dapat tau jugak (proven MANYMANY times!& another reason being,IM PSYCHIC! I REALLY AM) & just be freaking honest with me.

To date, Aidil has already told me a couple of cold hard facts about myself,that when i listen to him tell it to me straight,i will cringe and eew here and there. One being, i REALLY REALLY have bad morning breath. Hahaha! Gross kan! I know. It was like 3 years ago when he told me that and i was SO in denial lor! Goodness. Haha, it was so embarressing and Aidil and i were only dating at that point of time! I felt like running and hibernating for 902734019341283 years! :(

Kwang. But now i think hes gotten really used to it cause i always open my mouth bigbig and HAAAAAAAAAA in his face and nose.

But yah, i really think i am very easy to please. You just have to tolerate my never dying never ending curiousity and paranoia. Thats all. & Aidil is the best because, he has been at it for 3 freaking years. Haha.

Okay so this post is really random. I cant wait for this night to be over,cause i feel like meeting bb later and oh, we broke up for 3 minutes just now because of that PP. Yah, i know, i thought she was already dead but she came back and shes just fucking irritating and perasaan nak mampos!

TAK DAPAT AH LAKI AKU NAK WASTE HIS FREAKKING DOLLAR TO BUY YOU A CUP OF MASHED POTATOES OKAY. PERASAAN KEJUBORAN OKAY.

but its alright and its okay,you and him was the past and just keep that in your freaking mind because it will and shall remain that way,unless i die. Thank you very nice. bitch.

♥

I'm on night again tonight. This is my 2nd round of night in two weeks! It gets a little terrible sometimes cause i feel very isolated from the rest of the world when im doing night.

Its like, i get ready for work as early as 7pm and shift starts at 9pm. And then,its work til 7.30 the next morning, reach home at 8.30,sleep at 9am, wake up at 5/6pm,have my dinner and then get my ass to work again! Ive been having this routine for quite a while,too long til i dont even get to see mum and dad. And the only words i say to them is when im home, and im like, "ok goodnight!" and then i sleep and when i wake up,i get the whole house to myself,again
Like that.

About 2 weeks into Ramadhan,and another 2 weeks to go. I wish i was younger,when i really truly felt excited about Hari Raya,about visiting all our relatives together with my extended family,my cousins,aunties and uncles. But right now, ive got so much more things to think about,like whether or not I will be working on the 1st day of Raya,or will i be working throughout and only get my off on the weekends. Oh wells, it doesnt really matter anymore i should say.

I used to WANT to have my off days during the weekends,but now, i feel like it really doesnt matter anymore. Its all the same and good as long as i get my offs.

I just read an article about Adoption. It made me cry and really,really think. But after an hour of thinking, ive decided that It was all God's plan and he did really want me to be happier. Im grateful and thankful. Syukor alhamdulilah.

♥

15th September 2008.

HAPPY 38th, BB!

We've come a long way from where we were.

The number of times we fall,doesnt really matter.

What matters is how we pick each other up from

our lowest and climb our way up again.

Thank you for loving,believing and

having faith in me and in our relationship.

I love you so much. There is no other place i rather be,

and there is no one i rather stand by with.

yours,

Ana.

♥

I had a very,very,very fantastic day! Goodness, its been a long time since i last felt good about working on a Sunday, and feeling good about being tired and sleepy!

Work was GEREK! Izyan and I were on the same shift! And of course, things got crazy! I loved it whenever my favourite girls are on,they are like a bronchodilator,like a space button on the keyboard. Something like that! Towards the passing over of shift, Izyan and I decide to learn African! So being very very bored and definitely very restless, we google-d "African Baby Names". And after the tedious search for a perfect African name, we decide to name ourselves!

"Hello everybody. My name is Marbue Massala Momo." HAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Okaylah, of course when i type it here,it doesnt sound funny,but goodness lor, Izyan and I were laughing our asses off. Just now was just a fantastic time to be silly and act stupid and thats what we did. And Izyan's name is Owalla Kula btw. Macam hula hoop aje namer kau! Hahahaha.

And then we talked about our respective Ds. GODDDD. I want my Ds now. Cant decide between the D40,D60 or the D80. Sighs. Padehal aku dari dulu nak beli,tak beli beli. Si jingjok ni dalam diamdiam,dah beli!!! And gorgeous eh gambar. Babi betol. Grrrrr,geram! So ive decided that i do not want to procrastinate further and i do not want to wait any longer.

NAK JUGAK! That shall be my 21st bday present to myself! Hurhur,excuses,excuses! Krekreeee.

Oh well, after work,i went to meet Syasya and Ira at Woodlands! We rummaged through the pasar malam,bought our primadeli fruit tarts and found a nice cosy bawah block to stuff ourselves silly. I miss them terribly,and was i just glad to be around such great company!I mean,how far i go,i know they have my back and i have theirs.Only thing, I regret not bringing Rayola along. I feel quite handicap without her. Haha,emo pulak aku nih.Nonetheles,Im looking forward to our next pangkeng party,which will be hosted at Hotel 81,no less. Dap,deep dap.

Bb just finished his recording and Im sure hes tired. I'll be a good girlfriend and let him off tonight. Let him sleep and not disturb him and not whine too much. Hope u feel better soon bb.love youuuu.

♥

I'm so thankful that i decide to follow my 6th sense to upload all current photos onto Photowhore! I told you im psychic. Daddy just rebooted the whole system again yesterday,for probably the hundredth time this year! God. But the best part about rebooting is the aftermath,where all loading is so,so speedy! ((:

Work has been quite alright, been religiously goin to work,despite the cold sweats, the backpain,my crappy throat and my dry,dry lips. The students left the ward late yesterday,bidding their goodbyes to all of us,and not forgetting giving us a whole Dorothy Perkins shopping bag full of sweets, marshmallows, jellos and gummy bears!

I so need to tell you guys about this! I just found a fantastic shop,selling plus size dresses!!!! You have no idea how crazy i was,when i saw all those dresses! You knw,ive been having Keiko for 3 years and by far, among all my dresses, Keiko is my favourite,basically because she is my first dress, shes really comfortable and that, she really flatters my bulges and curves! But when i saw all those other dresses, i cant help but fall in love even more! I've recceed and so far, ive already chosen 10 dresses already!

I mean, like i have mentioned a million,kazillion times to my girls,DONT YOU EVER COME OUT OF A SALE EMPTY-HANDED!!! DONT!!Thats my principle okay. But in this case,its not a sale,but just a place with a whole lot of pretty dresses for me to wear! Hurhurhur. Im so,so excited!!

On the down side, bb tried to impress me last night. It would be a good date without the Wall-E movie! WALL-E SUCKS BIG TIME! WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT A ROBOT SIAK. bodoh. buang maser siakkk tgk tu cite! And because it is just so boring, i fell asleep,halfway through the movie and i didnt even feel the least guilty! GOD.

But the up side about having a bad date is, you get to try and try and try again! Hurhur. JIA YOU BB!

I gonna wash up and sleep. I've got a morning tml and ive got a feeling im gonna walk around like a zombie. But im gonna meet my girls tml. Thatttttttttttttttttt,i cant wait.

♥

I'm turning into a workaholic. Somehow i feel good,going to work, i feel good, meeting my fav girls at work, talking and just getting away. I know why work makes me feel quite alright on most days. It gets me distracted with a couple of things bothering my mind. I told bb a couple of days ago,that ive got so much to say but i just dont know how to put it through. & the only way i best express myself,is through writing. But i dont feel like sharing it all,because 1, it may sound more like a rant. 2, i dont think its good to have it public since i really dont know specifically whats bothering me. 3, what do i say,who do i direct it to, how should i say it.

I know something's bothering me,because work has taken over me. So far,ive lived with working for 2 weeks straight,and the next off im gonna get is next friday, on the 19th. I really do not have any complaints working that much, its rather okay. Working has become an outlet,rather.

And therefore,with my clouded mind,ive decided that,all i need is another break. & speaking of which,my leave for December isnt approved!! OH I HATE IT. that means, the possibility of me going to Vancouver isnt that great either! Damn,the fckg system. I dont get it,d you kno? GOD. Okay, so heres what happened.

Our department,Haematology, has brought 8 A1 beds from Medical Oncology from 48. These 8 beds are solely, transplant cases or post transplants. Therefore, there was a number of my colleagues who were in the BMT team and they had to be transferred over. Due to that,there was a lack of manpower in 72 itself,and since many many of my other colleagues who are better workers than me,have their annual leaves during december, i have to sacrifice mine! I mean, the reason they gave me was pretty reasonable,with my sick leaves and all. And since those gg for their leaves are either working mothers whose kids have holidays in december, or they are due for their maternity leave,or those on the verge of resigning from the orgranisation and since i do NOT belong to either group, ive decided that it is quite alright. And Mr Ismail assured me that once he received the green light to put up for the leaves requests, i will know about it

& Yana finally emailed me.( this was before i spoke to my managers RE: my leaves) I felt her excitement but when i told her if it was okay, i will be over on the 12th and do you know what she emailed me?! HER EXAMS SCHEDULE!!! Her examinations starts on the 11th and ends on the 18th! She said that, only after 18th,she will be having 3 weeks off so that would be the best time to come! AND WHAT I MIA FROM WORK ISSIT!!! kimak. okay. so noww,i have to break the news to her. i think she will be disappointed and totally upset,like i am because we've been planning this for a very long time.

BUT IT MEANS THAT I GET TO PLAN ANOTHER HOLIDAY! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooots.

♥

So i was right! My 3 nights were indeed uneventful and i was pretty glad that other than a few callbells, my nights were kept busy by only taking a whole lot of bloods and..thinking about what to eat for sahor! Haha. Ive gotten better in taking peripheral bloods,only that cannulation kinda freak me out a little bit now.

Oh wells, i believe i will excel in cannulation the same way i do in peripheral blood taking. It takes excellent timing, and a brilliant eye,which i proudly have. Hahaha,i know i sound proud,but i really am! ((: ANYWAYYY..u guys are probably bored about how i gloat on and on. So i shall talk now!

Yesterday, i broke my fast over at bb's. It has been a long time since i came over and i feel appreciative that I'm able to get along just fine with his family,maybe not very well because we are not close yet,but just fine is good enough for now. We had like Rice, sambal ikan bilis, fish,chicken,ikan pari and mee goreng. Like a lot right? Goodness. Not that i am NOT grateful la,but why do people need to have so many dishes on the table eh? I pressure you know. The pressure realising that if i get married to aidil,i have to prepare that much of dishes. god eh,sape mau gi layan! Tsktsk. But okay lah,before married, let bb eat as much,he wud probably starve when hes with me what so yah. HAHAHA. ok..ok..kidding.

BUT REALLY AH, HOW U ALL COOK SO MANY DISHES ONE AH? kimakkkkk. i feel f. guilty that i ate veh little yesterday! Hahaha. Its something like, you see a chicken being defeathered on your right,and on your left is, AYAM MASAK LEMAK CILI PADI! wahlao. KIMAK I CANNOT EAT LORRRRRRR BB. & since i bought doughnuts,i had one piece and we went off to Beat Merchants for bb's jamming session.

I have not been to his jamming session for the longest time, so long that people think i am not supportive of him playing in a band. Tsk, its not that. Bb knows that i am his number 1 fan,and i will always support him in whatever he does,but i just dont see the need to always be there. Like, im sure he likes his own boys time,with his boys where he talks about girls,about whos hot and whos not. HAHAHA. (DO YOU,BABY?!!!!!!) And usually i only go to his jam sessions when ive really got nothing to do,or when i feel the ultimate urge to just see him to snuggle under his armpits lor.

And also, i feel very replaced la when im around his band mates,a feeling which i hate because i am always reminded of what a fucking asshole he used to be last time and the fucking fact that someone was in MY place,looking at him play the drums,smiling at him,and it is such a motherfucking whack in the head. Get the idea?? Haha,so i should stop! My year's resolution is to eliminate any negative figure in my life,fyi so thats why.

HAHAHAHA,i also brought Rayola out to just play around with her buttons and see what she has got and i was pretty pleased with what i did! I played around with the apperture and the shutter speed. Dont ask me what it does to photos,it just make my photos look more disorientated and veh disorganised but since thats what i am on most days,i love it! Haha. Thank you for being with me bb,i love you sooo much! & you know we nearly broke up 2 days ago? God. DONT ask me why okay.

Ohhh wells. Ive spent the whole day today,in front of the computer after awaking from my half-dead/half-awake slumber! Ive changed both my multiply pages, ive changed it to a more lively and more colourful theme and i really,really loved it. On top of that, ive uploaded TWO new albums! Happiness & In All My Slumber. Both in Photowhore 2. The loading for my Redang trip with bb is still in process and i still have 300plus more MB to go,and it has already been two hours! I dont know what time it will fully end,hopefully soon because i feel very sleepy now but i cannot afford to because i might be late for tonight's dinner,which will also be over at bb's because mak dier masak pulot hitam. WOOTS.

After tt, i have succeeded in convincing bb that Geylang is the place to be,so we will be going to Geylang to get my kopok lekors! Finally!!! Bb dont usually give in to my kempunans or cravings anymore but yah,after whining about how much i really want to eat kopok lekorrs,i guess it has gotten into his head! Haha.

Im looking forward to meeting my girls!! We so need to stuff our faces with lekor and humour each other! Hurhur.Bestnyer idop aku. Work,work,work,then meet girlfriends. girlfriends bz, meet boyfriend(this one singular,not plural.got only 1 bf.hahaha),then bf busy, sit home watch teevee and cook for papa. hahahah. gerek eh.

&&&&& IVE GOT A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!

This question is more important than what to cook for break fast later! LISTEN UP!!!

TO CUT OR NOT TO CUT????

I want to cut my hair like before. Like the hair i had in that photo! Now i feel so restless with my current hair,goodness! And i think i look really adorable with my mushroom head like that. HAHA,cute aper aku dgn rambut gitu! wahlaooo. What do you all think,bbs?

p/s: aku rindu ismah dan nuwul sangatsangat.

♥

The greatest thing about having friends all over,is that you dont have to worry about accomodation when you visit! All you do,pull out an extra bed from down under,and there you go. I'm not that fussy about where i sleep,so long as you dont put me out in the cold or under the rain,i wont be bitching.

Yana is such a wreck i think! God, she just told me a month ago that she just paid the wire guy to have internet connection in her basement studio and REassured me tt she would religiously check her mails and reply to talk and plan about my trip over to V. But, ive yet to hear from her,nor have she read my mail,along side with her other 60 junk mails which she refused to delete! She gave me her password to her hotmail,to make sure if my email really got to her inbox,since she swears that there is someone stalking her who wants to make sure that she doesnt get her mail in the correct places. wth,sitinurhana? :( Im just psyched.

But im sure, ill worry about what to wear and what goes with what when i go over. Yana told me that boots are love now! HELLO?! Me,in boots?? SURE OR NOTT YANA. Nyehh,i think ill just stick with my flops! ((:

& Fang shuian emailed me a couple of days ago,regarding V and since shes back in Hamilton, for her semester,she suggests a night or two with her,and of course partying! (She will be disappointed to know abt my abstinence twds alcohol.Heh) Hoho. Lemme see, Hamilton is located at the outskirts of Toronto,and ill be at Maple Ridge,BC. Hmphhh. I dont know if we are able to travel to and fro by car,thatttttt, ive got to ask Yana,and since shes being such a neyneypok..ive got to wait! Urghhhh,i hate it when ive got so many plans and so little time AND money to spend!!

Ikotkan hati, i feel like just dialling her number but the thought about listening to a drunkard over the other line,together with veryvery fuzzy loud background music,is not appealing,at all! & oh, the charges are totally terrible! The other time she called me,and i had to pay SGD41.87 for just a 4 minute call! She just called to say,no no,she just called to scream that she replied my email and the rest was like, "WUTTTT? AMA U GOTTA TALK LOUDAA! HAHAHAHA I CANT FCKG HEAR YOU! WUT AGAIN? WUUUTTTTTTTT?!!!" & that was like at 3 in the freaking morning!

TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE,YANA! god.

Tonight will be my last night! My first two nights were somewhat uneventful,WHICH i absolutely love. Ive got nothing but time in my hands to do things at my own pace,thats the luxury i have when things are mellow and sullen. Im becoming more accustommed to nursing patients in the single room. I dont feel right,i feel detached. Things in B2,are always more crazy and i tend to like working with pressure breathing down my neck. I function well in stress but i cannot complain because ive got such a wunnerful partner! Merly!! Hahaha,shes just great la she.

Oh wells. I cant wait to get it over and done with. I think i have to head back to see the Dr again. I see sores coming up again! And it has gotten very,very itchy. Blardyyy bitchhhhhh.

,,Aidil & I haven had our own private time for the longest time already! Hais. Hopefully Sept th 13 comes faster! Aidil looks so much better last time!

Nnnnnnnnnnnowwwww i want to nap again.

& IM HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

♥

Hey Ho The Merry Yo! ((: I haven eaten the cake which mum & dad bought for me even though it looks fcking tantalizing! It is still in the fridge. I shall fight off the temptations,and wait for another 4 hours before azan Magrib berkumandang(did i say it right bb?). Bwahahaha.

Before azan magrib berkumandang, ive got to crack my head to think about what the hell am i supposed to cook for tonight's buka lor! I've already thawed two chicken thighs,in the damn sink but i have absolutely no idea about what to cook? I sound like a freaking housewife! (Bb,u better take note ok.) I was thinking of stir-frying it together with vege,but it sounds like too much of a hassle right? Goddamnit,how do housewives or people for that matter decide what to cook everyday eh? Goodness. My heart goes out to you guys. Korang la hebat! Aku tak hebat langsung lorrr,i know. I tried looking in the internet for suitable recipes,but to no avail! Anybody got tips?

Shall just forget it and head down to Shengsiong later. Anyway, meimei texted me all the way from India!!!!! WOOOTSS. Im so happy. Hopefully shes eating well. I cant wait for her to be back but it will only be in another 1 1/2 month i think. Insyallah sihat wal-afiat. WELOVEYOUMEIMEI ((:

Sooo,yesterday, i met the girls and the firls. I didnt realised that we looked like we were quad-dating but nonetheless, it was such a small,cosy and warm dinner! I had my 2nd cake,from Ira & Syasya,and just the perfect thing to have after such a heavy dinner. I had lasagne and well well well, whats new, i didnt finish it. I wasnt that hungry after all,i think i was more excited than hungry! After spending nearly 2 hours talking and laughing about Zhss, we stood up and made our way to Tampines to,as Syasya says it, chill chill kacang. I have absolutely no idea why they choose to describe it that way,like maner part yang kacang sehhh! Haha. We played cards,laughing like pompan giler and then we went home. Kwangkwang! Simple kan kan kan! Well, i loved it. To have bb with me, to have my girls with me. What more do i need? (((:

The irritating part of all aftermaths of celebrations is that, there will always be the smackbacktorealityscene where you have to get back into your life and continue what you've been doing all these while and for my case,it is going back to work, TONIGHT! SIGHS.

Yup, life goes on. & on & on. And since bb didnt get me anything for my bday(IKNOWWW!!!GGRRRR!), he promised me a full-day date on the 13th of September. BUT i shouldnt be too happy and excited about it,even though i am expecting something as heewuge and as big as me,something worth me turning 21. BUT then again, i shouldnt expect too much. I hate it lah actually. I would have been very happy with even a handwritten note wishing me or what,but yah, nothingggg lor. Its okay bb,i shall sit back and breathe,and wait very patiently for the day you decide to sweep me off my feet. SIGHS,entah ada ke tak tu. suckyyyyy kape tu feeling.

k bye.

♥

I am 21 today, Dan Miller is 28 & Beyonce is 27. Of course,i am the lesser famous AND younger comrade between them today. Oh wells. What to do, God wanted me to be a Nurse instead of a heewuge Superstar.

Daddy made me cut my birthday cake at 5.30 this morning! Then they gave me their presents! Wooooots.One of the many is,Calvin Klein's Eternity,which is so sweet! Goodness. It must be my dad's choice because aku tau bapak aku. Kalau pilih perfume champion!!!Then,i prayed Suboh for the first time in manymanymany donkey years. Cried throughout the prayer, dont know if it was a rush of regret.

& i received well wishes from so many people.Thankkkk youuuuuuu Aunty mabel,aunty mei yoke & my michelle jie who surprisingly remembered my birthday and yah like mummy say, ive always been doted on. My girls,who deemed themselves kiasu,afraid that it might be late,wished me at 1150 last night. THANKIIIYUUUUUUU. Im sooooo lucky! Im grinning from ear to ear lor,really.

Enoughhhhh eh amalina. cukop! Seeee, i dont need to be wasted,i dont need to surround myself in a club and party my birthday away. Im soooo contented.

Oh wells. I cant wait to meet my girls and their firls later this evening!

Hopefully Syasya brought along her spongebob monopoly!

♥

As i await very patiently for the 4th of September to celebrate me turning Twenty-One, i realised that this major turn of date,do not entirely signify me evolving into an adult and celebrating about it. It means only one thing and one thing that i deeply believe which,is far more priceless than any other reason to celebrate.

This year, the only reason why i am celebrating my Twenty First birthday in all my glory and grace,is because of the people who has been with me for 21 years of my life. From birth,til what i am today, i owe it all to those who are not me,but who has been around me.

My parents are the first two people whom i knew ever since my birth,way back in 1987. They raised me the only way i believe they knew how,which is the best. They have given me nothing,and nothing at all but the best. When i was younger, when all my friends got very expensive materialistic things like the discman/mp3s, the laptop or the handphone, for their birthdays, i used to whine and rant about why i got Motivational Camps, Overseas Mission Trips or even a motivational book for my birthday( i recalled receiving my first Chicken Soup for The Soul when i was only 11).

Today, standing tall and fat, i finally realised what they wanted to give me, what they wanted me to embrace and i believe its nothing but just life itself. I finally realised that they want me to embrace hardship, only to be stronger later. But now i personally think,that i have been the luckiest girl on Earth to have parents like them. While other parents gave their children expensive presents, they worked hard to raise me, they did everything they could to bring me up,to make sure i turned out quite alright.

They didnt think twice about paying thousands of dollars to send me overseas,to sweat,to break my bones,to help build houses,schools,to help the needy in third world countries. They didnt think twice about paying hefty amounts to send me to the best camps there was in the markets at that time. I went for Super Teen Camp by the multimillionaire motivational speaker, Dr Ernest Wong, even without thinking how both my parents worked so hard to pay for the 5000dollar camp fee. I failed to treasure the hardwork they put in just to feed me til i have grown quite obese, i failed to notice their efforts to just give me the best. But i only realised it after 21 years.

It struck me 2 days ago, when Daddy bought me an electric fan. To you guys, it might be just a freaking fan. But to me,its more than that. i truly felt like crying because i knew it wasnt easy for my dad,who was down with Dengue together with his low platelets and his deteriorating blood counts. He brought back the huge fan,on his own,because he wanted to save on the ridiculously high delivery fee. It hit me hard,because these are things that my parents would do,just for me,just for my comfort. I already have 2 fans and a fully functional airconditioner plastered in my room. He still bought me another fan because i always complain that it is still stuffy and hot.

Looking back, Mum and Dad have never once gave up on me,even when i failed to enter the Polytechnic due to the D7 that i got for my Maths & Science. I know they are very proud of me when i entered Nursing, even though i knew it broke both their hearts when i didnt make it to poly. Still, they didnt tell me that they are heartbroken,they didnt tell me that they are disappointed.

The way they express is somewhat different,but i know they love me and thank you for loving me despite all my shortcomings,despite all the heartbreaks ive caused.

They hide their disappointment,their grief,just for my happiness.

2 days ago, Mum brought me to the goldsmith to buy something for my 21st. She insisted that she buy me sumthing since i am turning 21 and since its supposed to be a big issue. but I knew it didnt have to be the most expensive on display,i knew it didnt have to be anything fancy, i was quite alright with anything actually. I guess,like ive said, thats mummy. Always wanting me to have the best.

Aside from my parents, the people i grew up with, the people i was friends with, all those,have made me happy at one point in my life and of course, it made me what i am today.

Way from Cedar, to BengWan. To my first few friends, Yana, Ama,Muni,Syarain,Nadia. To Zhonghua, from Zulaikha Ira Ayn Syasya Aishah Yaya to my classmates,who have seen me at my worst. To my Nursing friends, in ITE Simei, Ismah Shaz Naj Erin Faeza Syafa Sara Yanti Nuwul Nya Harith and everybody in JR0504c. The 2 people who turned out to be my best friends, Nana & Gaia,who is still missing.( fel,im turning 21 in a few hrs.call me selfish,but i truly want you back.) My net bitches,Harny & Shazila even! To my girls at work, Izyan Mellyna Meiling Weishan Faridah.Every single one of them. Urghhhh..susahhhh nak cakap.

My fucking point is, My 21st birthday wouldnt be this emotional if not for them,because every single one of them have been in my goingtobe21yearold life therefore have made me happy at some point in my life,to me,its a HEEEWUGEEEE thing. So i thank each and everyone of you.
I not only celebrate the woman i am turning into, i am celebrating you guys.

My family,friends and

OH YAH HOW I CAN FUCKING FORGET KAN,

MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

HAHAHAHA. Maaf bb, i dah emotional sgt til i forgot about you. Whats there to say about you,except that you have been the best i've had. Thank you for being there,thank you for loving me unconditionally even though i am fat, and September the 4th is also your day!

Its all my mom dad meimei's day,its my girlfriends day,its my boyfriend's day!

Yup,i am being very emotional now, very emotionally happy!

Thank you,everybody. from the bottom of my heart.

HAPPY SEPTEMBER

THE FOURTH,

everybody ! ((: